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Original poster

Anxious about 2nd date...

84 replies

livingthedream303 · 19/12/2024 21:39

Having had no luck on the dating apps for some time (why are so many men aged 40+ still not sure what they are looking for/only wanting non-monogamy/bitter etc?) I had a great date last weekend - we spent 7 hours drinking and chatting and we did have sex. I got home in the early hours of the morning.

We are going for our second date tomorrow, he has said that he may have to work on Saturday but has suggested going for drinks again. I am anxious at the moment for many reasons and so now I am anxious about this - I am not sure if this means he's not that into me? My last two boyfriends wanted to see me asap after the first date and took me to dinner on the second whereas this guy only wants to do drinks and will have to leave early because of work.

I think I am probably being unreasonable but I can't really tell...any words of advice???

OP posts:
TTPDTS · 19/12/2024 21:49

I'd say it's a good sign you're meeting up less than a week on from your first date - especially if you've already slept together (if that was all he was after he wouldn't have bothered with a second date!).

Dinner would perhaps have been nice, but if he's off to work early maybe not feasible. Maybe if date 2 goes well you can suggest dinner next?

Original poster
livingthedream303 · 19/12/2024 22:18

@TTPDTS thanks, I guess I wonder if he really liked me he'd take me for dinner? And I'm disappointed that we won't be having wild sex til the early hours like last time again lol. But he has offered to come to my town again (he lives 30 mins away) so he is making an effort...that must be a positive???

OP posts:
Sadlonely80 · 19/12/2024 22:19

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Lostworlds · 19/12/2024 22:20

I agree with @TTPDTS i think it’s a good sign you’re meeting up again so soon. Why don’t you suggest going for dinner instead?

He’s making the effort to see you when he only has a short amount of time and hasn’t suggested just meeting in your house implying that he only wants sex.

Sadlonely80 · 19/12/2024 22:22

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Namechange2272 · 19/12/2024 22:23

That's a great sign he is coming to you!

Crushed23 · 19/12/2024 22:28

How did you get wild sex till the early hours of the morning on a first date?! I'm envious. I've had 3 dates so far with a guy and we haven't got past a quick kiss at the end of the night. Really keen to sleep with him soon (to at least find out if there's sexual chemistry between us!)

Any tips, OP & others?!

Agree with PP that it's a good sign you're meeting up soon after the first date. Hope it goes well.

TwistedWonder · 19/12/2024 22:29

Personally I find suggesting dinner dates lazy and generic like that’s what they think they’re supposed to do and so I’d see that as a positive that he’s not taking that easy route. I’m not sure get your thinking that if he liked you he’d take you to dinner.

Drinks are far more behaved and better to have proper chats without the interruption of food.

The fact he wanted another date quickly is the green flag and he’s not making having to go to work an excuse for not meeting.

Original poster
livingthedream303 · 19/12/2024 22:37

Thanks everyone, I need to calm down!

@Crushed23 honestly I'm not really sure, it just kind of happened. We were getting on really well and laughing and joking and then he just kissed me and it went from there. I certainly wasn't expecting to have sex on the first date. I did try to be a bit flirty during the date - eye contact, touching his hand etc but nothing too much.

Also something I find weird is that he's barely alluded to the sex? In the past men would have been sexting me after that or at least hinting at looking forward to the next time so that is another thing that makes me wonder if he's into me but maybe he's just different. I wish my brain would switch off!

OP posts:
Sadlonely80 · 19/12/2024 22:38

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TwistedWonder · 19/12/2024 22:40

You need to stop overthinking OP. You’re worrying that he’s not going for a bland dull obvious choice of date and that he’s not a sex pest?

Just calm your thoughts and chill for your meet up. Don’t let thinking ‘why and what if’ ruin it - just go with it

BlueSky2023 · 19/12/2024 22:48

You won’t know until you meet him, but make sure he likes you for you and not just the wild sex you can have, when you have sex very early on it’s difficult to know…..no judgement by the way as I know sometimes it just happens especially after drink

unclemtty · 19/12/2024 22:49

Do you actually like him?
In what way was the first date great, because you had great sex and you felt he liked you?

It sounds like he wants drinks and more sex, but not to lose any sleep this time. 30mins driving doesn't seem that much effort? I drive to a TKMAX that's 30mins away, doesn't feel that impressive to me?

There doesn't seem anyway from what you've said to know if this is a purely sexual thing or will be the start of a relationship.
Just be your authentic self, don't put up with any crap, and time will tell.

Original poster
livingthedream303 · 19/12/2024 22:52

@TwistedWonder lol you're right!

