Why oh why is there always another woman 🙁

[Unhappyheart]

I’m so sad and desperate praying someone up will message.
Broke up with my partner about 4 months ago after what I thought was the perfect relationship. I loved him so much and try believed he loved me. All my family and friends thought we were going to b getting married and everyone commented how happy we both were.
anyway out of the blue he told me he had financial problem and needed to sort tyrm
out and didn’t want to drag me down.
I was devastated
however I kept in touch from a distance to offer support whilst trying as best as I can to get on with my life. He maintained he just wanted to struggle on his own couldn’t accept my help.
mom Christmas Day he changed his profile picture to a photo with his girlfriend and it is clearly not a new thing. Also he’s 55 she’s 30 max. He couldn’t look happier.
I know I should be glad he’s not worth it etc but I cannot control my emotions at all feel so so devastated and haven’t slept for two days.

why do they do this. I truly believed he was a good guy 🙁

He doesn’t regret it right now because it’s still early days and he has a young woman on his arm, but he will. Relationships with that sort of age gap rarely last, and my guess would be that she has a whole host of issues of her own if she is settling down with a man 25 years her senior. It’s very highly likely to end in tears.

I hope so!! It feels so unfair that he’s swanned off and got everything he wanted and I’m up all night crying. After crying for months.
God I’ve been so stupid!! I was fine before him, single for years but happy. I cannot believe I’ve allowed him to upset me but I know I’ve done it to myself really!! I’ve been such an idiot really

Men are so full of shit.

To be honest OP, it seems like you’re the one that had the lucky escape and his young woman is in for hell. He sounds like an abuser to be honest.

Going for a very much younger woman is a massive power move 🚩 She’s probably vulnerable psychologically.

New relationship very quickly after the last? 🚩 Potentially pregnant very quickly? 🚩 Moved in with her very quickly? 🚩 then you say he tried to get you to agree to moving in together but you didn’t agree to it? That’s probably why he’s settled for her! He may well turn out to be narcissistic and controlling and knows he can’t get what he wanted out of you.

How long were you together?

You haven't been an idiot, Unhappyheart. You loved him and thought he loved you, you behaved normally. How long were you with him, if you don't mind me asking?

The man is an arsehole.

I think he'll regret his new relationship and it will come to a natural end but that is not your problem, it's time for you to move on.

Be strong! Time does heal - you've had a lucky escape. I hope 2025 brings you peace and enjoyment.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this op, I totally get why you are so upset.

Now it’s time to block him out completely and start focussing on getting your life back to where it should be. Enough time has been spent breaking your heart over this guy. It’s going to take time, but you will get there I promise and you will be pleased he’s no longer in your life.

He broke up with OP citing financial problems and she was trying to be supportive. Seeing the photo and the realisation that he wasn’t the person she thought he was, would have`been devastating.

Come back to your thread in the future OP.
She's 25 years younger than him and this is unlikely to work in the long run.
His best years are behind him. The age gap will start to show very soon.
She may well do to him what he did to you..

it won’t last. Even if it did, she will be going through the menopause when he is 70 ghastly prospect.
My ex shacked up with a woman 27 years younger than him - he is now 70 and she is 43… In that case it is because he has £££ but he could hang on for another 20 years while she is his carer… so she could be a rich widow in her 60s, but what a waste of years!
I can now sit back with the popcorn as she isn’t getting the life she imagined and they both always look utterly miserable in public (shiny on social media).
in your case it is likely to implode much quicker if he is c- lodging with her and young kids.
The risk is that he will come back to you -as others have said -that is when you will need all your strength to resist -and you really should.
Block him everywhere and avoid the places he frequents. It dies eff be centrally get easier but unfortunately there is no shortcut. Instead of the sleeping pill fo lots of exercise -join a gym and sign up for as many classes as you can -even if you hate it at first make yourself go as it will become a ‘new’ habit which is what you now need
Matthew Hussey (podcasts and YouTube) hadd really helpful advice on this.

He’s spineless. Someone better waiting for you. He’s done you a favour. New year, new start. Refocus. Not meant to be.x

Ah op, I'm so sorry this has been such a drawn out series of awful realisations to get to the truth. You didn't deserve it at all. The thing to remember is - He put on a show of being the really good guy while seeing 2 women at the same time for months. He had no loyalty to either of you. However 'ideal' she might seem, he still kept all his options open just in case things didn't pan out - for him. He played it all for his personal benefit. Including his faux financial concerns...so he could come trotting back if things didnt pan out. It's sneaky and devious and he is not a prize.

