Teasing - Is this normal?

[Plantoleave]

Hi

Please can any of you give me your opinion on if this is normal behaviour between dads/male adults and teen boys?

1. Partner (soon to be ex) constantly thinks it’s funny to call my 14 year old a ‘bender’ or ‘puff’
2. teases him by calling him ‘baby’ in a high pitched voice
3. keeps flicking his ear etc
4. Our 10 year old is now copying this behaviour towards the 14 year old - it’s causing rows and upset.

14 year doesn’t like it although manages to give banter back most of the time. I’ve continuously asked for partner (soon to be ex) to stop as my son and I don’t like it plus it’s making the house extremely stressful at times but it still continues.

He argues it’s not encouraging the youngest and it’s all normal banter. I don’t feel like it is normal banter (if you can see any of my previous posts - I have been receiving support to leave).

Any opinions greatly received on this as although I feel it’s wrong I’m constantly being told it’s just banter from him - I just want to know if it is me being over sensitive or if he is being a knob like I suspect.

Thanks

It's bullying and it's abusive.

He’s a knob

Abusive.. And homophobic.

Your STBX has a real lack of emotional intelligence and needs to grow up. Shame you've not given him a good kick.

Stupid man.

you have appalling standards if you have this dickhead around your children.

It isn't "teasing", which would be bad enough, it's bullying and he's utterly wrong to do it.
Good to hear he's a STBX. And at 14 your son is old enough to choose not to see him if he doesn't want to.

And no, of course it isn't normal and you're not being oversensitive.

And homophobic.

Abusive. There is no other word. Please call it out each and then every time and apologise to your son. Poor kid.

You have allowed your child to be the victim of homophobic bullying.

FUCKING HELL.
PROTECT YOUR SON!

It‘s unacceptable!! Bullying and offensive. Horrible. STEP UP!

This is appalling behaviour and incredibly damaging. I'd say it crosses the line into abusive, actually. He's harrassing your son using homophobic slurs. If your son isn't gay, it's still horrible, unkind and will make your son feel really weird about himself and his self-expression. If he is gay, it will make it that much harder for him to come out and instill in him a deep sense of shame and self-hatred. I speak from experience: I'm a lesbian, and hearing homophobic slurs even disguised as 'jokes' made me feel like shit when I was growing up and a lot of the feelings of shame/stigma are still with me today, even though the majority of society today is very chill with gay people and I suffer from no stigma.

Your partner is being verbally abusive to your child under the thin guise of 'jokes'. Your youngest child is mimicking the abusive behaviour and needs to be stopped asap.

He'd have been out of my house the very first time he said it.

He is abusing your son. How can you even question if you're overreacting?

Protect your son and get this man gone now

So he is step father to the 14 year old who he abuses and father to the 10 year old who he has joining in with bullying to support his abuse.

how soon are you planning on leaving? Do you have a plan at all? Or is ‘leaving’ just a thought?

Thank you for all the responses.

Just to be clear I raise it as an issue everytime I hear him say it - I don’t ignore it but each time he makes it out it’s me being over sensitive that’s why I am asking for other peoples opinions.

I’m already in the process of getting ready to leave unfortunately it’s not as simple as getting him to move out or me just leaving as I need to house my children, find somewhere I can afford to rent whilst the joint house is sold and ensure I have money to pay for solicitors costs to force a sale on the house if needed.

The sooner you get this bloke out of your lives the better off you will all be.

I already have stuff in storage and have approached a solicitor for advice. I’ve just got to get in a financial state to be able to leave - hopefully the next couple of months.

I presume he has refused to move out. Is the property mortgaged to you both?. Can you not force a sale?.

its not teasing it’s bullying.

well done for finally putting a stop to this. Your children deserve better.

Keep strong and focus on the future.

get all the legal advice you can.

It sounds like you're in a relationship with Jay from the Inbetweeners.

(He has the excuse of being a teenage boy though).

Vile. Glad you're in the process of binning him. However you will also need to talk to the 10yo about copying this behaviour and point out that if they repeat this behaviour at school they will get into serious trouble as it's bullying and unacceptable.

Property is mortgaged to us both. I own the majority with a small mortgage outstanding.

He refuses to move out says he has no where to go. He would only need to house himself with youngest going to him 50/50 at most. I can’t face living with him whilst it’s being sold that’s why we I need to rent - we are already in separate rooms have been for 8 months and several months the prior year.

bender’ or ‘puff’

What if your kid actually was gay?

Real helpful stuff in terms of someone dealing with that in a healthy way.

It's normal for people who are tossers, but it definitely shouldn't be.

with youngest going to him 50/50 at most.

Ah, so he's bullying his step son and encouraging his bio son to copy him, which he does .