Things you actually can’t believe your (ex) partner did…

[Evian43]

I know some people have real horrible relationships but on the lesser side of horrible, here are some things that I can’t believe now looking back my ex wife did regularly-

• only washed her own clothes. Didn’t wash the children’s or mine with hers (but then didnt do a separate wash even if the kids clothes)
• clean her side of the bedroom only. Said she didn’t think to clean the other side as it’s ‘my’ side
• stop at the shop on the way home and get herself a few nice treats. Didn’t get me or kids anything or ask if we needed anything for the house/family

My ex took one of them low energy bulbs from top of my staircase.. he said he bought it so he was talking it .. since me he's been married twice. Lucky escape I think.

Spent the last 4 years of our marriage, bar the 7 days I was in hospital, raping me, and sexually and physically abusing me.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

Mine left me (I threw him out) but insisted on having half the furniture (and sheets), even though I was staying in the home (temporarily) with our four year old and he was moving into his girlfriend's fully furnished place.

I'd just like to say that her nose was the biggest I've ever seen. Remembered that just now.

My ex insisted on renting a very expensive flat during lockdown in a different city away from us. Just in case work wanted him in pronto apparently. But he was actually shacked up with a 24 year old during this time. He was 45. And at the same time, I was looking after his recently widowed father in our family home. Regularly screamed at me down the phone that he didn't want to speak to me for two weeks. Only the kids.

Booked a holiday abroad with his next gf. Spending family money that was scarce. Told everyone apart from me he was going to marry this gf.

Screamed in my face for three hours and eventually when I retaliated with some choice language, he grabbed me by the head, brought me to the ground and twisted my head until I saw black and couldn't breathe.

Squandered £675k from the sale of our mortgage free house. The money has vanished. We are in financial jeopardy.

He still can't understand why my family hates him and members of his own family loathe him. He still wanted to come back and continue the marriage. 🙄

He claims nervous breakdowns regularly now. Twat.

I worked about 20 miles away from home, in my former home town. Got a call at work from my mother at about 9am to say my father had died.

Went over to Mums, saw Dad then went to the undertakers.

Got home mid afternoon to find my then wife shrieking that I hadnt gone to collect her and take her back to my mothers. Bear in mind that we had only been together for about 2 years and she had only met my father once due to his ill health and her wanting to separate me from my family.

A few years later

Signed the divorce paperwork saying she had no intention to remarry or cohabit and then moved her new man in.

Wrecked her divorce settlement and made it very clear to all and sundry why I might have left her.

About two years later my then GF rang me one evening in shock saying 'you said your ex was a bit nuts she's b*y mental' Che had had some floor fitting done by a fitter who lived in the village the ex and I lived in and that she remained in with the new man. It turned out she had beaten him up in the street.

She hasnt managed to maintain a relationship since.........

If anyone wants to arrange a date for her with their ex/soon to be ex ............

He walked off and went back to the hotel in a strop, leaving me alone in a nightclub in St. Petersburg, to walk back to the hotel late at night alone. I was terrified.

After we split up he actually claimed he needed to have sole custody of our DD because he had been offered a secret service job and the deal was that they would provide specialised protective childcare while he worked and I would be allowed to see her once every three weeks. He said this to his parents even.

So sorry you didn't have that friend at the time.
And well done for realising you are the one ally you will always be able to trust 💙

Is he delusional by any chance?

You are free and amazing for having survived this.

Yeah, was later diagnosed with paranoid delusional disorder and spent several stints in the psych ward. But it wasn't always delusions, sometimes it was just lies he thought he might get away with, and it was hard to tell which was which. Though not in this particular case.

I phoned him from a police station explaining I’d just been sexually assaulted and would he come get me as I wasn’t feeling very safe
to get home. He said no he was on the way to work and didn’t want to come back so he’d see me later. The police kindly walked me home and made me a cup of tea when ex stomped into the house angrily saying I’m here what do you want. The policeman helped him pack his bag.

I’d love to say it ended with me marrying the very handsome policeman and we lived happily ever after but it didn’t.

OP wrote that one parent only does their own laundry, and leaves everyone else's to the other parent, and only tends to their own needs. The HUGE crime. Is this not every single heterosexual relationship in the world? OP either is a woman who has a wife who is the "husband" in the relationship, or is simply highlighting that it's "not fair" if a women does this to a man, when pretty much every man on earth does it to the woman. I'm guessing the latter.

It's selfish behaviour that shouldn't be tolerated.

My ex was horrendously abusive and still to this day says I'm the problem.

If I had a meeting at work the next day and had washed my hair he used to tip a pint or bucket of water over my head in the middle of the night, to make me tired and so I had to shower again, change the bed etc.

He used to regularly drag me in to the garden naked and lock me out there for hours begging to let me back in.

Punched me in the head so hard he broke his hand

Spat in my face multiple times

I work in a senior sales role and earn more than him but he used to tell everyone I worked in admin and taunt me that I was just admin cos he went to university and I didn't.

Made me do two DNA tests on our child as he didn't believe it was his (never cheated)

At the time I never really appreciated how bad it was, its only when I look back now and talk to my current partner about it that I realise I was in an extremely abusive relationship

Mine seem tame by comparison:

1. msg the woman he cheated with while our 6 Yr old played with lego in front of him
2. blamed his MH for cheating
3. blamed the OW - she took advantage of him when he was vulnerable
4. I left him & refuse to forgive him because of my trauma from my parents splitting when I was 9
5. driving down a country lane, I questioned the route we were taking, told me it was okay, he wasn't taking me somewhere secluded to kill me and dump my body (we were alone in the car together)
6. told me my life, DS's life was going to be worse if we left him
7. told me I'd been waiting 10-15 yes for him to pull a stunt like this so I'd have an excuse to leave
8. told me if we left he'd have nothing and no one - me and DD were his life
9. I was a cliche for leaving while he was out of the country before I had a complete breakdown
10. there's no forgiveness in me for the 1 mistake he made in 26 years
11. I'm throwing our marriage away
12. I'm punishing him by moving to be with family because I need support
13. it's okay for me, I have family to lean on and he doesn't (he does have family)
14. his therapist has told him the only way to get through his MH issues is with the love and support of his wife and child
15. he's not in a good place, going to the gym 3 times a day and running 20km just to escape the pain of us leaving....

The list could go on but I feel that's enough to give you the picture 😂

If you were doing the cooking and the cleaning, would she have anything for herself to do? I'm assuming you are making the point that when you did chores, you did them for everyone, whereas when she did chores, she did for herself only. If it was like this from the start, then she's odd and blind to how things should go, if this developed over time, I'd say that it was a sign of her checking out as already had an affair partner, or because she was bitter over having done more in the past and making a point of it.