I hope you manage some rest and to eat soon. Realising someone is absolutely not who you thought they were is really shocking to the system x

I hope you managed to sleep OP. Once you are over the shock you need to find your anger and use that to motivate you to get back to being the happy person you were before.

He left you because he was living a lie and couldn't manipulate you by the sounds of things. Do not give this excuse for a human an opportunity to get back in touch with you. Block him and delete his number.

I've seen this happen so many times ,Don't worry you'll see your day, the 25 year age gap will see to that, once the novelty wears off , just sit back and watch the fireworks.

Agreed. It was wrong letting her worry. And let's face it, it's just gross for a man to be dating someone his daughter's age.

He wasn’t honest op that’s why it hurt. I would block him on everything. If you were in touch he could have told you he was dating. Some people are never happy with what they have. You will look back and realise you escaped for better I’m sure.

Well OP

• he’s lied to you to get out of the relationship
• so he’s lied to her at the start of theirs
• Highly likely that he met her while he was with you and this is why he lied to get out
• An immature 55yr old isn’t going to stick around for long if she has young kids

Or does this go back further

Could the kids be his?
How long we’re you with him for and we’re you public with the relationship?

Either way, he’s not a nice man and the good guy you thought he was, and he won’t be for this woman either

You are not an idiot, all your friends and family were taken in by a plausible con artist. You were too sensible for him, not doing everything for him. So he's found someone else to deceive and when she realises who he is she'll probably show him the door.

His "financial troubles" were not being able to afford to go out with two of you. He couldnt be honest about the cause of them.

Keep repeating the trash took itself out. In time you'll be grateful.

Well that’s just awful OP. But his cowardice and dishonesty is a reflection of him , not you. Some men are very good at presenting a version of themselves that fool people. It’s awful he’s done this, not been honest with you. Give yourself time to grieve but do block him.

He was still single at the time I presume, sure wallowing over it for months afterwards may make her feel better but wouldn't it be best to move on? He sounds not very nice but the op knows that now yet still gives him space in her head and other poster's helping her to live in the drama are not helping her do any good

What an arse. My ex SIL did this. Instead of being honest and telling my brother that she met an ex-boyfriend (who she is now married to) she said she didn’t love him anymore but would go to couple counselling and meet up every week to do an activity. Not sure why she couldn’t just be honest. My brother is happily married to someone else now and to be honest, is much happier. It’s hard right now, but in the long run you’ll be glad you didn’t get mixed up with his debt etc.

@derbiee no , op updated the thread. There was an overlap of a couple of months where he was seeing both of them.

She's realised all this over a couple of days, it's hardly 'living in the drama'

This very much reminds me of a man I used to know who was basically looking for somewhere to live and a woman to look after him. He would have moved in anywhere, with anyone. Found a lovely, hardworking woman (who was also very naive). She now works all hours to provide for them both while he trains and retrains for jobs he never ends up doing (the training courses costing a lot of money) and plays his guitar (he always fancied himself as a rock star). He’s in his early 60s now and still dreaming of being a rock star.

Your ex is 55, with a young woman and possibly a baby or two. Nightmare. Believe me, this is not the stuff dreams are made of. She won’t be going anywhere and will be ‘stuck’ for the foreseeable with a cocklodger. If young children are on the scene, they will be exhausted and unlikely to be going out enjoying themselves. You have your freedom OP. I know which I’d rather have!

urgh, this is horrible for you to discover at Christmas. It isn’t easy to end a relationship with someone, but to do it in a way that makes that person feel sorry for you whilst giving hope that there will be a reconciliation is really shitty and cowardly.

I hope this new relationship started after you’d broken up, but it sounds like she was already lined up, and whilst the age difference is unnerving, it’s best to ignore it rather than react to it, he could end up looking like a right fool.

This is your cue to unfollow him on everything, delete his number so you’re not tempted to contact him and concentrate on your own life, keeping busy, seeing friends and hopefully fixing your broken heart.

So sorry to hear you are going through this OP. I had an ex like this and it broke my heart completely on more than one occasion, but you will get through this and you are better off without his nonsense. If you can’t eat or sleep try box breathing - in for 4, hold for 4, out for 8 and then repeat until you feel your body relax. It’s a good way to release tension and reset your nervous system. You will look back next Christmas and see how far you’ve come 💐

What an immature coward not telling you the true; FGS he is 55 not 18; preferred to lie than facing you.

He is really not worth it. Hope you find a real man. The one you deserve