Scared of my STBXH tonight

[bitscaredtonight]

A handhold would be very much appreciated tonight if anyone is available.
Unfortunately we're still living together until the house sells. He's been drinking and is quite angry.
He wants to cut off his wedding ring and was looking for tools to do this - I suggested getting a jeweller tomorrow but this made him angry. I think I was supposed to ask him not to take it off, but I was quite pleased as I thought it meant that he is getting his head round the idea of divorce a bit. It is me that wants to split up. He doesn't want to, even though he gives every impression that he doesn't like me.
He has been violent in the past, although quite a long time ago. But the fear has never left and I'm scared to go to sleep tonight.

Because you are frightened of him and that's filling up your brain so you have insufficient mental resources to analyse problems and think of solutions. At some level, you recognise this because you posted here for help.

Nice work. I hope you have a great Christmas with your family.

I’m glad you’re safe and you have support.

The men are probably mostly lorry drivers. Ferries tend to have a lot of male passengers for this reason.

Hopefully, your voyage is over now and you are away from the snoring.

Was just going to say this! I know you're probably scared but not all men are like your husband / ex husband. There will be a lot of good men on that ferry who would look after any woman in trouble. You'll be fine. Safe travels with your cats ❤

Wow! @bitscaredtonight well done for fleeing!
i hope your cats 🐈 don’t need passports wherever they are headed- obviously not as you are / were on a ferry.

Hope it was a calm crossing for you all.

New Year, New start !

That's a great update and took a lot of courage to leave in such a hurried manner.
Hopefully that's you on the road to finding a peaceful and fulfilling life.wishing you all the best op.

The ferry was fine - I know NAMALT but I just need a more female environment for a bit!
I am aware I am very lucky to have somewhere safe to go, even if it was v far away.
The cats have been brilliant and so calm they must sense the difference in me.

When I first posted on Wednesday I couldn't have imagined I would be here now - it didn't feel at all possible but after Wednesday night I just couldn't stay.
Apparently he doesn't get it at all and has no idea how unsafe his behaviour made me feel 🤦🏻‍♀️

So pleased for you.
You should be very proud of yourself..well done and have a happy Christmas.

Yeah right. Lol.

Really glad you and your cats are fine. Merry Christmas!

Very glad you left, well done. Potentially dangerous to carry on living with an angry, possibly violent ex. As you mention ferries presumably you are far away from him. Keep up the physical and emotional distance.

Yeah right lol what?
Do you not believe me???
This is my real life and going through one of the worst experiences ever.
Thank you everyone else for your kindness and support.

I think she meant of course he knew how he was making your feel.

@bitscaredtonight
I just read through this thread and you are literally a hero. I was so impressed with your actions.
You just went fuck this mumsnet you are right . You saved those cats and yourself and got away. You are basically Ripley from Aliens. Who is the best hero, which is a well known fact.
I am totally jealous I wanted to be Ripley.

Of course - apologies @AlertCat.
Yes I'm sure he knew but he just didn't give a shit.

Well done! I’m so relieved to hear you’re leaving and took the cats, he sounds terrifying. He knew full well how unsafe he was making you feel, I would love to be a fly on the wall when he wakes up x

I am sorry that this post came across in the way it did to you. I had meant to quote this bit, about your STBXH
Apparently he doesn't get it at all and has no idea how unsafe his behaviour made me feel 🤦🏻‍♀️
and my “yeah right, lol” was sarcasm aimed at him. But I forgot the quote so it landed badly. I apologise. I have also been in a frightening relationship and really didn’t intend to upset you.

Thank you @AlertCatand apologies for over- reacting - in my defence I had been awake for 24 hours straight.

I had the best sleep I've had for probably years last night!
So lovely to nod off knowing I won't be woken like that again 😊

I am so proud of you! Well done and sleep soundly. Glad your cats are safe too

I’m so happy you’re sleeping! You’ll probably need a lot more than usual as your nervous system resets. You said you practise yoga, is there scope for you to do some restorative and yoga nidra? Really good for deep rest and allowing the brain and central nervous systems to come out of chronic stress and recover. (Apologies if you know all this!)

Love your updates, it’s so nice seeing someone escape a toxic situation as you have done.

My ex was like this, I called the police and had him removed from the house so he went to stay with his mum. I then got a domestic violence protection order. If you're scared to go to sleep, call the police.