Teasing - Is this normal?

[Plantoleave]

Hi

Please can any of you give me your opinion on if this is normal behaviour between dads/male adults and teen boys?

1. Partner (soon to be ex) constantly thinks it’s funny to call my 14 year old a ‘bender’ or ‘puff’
2. teases him by calling him ‘baby’ in a high pitched voice
3. keeps flicking his ear etc
4. Our 10 year old is now copying this behaviour towards the 14 year old - it’s causing rows and upset.

14 year doesn’t like it although manages to give banter back most of the time. I’ve continuously asked for partner (soon to be ex) to stop as my son and I don’t like it plus it’s making the house extremely stressful at times but it still continues.

He argues it’s not encouraging the youngest and it’s all normal banter. I don’t feel like it is normal banter (if you can see any of my previous posts - I have been receiving support to leave).

Any opinions greatly received on this as although I feel it’s wrong I’m constantly being told it’s just banter from him - I just want to know if it is me being over sensitive or if he is being a knob like I suspect.

Thanks

Sorry, I think you said you've spoken to WA but I don't know if you specifically discussed an occupation order and decided it was a no go.

It's foul and abusive and exactly how my mum's boyfriend used to treat me and my brother when we were their age as kids.

We've never forgotten it and it had a bad impact on both of us as teens and beyond.

Men like that are nothing more than abusive bullying cunts.

Thanks for all the advice it’s really helpful. I’ve got a solicitor that I can use as have used her previously and she’s really good. I’ve had initial advice but will ask about whether she thinks it likely we will get an occupation order.

I would be able to do the paperwork but not represent myself in court as wouldn’t be able to hold it together enough not to cry to be able to present the argument.

I’m sorry to hear you have gone through it and it’s affected you both badly. Hope you manage to get some help to heal from it all x

I wish I could just lift us all out of here and never come back.

I think he has to be informed unless it's an emergency occupation order, I think he gets the chance to give his side.

But I'm thinking about how "it's just bantz, innit" etc. would go down.

He'll look like a right tool if they know he's calling a boy "bender" and "puff" and hitting him on the side of the head repeatedly. The court may even wonder if your son is actually gay or if he suspects he's gay and that's why he's homophobically bullying him.
The copy cat behaviour of your younger son would be worth outlining.

I don't think he'd BS his way out of how that all looks, easily.

All speculation on my part, however; a solicitor is going to have a much better idea.

I have not rtft. I normally do if there is a big thing like this, but I just do not want to encounter any nasty homophobic response. My 8 year old would be v clear that this is bullying. And there is a sexual element.

I know people will disagree, but NO ONE should ever intrude on someone's body *ear flicking, or allusion to earflicking being ok, if it is not something actively considered and consenting to.

You just never get to touch a body. Any body. Ever! Unless the owner of that body actively says i do!

He's an insecure bully.

It's not 'banter'.

I think it could be worth speaking to the NSPCC, to see if your ex’s actions fall foul of child abuse laws, and also other support services to see if they come under hate crime legislation. Check with the solicitor also.

Have you disclosed to school what’s been happening to your son? Make sure he has support away from home.

This must be awful for your son. Please channel your anger and get your ex away from you all.

link with some info on hate crimes:

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/hate-crime/what-are-hate-incidents-and-hate-crime/

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/emotional-abuse/

You child is experiencing domestic abuse by your STBXP - as PP says contact National Domestic Abuse Helpline etc - so that you can explore ways of getting your STBXP out of the home rather than expose your DS to further abuse whilst you save up for a deposit.

What a pathetic moron. Byeeee!

I made it as far as 'puff'

He's a fucking arsehole, and homophobic. I hope you're not keeping this piece of shit around your kids.