Things you actually can’t believe your (ex) partner did…

[Evian43]

I know some people have real horrible relationships but on the lesser side of horrible, here are some things that I can’t believe now looking back my ex wife did regularly-

• only washed her own clothes. Didn’t wash the children’s or mine with hers (but then didnt do a separate wash even if the kids clothes)
• clean her side of the bedroom only. Said she didn’t think to clean the other side as it’s ‘my’ side
• stop at the shop on the way home and get herself a few nice treats. Didn’t get me or kids anything or ask if we needed anything for the house/family

The thing is, it never starts out that way does it? It's all love and romance and insidiously, all this crap creeps in bit by bit. If it was a deluge, we'd all clear off sooner. So it's drip fed.

I'm so sorry, these are horrific. Hope you're away and doing better now

I’m confused why people are pointing that out. I literally said I know some people are in really horrible situations and was making a post about the less horrible things that you still can’t believe you accepted.

oh and I am a woman. I forgot I need to make that abundantly clear because apparently on this site only men can have ex wives 🙄

It was the belittling saying no one would want me with kids and I was a fat bitch daily

then the knocking into me apparently accidental then the slaps in play.
he timed me daily going to the shops
he timed me visiting friends had to give a time when I was coming back
my own mother backed him when I left as he wouldn’t do that well he bloody well did you fucking cunt

we left with the clothes on our backs and I went to the woman aid and had to move twice cos of my own mother. She got a warning from the police.

ex boyfriend thank fuck I didn’t marry him because I’d be only getting divorced now as he’d block it all the way

In a relationship now but over the years he’s wore me down, it’s only taken 15 year and I don’t really like him anymore to be honest. It’s the shouting and aggressiveness which is getting worse now as he ages into the stereotypical old grumpy man.

I do indeed @Devilsmommy

I also would want to only do my own washing if I lived with someone. I'd do children's if they're at an age to not be able to do their own. I don't see why you have to wash your man's socks.

You can be rest assured all
will not be well in that relationship either. They don’t change - honestly they don’t.

Wow there are some real catches on this thread.....

Nothing I haven't posted before (I think), but anyhow:

Pretty much taught my three year old DC1 that they could run to him as soon as he got home and 'tell' on me - and I would get shouted at if I'd told DC off. (Thank god the said DC has seen the light and we have a really good relationship - they are now an adult.)
Had an affair with the au pair (yes it's a cliché).
Sat on the driveway after getting home for up to forty minutes, on the phone to the no doubt affair partner who he now lives with.
Went and 'got his hair cut' on a town an hour away and spent all day there, taking the DC as cover for the affair mentioned above.
Left me feeling I had no choice but to terminate a pregnancy when our marriage was in shreds - he made it clear that it couldn't happen and when we were at the hospital would not advocate for him to be with me, although I desperately needed him to. He then proceeded to tell me what a lovely conversation he'd had with a couple in the waiting room on our way home while I was in pieces.
After the termination I had a huge reaction to the precautionary antibiotics and thought I was dying - he did nothing all day until I asked him to call an ambulance in the afternoon - the only time I've ever genuinely thought I was going to die.
I could go on......
Yes, I was totally stupid but thought he loved me as much as I loved him.
I've seen the light but am still scared of making men angry with me.

Given that Mumsnet is 95% female (I don't know where I got that statistic from, but I'm going with it), there are almost certainly more lesbians on here than men. And yet it never seems to occur to some posters!

Anyway, my ex used to be too tired to do her washing up/wash her clothes/tidy her room (living in a shared house at the time) due to self-diagnosed ME/CFS, meaning I would fall over myself to do those things for her. However, she always managed to find the energy to go clubbing or to house parties.

Did you expect her to pick up after you? Do your laundry, tidy your half of the room, buy snacks for everyone on her way home from work? Did you do that for her? If you’re a grown adult I’d expect you to be able to do your own tidying and laundry unless she’s a SAHM, but you did say she worked?

My ex used to fabricate a row every three or four weeks so he could storm out for the weekend on a drug/booze fuelled bender and then give me the silent treatment if I dared challenge home.

I do this too. How is it selfish? I'm still washing everyone's clothes, just separately.

I expected her to do ‘house chores’ rather than just personal chores yes which is generally how families work. Also to think about what the family might need in terms of groceries and washing done when she was doing those things for herself.

we both worked full time but I did everything for myself, the children and the house- the shopping, cooking and cleaning, when she did any cleaning, shopping etc it was just for herself and not for the family.
we weren’t roommates so yes I expected those things to be done despite me being a ‘grown adult’

do you expect your partner to help or are you happy for them just to only do things for themselves.

mumsnet honestly, there’s none as queer as folk

He had a few million?

She didn’t wash anyone’s clothes apart from
her own. I didn’t mind her washing her own stuff separately but she didn’t then put one a wash for our 3 children. As I wrote in my original post

Slashed all the tyres
Made false rape claim
Spray painted gate with offensive graffiti
After DM had heart attack derisively asked me how "my heart attack mom was doing "

Left me stranded at the side of a road after I called him to say I’d been in a car accident.

Went into hospital for a major op, he went to work.

Cancelled family plans because he was orphaned so didn’t think we should see mine either.

Said he’d trade me in for a younger model and then… met a 24 year old (I was 32 at the time)

Spent the first 6 months after our separation telling me how great his younger woman was.

Thought having a wife meant an automatic entitlement to sex.

Forgot my birthday most years. It’s on Christmas Eve. Fairly memorable.

Routinely said hurtful things and then a) asked why I was upset, or b) said it “wasn’t about” how I felt.

Messages me around key days in our relationship, still. We separated 3 years ago.

Gross 🤢.

Told me he was heading to a job and would be away for a few days but got caught out when his car engine exploded and had to call me to get AA assistance and had to tell me what road he was on!

No l got a payout of a few million.

When I was just pregnant with my 2nd, my Exbf asked me to tell him the worst things my mentally ill ExH had done when I was pregnant and post partum with my 1st.

He replicated them once I'd had his child.

Well she sounds absolutely self-obsessed, inconsiderate and useless! You’re well out of that.

Some of the other stories here are just breathtakingly awful. Well done everyone for getting out.

@Tracystubbs I am so sorry, that is all just horrific. 😓

As always, I am horrified by the number of women disclosing rape and battery by their ex-husbands. You all deserve better.

Please leave him and be on your own, you’ll be so much happier, you deserve peace x

Thanks, yes. I stayed 2 years because I thought if I tried harder he would love me and it was all my fault. He left me for an 18 year old and my rebound relationship was with now DH who is the kindest most supportive man ever. 24 years with DH now of complete happiness. I'll never forget one morning, DH (who did not know the jaffa cake story) bought me some jaffa cakes. I looked at him with complete horror and asked him why he had done that. I started shaking. He looked confused and said ; 'um.... because I thought you might like them?'. I burst into tears. Still could not eat them though. But that was when I realised things were very very different. I've been lucky, and happy.

I hope everyone on the thread also is happier now.

Omg! Did you cut your mum off?