Why oh why is there always another woman 🙁

[Unhappyheart]

I’m so sad and desperate praying someone up will message.
Broke up with my partner about 4 months ago after what I thought was the perfect relationship. I loved him so much and try believed he loved me. All my family and friends thought we were going to b getting married and everyone commented how happy we both were.
anyway out of the blue he told me he had financial problem and needed to sort tyrm
out and didn’t want to drag me down.
I was devastated
however I kept in touch from a distance to offer support whilst trying as best as I can to get on with my life. He maintained he just wanted to struggle on his own couldn’t accept my help.
mom Christmas Day he changed his profile picture to a photo with his girlfriend and it is clearly not a new thing. Also he’s 55 she’s 30 max. He couldn’t look happier.
I know I should be glad he’s not worth it etc but I cannot control my emotions at all feel so so devastated and haven’t slept for two days.

why do they do this. I truly believed he was a good guy 🙁

He hasn't got financial issues. He lied about it so he didn't have to have the adult grown up conversation about the fact he's apparently found his soul mate with a woman 25 years younger than him.

I know you are probably right but I just feel like they’re going to live happily ever after. But yes I need to reframe it you are right!! Thank you xx

That’s what I feel like now that he lied about everything probably and that he’s does have enough money to date her just didn’t have the money to date me

I see everyone can’t wait to spin a narrative without the actually facts of the situation. How about determining the actual sequence of events rather than fabricating the worse scenario imaginable? It’s entirely possible he met her after OP and he split. Could be that simple. But unfortunately too boring for MN.

Yes you’re right it could be that. Im
still upset though. But I know I have to get on with it I need to eat and sleep and stop crying I don’t know how I can though I’m so down

He’s been very manipulative putting all that nonsense in your head. It was stringing you along and giving false hope.
Even though you were apart, if you were still in contact a decent person would have let you know they’d met someone else.
As for the Facebook photo, I find it a bit pathetic for a man of 55. And before anyone flames me, I am the same age.
She may be his ‘ideal woman’ but I bet he’s spun her all sorts of stories to try and impress her. She may be an adult but that’s quite an age gap.
I am sure, without you needing to guess, that people who know him cringing.
A relationship like that, built on lies which it will be, because he lied to you and will lie to her, is very far from picture perfect.
It will take time to get over it, you clearly loved this man very much. But the man you loved didn’t really exist, it was just a character this man invented.
You deserve better.

You been on the misogynistic sherry again?

MN also loves to apologise for shitty, selfish men.
This man let the OP care about and support him in the months after their break up but then didn't have the decency to contact her to let her know he had moved on with someone else.

OP, you can probably bet that she isn't his "soul mate" and that it will fizzle out as the age gap becomes more apparent.
Obviously Karma isn't a real thing but, funnily enough, it often is...

Dry your eyes, put him out of your head & do something nice for yourself today. You deserve better x

If you feel able to ignore and block him, then do so. I think it's awful that he's kept you on back burner and almost stringing you along. Why not just say that he's met someone else? Why not just say that he did not want to be in a relationship with OP? I think it shows the deficiency in his character. I'm not talking about age gaps etc, because if he'd met a lady in her 50's, but still told OP the same stuff, I'd think the same.

If he really does have financial problems though, I'd be glad that I'd escaped that one and I'd pity the new woman (unless she has a bank balance like Elon Musk's).

I understand why you're upset. Try and look after yourself though. Speak to friends and family for a bit of support and start with little/often for eating and self care. Give yourself time x

PS FWIW....when OW came out the woodwork, XH told me that she was the best thing since sliced bread, they were soul mates blah blah blah, she understood him better than anyone else. I knew OW (she was a friend), and I knew some of her history (behaviour wise). Broke my heart but also, he was her problem, and I just sat back and waited for the shit to hit the fan with them (I knew it would). Four months after me finding out about her, they broke up in a total blaze of glory. So don't pay too much mind to all the shiny new crap he posts (and seriously, just block him on everything!!) - the only reason I bloody couldn't block and ignore was because I was filing for divorce and we shared a DC. Even if your ex and his new partner don't split, just leave them to it x

it’s a very romantic photo and you can see the bloody Christmas card is the same one he gave me last year!

What did you mean by this sentence op? Did you mean there’s a photo in the background that he gave you last year so you think it’s been going on a while? Or did you mean he weirdly included in the picture a card he gave her this year, and it’s the same as the one he gave you a year ago?

There’s some really callous comments on here. Yes, technically speaking he is allowed to start a new relationship, but the op has come here for emotional support because she loves him, and he lied about the reason he wanted to break up (that particular reason would give any woman in love a glimmer of hope that things will resolve once finances improve)
Op, I’m so sorry you’re hurting-if he’d been honest at the start, it would have hurt like hell, but you’d be on the road to recovery by now, instead of being blindsided and grieving.
Like @PeggyMitchellsCameo said though, you’re grieving for a man who never really existed-he’s not the man he purported to be, and in time that knowledge will help you to heal. There’s no fast way to go through this sort of pain, but let yourself feel it, it’s the healthiest way

Thank you that message really helps and yes I wonder what he’s told her and it’s a massive age gap. The photo had baby stuff in it so she seems to have little ones which I can’t get my head around but could image one will suit him being with someone who can’t go out alot which was his excuse with me that we doesn’t too much. Thank you for that post.

