Why oh why is there always another woman 🙁

[Unhappyheart]

I’m so sad and desperate praying someone up will message.
Broke up with my partner about 4 months ago after what I thought was the perfect relationship. I loved him so much and try believed he loved me. All my family and friends thought we were going to b getting married and everyone commented how happy we both were.
anyway out of the blue he told me he had financial problem and needed to sort tyrm
out and didn’t want to drag me down.
I was devastated
however I kept in touch from a distance to offer support whilst trying as best as I can to get on with my life. He maintained he just wanted to struggle on his own couldn’t accept my help.
mom Christmas Day he changed his profile picture to a photo with his girlfriend and it is clearly not a new thing. Also he’s 55 she’s 30 max. He couldn’t look happier.
I know I should be glad he’s not worth it etc but I cannot control my emotions at all feel so so devastated and haven’t slept for two days.

why do they do this. I truly believed he was a good guy 🙁

Flidina · Today 06:56

I've seen this happen so many times ,Don't worry you'll see your day, the 25 year age gap will see to that, once the novelty wears off , just sit back and watch the fireworks.

Me too.
Fast forward ten years … though I doubt it’ll see the year out w the type of guy you describe. I sound so cynical but honey, you will go on to have other relationships. Take it from Mother Time. Take care

Just think about what you have "lost" here :

A man who is a cheat

A man who lies to people he is close to

A man who shows signs of depression

A man who doesn't have much money (he can't be well off, or you wouldn't have fallen for his sob story about finances)

A man who is at best insensitive, at worst cruel - by uploading pic to FB on Christmas day, knowing you would see it

A man who probably has (or soon will have) ED

A man who doesn't have a house (?)

You are grieving for who you thought he was, but the reality of him is all those things I've listed above.

He's 55 and he doesn't have his shit together I say that as a 55 year old woman!

No way in hell will this fling last. Let's not forget, he has cheated on her already (with you), so he isn't in love with her!

When he's 60 and can no longer shag, she will only be 35-40 and about to enter her sexual peak. She will be dumping him for someone younger.

You really should send her screenshots of the messages he sent to you, whilst he was seeing you both. I have no idea why you wouldn't? You're being a mug in that regard. I would have even posted on the FB photo - "shame he was shagging us both from March to June" or something of that ilk.

You owe him nothing, do not take this lying down Send her all the proof, and then pour yourself a nice glass of wine and let the shit unfold.

aw @Unhappyheart I am so very sorry for you. This level of heartbreak is just awful and I totally understand why you feel so despairing.
None of this is you. You now need to be your own best friend and do everything you can to get yourself feeling better. Find your anger and focus on you. Below are somethings that helped me through my divorce.

1. Block him on everything and cut all contact including his number.
2. personally I would throw everything away he gave you and delete pics - but if this is too much put in a box, seal it up and store somewhere.
3. you need to find a way to sleep and eat. That anxious feeling can sometimes be the same as low blood sugar so you need to find a way to get food in you. Keep taking your sleeping tablets, they will start to work I’m sure, and get your favourite food in, in small quantities and just eat and pick at food whenever you can until you can face small meals.
4. go for long walks (will also help you sleep), listen to audio books, self help or escapist novels; meet friends; go to cinema even by yourself. If you’re at home, try not to endlessly scroll and waste time but specifically watch a movie you like, invite someone over. Or cook or bake or sort out a cupboard or your clothes and buy a new outfit for you to feel good in. Be proactive for project YOU.
5. repeat this every day until you find an odd glimmer and realise you haven’t cried as much. When you’re at work, really focus and work harder. I had some of my best years at work going through a hideous divorce - I threw myself into it and it helped me forget.

i really wish you well - and hopefully you will get back to your old self soon and you will see this guy for a manipulative user and yourself as someone who was too strong to be taken in by him. Good luck and wish you a happy 2025 xx

Stop looking at his socials for a start. He is no longer in your life and you need to focus on your own future, not the past that you shared with him.

If he was so shallow that he had to 'invent' financial difficulties to escape your relationship then he is not worth your time and energy. You deserve better and I am guessing that you are probably in your late 40's/early 50's, appear to have family and friends around you.......direct your energy elsewhere and start living.

He wasn’t honest with her, and fed her a lie that he needed space to sort out financial problems, which clearly wasn’t the case, as he hooked up with someone else. Op then spent time worrying about him, and providing emotional help, when the reality is he didn’t need it, and he should have just finished things with her instead of keeping her on the back burner.

Some people are cowards and would rather lie than face the truth. He kept you both going. Thank God you are not the chosen one to this creep. I feel sorry for the other woman you can move on she's still being lied to.

I am sorry you are suffering. I know people mean well to say just move on, but it takes your time to do so. It's a terrible loss emotionally, so it cannot be rushed through, no matter that he's proved to be a pathetic lying creep. I so much empathize as it's practically a mirror of what happened to me! Hopefully there's someone in your life who you can express all this hurt and rage to who can help you get through this.
It was the "they always fall on their feet with a substitute" that tormented me most and that my imagined connection had disappeared just like that. Take care. Best wishes for 2025 and hugs x

Very wise words.
Totally agree about work -when I was pining for the ‘limeree’ and also going through a hideous divorce with my toxic ex and also my dad was dying, work was actually a welcome escape (school teacher so have to be totally on it’ at work).

Thank you so much for everyone’s comments they really do help so much.

I am now of course thinking about how long he could have been with her and things coming into my head that it could have been a long time.
did she know about me?
things like that.
but I know I’ll never know. I just can’t believe he was still telling me how much he loved and missed me all the time. I mean just why???
absolute bastard. I also want him to kkow thet I know now but I know there’s no point.
he’s like a psycho I feel who just wouldn’t care

Also he had absolutely no friends and not much of a relationship with his dad and brother.
now I’m thinking why didn’t that tell me something. Who has zero friends?? And why didn’t he? So no one can hold him to account and he just fills up his time with a woman. Or two!! 😡😡😡
I also wonder how he feels now he hasn’t got me on the back burner. We were actually mates before we got together which makes this even more shocking I can’t believe he won’t miss me but he obviously doesn’t
it’s like he hasn’t actually got a heart.
mots hard to comprehend it really really is. He was the most caring and kind people I ever met I thought

You are right OP…the fact he had zero friends and poor relationships with family speaks volumes. Like you say, there was no-one holding him to account for his behaviour.

You are well rid of him and can now start the new year afresh, making your own plans and goals. He is selfish and would have held you back.

OP.. I know it hurts but you are so much better knowing what a shit he is. The age gap is fucking grim. I could never respect a man who does that. I would never want to be with a man who thinks of a younger woman like that.