Scared of my STBXH tonight

[bitscaredtonight]

A handhold would be very much appreciated tonight if anyone is available.
Unfortunately we're still living together until the house sells. He's been drinking and is quite angry.
He wants to cut off his wedding ring and was looking for tools to do this - I suggested getting a jeweller tomorrow but this made him angry. I think I was supposed to ask him not to take it off, but I was quite pleased as I thought it meant that he is getting his head round the idea of divorce a bit. It is me that wants to split up. He doesn't want to, even though he gives every impression that he doesn't like me.
He has been violent in the past, although quite a long time ago. But the fear has never left and I'm scared to go to sleep tonight.

Do you have any friends or family you can call who may be able to let you stay at theirs for tonight? Just a thought. Please call police for help if you genuinely feel nervous of him tonight, your safety is paramount here.

Can you block the bedroom door or lock it .

Are there children there ?

I would avoid him best I can .

Can you go somewhere else tonight?

Normally I'd say to stay in your home and him be the one to leave, but in the current circumstances, your safety is the priority.

I don't want to scare you further, I know this is your real life and you are going through it, but statistically speaking, the time in which a woman is leaving or ending a relationship is the most dangerous; abusive men can and do turn more violent, even lethal, when faced with losing their partner.

You might not characterise your relationship as abusive which is completely fine, but you at the very least already know he has the propensity to be violent. He's drunk.

Is there any way you could get him or yourself out of the house? Do you have kids?

He has been violent in the past

With divorce as a trigger and this as history I think you should sleep elsewhere tonight.

Agree with pp. Please contact someone in real life and leave now.

He's violent, he's drunk and is being threatening about the ring, wants you to be frightened he'll injure him or you. PLEASE get out tonight and don't return unaccompanied. Contact Refuge or Women's Aid, they can help you plan your next steps.
Don't hesitate to call police to get out safely, any problems talking on the phone when call is connected, press '5' and the operator will know you can't speak.

Do you have any family/friends you could stay with? Do you have children?

Op please let us know you are ok xx

I'm ok

Children are grown up so no worries for them.
Can't lock the bedroom door unfortunately re pets.

He's just spoken to me and seems more sober and calm

Book a hotel room now

This is what you need to do

Please op just book a hotel and just go there now

Ok well just keep a very low profile and stay safe xx

I think this is my best bet - it will only inflame things even more if I leave

You need a long term plan because you can't have him doing this regularly. I have no sympathy for the dick. He sounds vile.

Get a lock sorted on your door asap. You can't risk this again night after night.

Just say little as possible and hope the twat falls asleep.

Can you let anyone in your life know what he's like so there's someone aware so to speak in case of emergencies.

Some friends do know what he's like.
I am divorcing him and moving quite far away, but currently waiting for the house sale to go through .

He keeps coming into my room (used to be our room) to use the ensuite - he could use the other bathroom.
It really feels like he's making a point that he can shit wherever he wants to.

He doesn't deserve any sympathy - he has brought it all on himself.
He thought I would just keep on taking it, for financial security, but I just can't do it any more.

He sounded scary though OP so you best get a plan in case he gets worse as this becomes reality and he loses it with you physically. Get locks sorted on your door and tell others about him. Have someone on standby.

Using the en-suite is about control. Trust your gut @bitscaredtonight.

If moving out isn’t an option, please consider fitting a lock on your bedroom door tomorrow.

I have a lock on the door, although I'm not sure where the key is.
I can't lock it because I have cats who sleep in the bed with me and they need to get out to use the litter tray and eat during the night.

1. Use a door wedge or similar to keep him out.
2. He can use dental floss to get the ring off. I suspect that's just an excuse to be mean to you though.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=rQ2HO1loieA

I have places I can go (my DD) if it escalates.

Put the litter tray and the food in your room.