This is probably a rant but I need to offload and share before I can think about going back to sleep.
My partner snores.
it is extremely loud to the point where he can’t stay at mine when the kids are home because it keeps them awake.
when it’s just us I often ask him to sleep downstairs.
i really struggle with insomnia and once I’m woken up it’s really hard to get back to sleep, especially because I’m subconsciously on tenterhooks awaiting the next big sound.
he also does weird chokes sounds and stops breathing.
this is most nights but there’s occasionally quieter ones.
his dad has a history of heart attacks and I’ve read that sleep apnoea can exacerbate risk.
i feel really stressed and upset when I can’t sleep, I also have several coexisting health conditions, physical and neurological.
he is often tired but he is not bothered by his own snoring.
he once mentioned it to his gp but the gp said if my partner isnt bothered by it then he doesn’t need referral to sleep clinic.
i asked him to download a snoring app which he has used once.
It recorded disturbed sleep and really high decibels (I can’t remember the number but it registered as very loud).
he sleeps like the dead and is always out like a light.
i use earplugs, white noise, podcasts, various sleeping tablets etc, to try and cancel out the noise , sometimes all at once but he also physically rumbles at times and is quite lively in his sleep and finds my various sounds annoying.
i don’t feel there’s anymore compromise I can make.
this means our nights together are infrequent which I find hard and struggle to see how we can progress our relationship if we can’t sleep together most nights.
i rarely stay at his house as he has housemates and it’s not so relaxing or private but i stayed tonight for a change of scene for me, constant hosting is also a ballache.
he was ready to sleep early and he fell asleep straight into snoring and I struggled to fall asleep until about 1 or 2am, partly because of the noise but every time I dropped off I’d be woken up by another big snore or choke, I laid there for ages trying to get back off but by 230 I was wide awake and on the verge of tears.
i didn’t want to sleep on the sofa as I knew one housemate was at party and I had no idea when he might roll in and whether he’d go straight to the lounge and I had no idea what the other one’s plans were so felt if I slept on the sofa I’d still be on eggshells expecting to get woken up.
I couldn’t get a taxi as none available due to clubs kicking out time and had to wake him for his house keys so I could get out and lock up again.
he didn’t wake properly but offered to drive me home, he looked completely out of it and I thought it would be a hassle for him to drive , plus unfair and probably unsafe, plus it was my decision to leave.
I was so desperate to get out and come home to bed so I said I’ll walk into town and get a taxi there, he sort of insisted but at the same time was half asleep and laid back down put his headphones back on and was asleep before I even left his bedroom.
i walked into town feeling quite nervous and a bit stupid and nervous in case something sinister happened but I got to the taxi rank and got home in one piece.
obviously he is fast asleep so hasn’t checked i got home ok which has pissed me off a bit because I feel he could have at least done that if he wasn’t physically up to the task of driving, despite offering .
I feel upset that he’s asleep with no knowledge of whether I am home safe and I’m aware that might sound diva-ish but it’s how I feel after half an hour sleep and having been up since 530 the day before
Ive just got home now and am quite upset, I think because I have said so many times in so many ways how this snoring is affecting me, the kids don’t like it and I am genuinely worried about his health.
i have medical ptsd because of my own experiences and things that were overlooked etc.
so i don’t know how to progress.
i
don’t see how we can ever live together in future (we’ve been together nearly two years)
he says it never bothered his wife because he mainly worked night shifts when they were together for over twenty years
He has talked about buying a cpap online but they’re prescription only as far as I know, he doesn’t remember to use the snoring app and also uses his phone to listen to headphones through the night so the snore app doesn’t work alongside it (I think he said)
theres only so many times i can ask him to get referral to sleep clinic or to even monitor his snoring.
i have several (women) friends who use cpap and really rate it , I don’t know for sure he has sleep apnoea but everything I’ve seen and heard from him and what I’ve read all matches up.
he also has hiatus hernia so not sure if that’s affecting his sleep and breathing .
hes clearly not bothered and I feel like we’re at an impasse.
I love him and want to be together but I’m fed up with this and it’s making me feel sad. And stressed and it’s definitely affecting my health and my mental and emotional wellbeing