I've never know a man leave any relationship for any other reason (other than DV)

Your right - It's always another woman

@Orangesinthebag absolutely.

He may well have met her since you split, tbh if she is that much younger than the likelihood is she will want things he simply can’t give her if he is broke etc.

Although he may well have not cheated he should have told you and not left you thinking there was still a chance and trying to give him emotional support. I think some men just like to have a few people to message etc.

At 55 he hasn’t got his life in order which isn’t a great position to be in at that age, maybe he just things a relationship is the answer to his problems (I mean it’s obviously not)

As others have said block him and just move on. And don’t hang around waiting for him in the hope he might come back.

Haha, I think that one is permanently on it.

OP - I understand why you’re upset. He allowed you to think he was having problems unrelated to relationship stuff which meant he could no longer have one with you and accepted your support and then let you find out that was not exactly the case on Xmas Day. Hell, even if you had known he was seeing someone else seeing that and him getting her the same card he got you before would have stung like mad.

Look after yourself. I can understand why you saw him on FB, from what you’re saying here the last four months you’ve felt like at the least you’re still friends and you wanted to support him. Now you have this extra info it might be wise to take some space from him via social media or elsewhere and leave him to it.

Yes thank you for that message. Yes you could see a card in the photo and he gave me the same card one year! 😱 I was fuming but now the crying and sadness has started and feel so awful to be like this for my family and friends around me as I’ve been miserable for months but now it’s like ground zero agsin. Yes if he’d said this in the first place it would’ve hurt but he was crying telling me about his financial problem and how he didn’t want to drag me down. So I have space and supported him from a distance. I tried to get on with my life but now realise I wasn’t really

@Unhappyheart I really feel for you. It's such a horrible feeling to know someone you genuinely care about would not have the balls to tell you how it is. That and the fact they seem to find a substitute so easily when decent men are so thin on the ground. It is both galling and heartbreaking so you've so many emotions to wrestle with.
Take care of yourself and let yourself feel how you feel. I'm hoping this gets easier for you soon. 🙏

Yea I totally get it and it’s really painful. It’s hard to move on when you care about someone and think perhaps in time if you’re supportive things can work out etc or to feel sorry for them and want to be supportive.

Take this now as your ending, as painful as it is, and it’s ok to be angry - whether there was an overlap or not. I’d be pissed off if I was supporting someone crying and telling me they didn’t want to drag me down and then I saw them happily showing off their new person I had no idea about!

It more than likely won't last with him and the younger woman.

Block and move on. I fear when it's over, he will be straight back to you and THAT is when you need all your strength to tell him to fuck off. He will do it again and again because he will know you are waiting.

Sorry this has happened but you deserve so much better, and you will have so much better. Then you will look back and be so grateful you never stayed around.

It’s pathetic for a 55 year old man to change his photo on Facebook to that knowing you would see it. And not saying anything to you. Financial difficulties indeed. What a coward. I would be thinking she is welcome to him. I would be blocking him for sure.

pictures on Facebook always look like everything is perfect when a lot of the time it isn’t. Someone else could easily be getting that Xmas card next year I reckon.

Why are women forever supporting men who've dumped them?

I'm sorry you're hurting, but the next time a man tells you a relationship is over, LET HIM GO! People will use you / suck up all your good energy if you let them. You have to take some responsibility for allowing this to drag on for 4 months post break up.
He wasn't giving you hope. He was taking advantage of you opening up yourself to be his support system, even after he told you he didn't want to be in a relationship with you.

Once you've gotten past the hurt, you must work on guarding your heart, time and energy in your next relationship.

Unhappyheart. I feel for you. It's not the actual end of the relationship ( although it hurts) It's the lies. Remember that everyone puts an edited version of events on FB. They are in the honeymoon period & he will be on his best behaviour. Give it time & the 30 year old will discover that men in their 50's generally moan ALOT. He may not be so attractive then, and you will have had a lucky escape.
Keep looking forward & plan some adventures with friends 💐

Let’s face it he is a lying, cheating scum bag.
He doesn’t have financial problems that was a lie. He was shagging this much younger woman, or was intending to shag her whilst he was still with the op. Instead of being honest he came up with some crap.
Why do women want to be with someone old enough to be their father? I personally don’t understand it. Maybe her being a single parent stuck with a baby had something to do with it.
What a life for her though op, in years to come stuck with someone who may need looking after whilst she is relatively young. Then he will die and she will be left alone.
No wonder women are choosing to stay single if this is how men behave.

Just let him go. No man is worth it

I'm sorry OP, that's a horrible way to find out he's moved on with someone else. He obviously lied to you about his reason for breaking up with you and that's cowardly and deceitful of him. It sounds like he is not the person you thought he was and you're well rid of him.

You're allowed to be sad and cry so just let it all out, have a good vent with your close friends. Block him on everything. You can now move on with your life and you will be happy again, even if it doesn't feel like that now 💐