Christmas dinner with an Alcoholic

[Dmsatdawn]

My husband is an alcoholic and is 60+ days sober. We are hosting a family Christmas dinner party of 5 adults, including my 94 yr old father. I’m posting for advice from anyone with experience - do I deny my guests of alcohol - specially my dad who loves a glass of red (and may not spend many more christmases with us)?

I've not had a drink in 25 years and I still can't have it in my house.

So if somebody weighs 30 stone and is on a restrictive diet, you don’t serve dessert at all?
Or if one guest is vegan so you don’t serve turkey to anyone?
Everybody faces challenges. This is the first of a great many your husband will see, and most will be outside the realm of your control.
Grandpa shouldn’t go without just because someone else has an issue. What did Grandpa do to deserve this? Poor Grandpa.

Absolutely this. This needs top priority! You can't put anyone else's frivolous wants over his very important needs. You were very selfish and silly to even buy the Prosecco in the first place.

Completely agree

WTF - are you actually comparing an alcoholic to someone on a diet... 🤯

His response to Prosecco in the fridge tells you he isn’t ready for alcohol in the house. You should contact your guests and let them know in advance it will be a dry party. You don’t want them showing up with bottles as hosting gifts. You also don’t want them saying anything negative if they find out at the event.

Way too soon. The first Christmas is EXCRUCIATING. It does get better. I can be around people drinking now after 4 years (although struggle around drunk people).

Alcohol free. It is yours and dhs home. Your guests should want to support DH and his sobriety and it’s not a big ask for them to go a single day without booze to help him.

I will also be having an alcoholic guest here on Christmas Day. I don’t drink so was planning on soft drinks anyway, but should I also scrap the flaming brandy and brandy butter with the Christmas pud? This thread makes me feel I’ve been embarrassingly naive to think these would be ok. I’m grateful to have been made to think properly about it. I guess custard as an accompaniment would work, and we drop the flaming altogether?
Edited to say the guest is only a few months into sobriety.

that is shocking
who do you share a house with?

I’d err on the side of caution and go with the custard.

With respect, I can’t believe how naive you are being.

Absolutely No alcohol.

You’re playing with fire.

Yes, I’ll do this, thank you.

@SunnyAgain don't forget the alcohol in the pudding itself...

Creme Fraiche is also good with Christmas pudding, less sweet than custard and it's entirely alcohol-free. Presumably, you've got a no-alcohol pudding?

I think when you married your husband, who has an illness, and is trying to get better, you promised to be a united front and a team on matters like this and on that basis you should not have any alcohol in the house and how anyone else feels about that is irrelevant.

Really I don't think hosting christmas is a good idea with an alcoholic in the house so early into recovery as its very stressful and fu llof people who are drinking or cutting loose on something but it's too late to go back now.

Your dad being 94 is irrelevant, if he wishes to have a christmas drink he should do it off the premises.

I realise this now. It’s quite new territory for me.

The pudding is homemade and has a splash of cherry brandy in 😣 It was made before we knew this guest would be coming. I could get an alcohol-free one tomorrow and save the homemade one for Boxing Day when we have no guests.

Creme fraiche sounds a good alternative to offer, thank you. I think the teens would like the option of custard.

Apologies if @Lighteningstrikes comment wasn’t directed at me, and for diverting the thread a bit.

@SunnyAgain might be safer to do that. It could be fine, but it also could not be.

What about alcohol free red wine for your DF .... would he even notice?

You can also buy Nosecco for bubbles.

Would it be wise to check with the guest beforehand if the homemade pudding is ok or might he not be a good judge of the situation? To make things trickier it’s my ex (invited to join us so he can see the children for the day) so I already feel I’m walking on eggshells a bit!

I wouldn't check tbh. I'd definitely get an alcohol free one. You don't want to potentially set him off when it's supposed to be a nice time for the children's sakes.

I know it’s not what you asked but please check any foods you might have bought which could contain alcohol. I have grown up with alcoholics and am so disgusted by alcohol I can’t have it in any food so keep checking all ingredients and it’s in SO many things, sometimes when you wouldn’t expect it. For Christmas, there are also the obvious things like gravy, desserts, chocolates, red cabbage, frozen chocolate cakes etc. (Don’t get me started on restaurant food where it’s often not labelled).
Even the flavour in food can trigger.

Thank you for the advice. All the food is homemade from scratch and it’s just the pudding and mince pies that contain alcohol. I’ll get replacements tomorrow.