@unclemtty well obvs I don't really know him but we did spend hours chatting and he seemed to have qualities I like, he also made me laugh and I fancied him so at the moment I feel like I like him. It's the uncertainty that I hate!

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 19/12/2024 22:55

Geez, you have low standards, sexting before or after only one date would turn me right off a person, but you even want and expect it!
You, however, seem to get insecure unless a man makes it known he wants you for sex. Hopefully, you've happened on a decent bloke, but the way your self esteem is tied up with continuous affirmation that sex is wanted, you are at risk of ending up with someone who gives you just that, and not the other parts of a relationship.

Original poster
livingthedream303 · 19/12/2024 23:00

@Opentooffers I do want the other parts of a relationship too but I guess I don't know how men show they like you other than sex, esp in the early days?

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 19/12/2024 23:12

Wow, it's actually the opposite, if they respect you, sex is usually off the table initially- how have you not learnt this? You get them to do the relationship stuff first ideally, otherwise they'll know they don't need to do much to get sex. You are actually saying that other than sex, you don't know that wanting to take you on dates and spend time chatting and doing activities with you, is an indication they like you? Sex doesn't necessarily mean a man likes you, plenty of men would go along with it when offered even if they don't plan on seeing a woman again. You need to know that sex can mean in that moment they are up for it, but nothing more than that, sex is not proof of anything, it's the other stuff that means more.

TwistedWonder · 19/12/2024 23:20

livingthedream303 · 19/12/2024 23:00

@Opentooffers I do want the other parts of a relationship too but I guess I don't know how men show they like you other than sex, esp in the early days?

I find it a bit sad that you think that at 40+. Lets be honest, most the men on OLD would shag a stray dog if it stood still long enough. Men don’t have to like you to have sex - most of them will if the offer is there.

You seem to have a very strange view of how men ‘prove’ they like you if I’m honest,

Men show you they like you in many different ways, the way they communicate, being keen to see you, making sure you know they like you - it’s nothing to do with buying you dinner, sex or sexting.

Original poster
livingthedream303 · 19/12/2024 23:22

@Opentooffers my last relationships still went ahead despite sex early on, and I have waited to have sex when dating before only for the guy to disappear afterwards, but I do see your point.

OP posts:
BlueSky2023 · 19/12/2024 23:30

livingthedream303 · 19/12/2024 22:52

@TwistedWonder lol you're right!

@unclemtty well obvs I don't really know him but we did spend hours chatting and he seemed to have qualities I like, he also made me laugh and I fancied him so at the moment I feel like I like him. It's the uncertainty that I hate!

There is uncertainty at the beginning of every relationship, and yes, most people find that stage stressful

Original poster
livingthedream303 · 19/12/2024 23:39

@BlueSky2023 any tips for dealing with it before I drive myself mad???

OP posts:
BlueSky2023 · 19/12/2024 23:48

livingthedream303 · 19/12/2024 23:39

@BlueSky2023 any tips for dealing with it before I drive myself mad???

None unfortunately, but I suppose I wouldn’t get too drunk tomorrow night as I think you will have a better gauge on whether he likes you or not when you are less drunk, I also wouldn’t sleep with him tomorrow night ( he has already said he is busy on Sat anyway) and see if he still wants to meet you for a 3rd time if he didn’t get the wild sex…..let us know how it goes, maybe he is your prince charming😊

Opentooffers · 20/12/2024 00:10

The men who are after sex only, will try to go for it ASAP, men who see sex as transactional, will hang around a bit longer and do other stuff until sex happens, and then be off. Men who like you will enjoy doing the other stuff with you and not disappear after sex.
If you hold out, the first lot lose interest, trying to tell the difference between the other 2 types is the very hard part, it is hard to tell, it can be a minefield, but what you can say is that the longer you take to get to know them, then hopefully there is more of a chance of being able to suss where they are at. Jumping in is just crossing your fingers, not saying it hasn't ever worked that way, but the chances are less.
In this instance, him wanting to meet up again is a good sign, also him possibly making it known prior that he wants to see you even if sex is not on the table, is an even better sign. A man who only wants to see you if sex is on the cards, is not a man who likes you, it's shocking you don't know that.

Elizo · 20/12/2024 00:18

It seems positive. Try to relax into it and go one step at a time. Sounds fun whatever happens

Moresunlessrain · 20/12/2024 05:45

I would do a bit of digging to make sure he's definitely single...

Wanting to travel to you for a quick drinks date (and I suspect hoping he can go back to yours but then leave quickly) just makes me wonder.

But assuming he checks out... relax and enjoy! The wild sex sounds fab

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