Met boyfriend family…AIBU?

[Nettynoo112]

Boyfriend of just nearly a year, met his family over Christmas for a family night. Very big family with a lot of children as well.
my family is quite small but close, I also have a 8 year old son but boyfriend hasn’t met him yet but I would be thinking about this soon if all goes well
anyway- his family was crazy, so loud, everyone constantly taking the piss our of each other but the main thing was the language. They all swore openly, the younger kids too (not the kids under 8 but everyone else). In the party games they openly gave answers with swear words e.g “name something you would find at a party” “drunken cunts”
I couldn’t believe it. Am I being too judgey? I’d be horrified my son hearing all that

Which would become the OP's family, if she was to marry, or have a child with this man.

Ew no thank you. These aren't the kind of people I enjoy spending time with and I certainly would not want my child exposed to an environmental like that with crassness, extreme bad language, children who aren't parented properly trying to show them all sorts of inappropriate stuff on TikTok. It doesn't sound like your cup of tea either.

You'll find someone nice, OP. It's good that you're being responsible and weighing up not just partners but the wider implications for you and your child of being in a particular relationship.

I wouldn’t personally like it.

Yea but I don't live with my husbanda family

I would hate that, it's just horrible using language like that. It would be a terrible example to your son.

That wouldn't be okay for me or my children.

I’m very sweary, but I would be uncomfortable in that situation.

Ok, most people do not live with their husband's family, but she will be tied to this family, if she marries, or has a child. They will then be around her, and her Son even more. Not everybody is low contact with their families.

I don't know, the family is close, they all enjoy spending times together, they have fun together. There are worse things.

Your son won't suddenly become infected with it from being around it. We had one arm of the family that were loud sweary drunks at occasions and one that were quiet reserved teetotalers. I didn't automatically become a loud, sweary person from attending family gatherings with them. My nuclear family, so my Mum and Dad were far more influencial than the odd family get together with the loud side of the family.

Ultimately the loud sweary arm of the family are caring, would drop anything for you and pull together in a crisis type of people. The quiet arm, not so much. Different families just have different ways and I don't think that one way is automatically always the 'right way' just because it is what you are used to.

Awful. You’ve dodged a bullet and I say that as a proper sweary fucker!

Yes of course you're making judgements and choices

You are getting to know this man and his family and trying to work out if they and their lifestyle dovetails with yours and your child's

It doesn't

The End

I swear a lot, as does my husband. We NEVER swear around our children, or in public if someone might overhear us. Swearing around children can only ever have a negative impact. I’m afraid I really don’t like people who swear in front of kids. They are either too stupid to realise the implications, or they don’t care. I don’t think ending the relationship over this would be an overreaction.

You seem judgy yes, and you clearly didn't mesh with them. Just like you have judged them for tik tok and swearing they might have judged you for being stuck up. Some of my family and friends swear a lot, my 10 year old knows that doesn't mean she's allowed to use foul language. If they were friendly, welcoming and engaging I would care if they swore

I wouldn’t like that at all.
But you’ve been with the guy a year and he hasn’t been like that, so maybe he doesn’t like it either? Maybe he does it when he’s with them as a weird form of respect? What’s he like with his friends?
At least have a conversation about it with him before deciding to dump him.

I wouldn't be happy with this and wouldn't feel comfortable. I am prone to a few f-words myself, but not c words, that doesn't sound great at all. I think you also feel it's not for your or your child. But it's probably the good thing is that it's shown you that you need to move on from your boyfriend and he's not the person you thought. It sounds like if you stay with him this would become a regular family gathering for you and your DC.

Oh no, i would have to walk away.

If he's not like that then thats the main thing. If he's otherwise a good bloke then dont jump him just cos his family is uncouth. He probably doesnt like it either.

I would hate this and also the mobile phone thing you mentioned. Yanbu.

Yes - this is a really important issue for anyone with children who gets involved with a person they consider as future permanent partner material - are they suitable step-parent material? I have to be honest - what you've described would be a definitely deal-breaker for me.

Adult dd had a lovely boyfriend years when she was in her late teens . He was kind, generous and fun. He introduced her to his family and within a week she had ended the relationship- she was upset as he was a really nice fella but the family were just as you have described. She felt she just couldn’t envisage a life where she had to attend gatherings, Christmas , weddings etc where they would be , they really sounded awful. Yet her boyfriend adored them and she would never have asked him to distance himself from his own family so that was the end of that.

How about "I wouldn't bother?"

I can and do swear but never in front of children. My late Dad once dropped the f bomb accidentally (under extreme stress) in front of me and immediately apologised (I was early 20s )

There is no call for it and I imagine that there will be a lot of other parenting ideas you find unacceptable. Your boyfriend was raised this way and thinks it's OK, thus I don't see this being the relationship for you.

They sound trashy, sorry. No need to swear like that in front of kids. If it was just amongst adults no big deal but kids?

There is nothing wrong with having a level of behaviour that you find acceptable. His family have been themselves, and it is up to you what you do with that clarity OP.

Oh I love this
And I wish I had listened to myself as I move out from my second marriage tomorrow

Love and happiness with a man cannot override life values and goals