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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Things you actually can’t believe your (ex) partner did…

116 replies

Evian43 · 16/12/2024 11:01

I know some people have real horrible relationships but on the lesser side of horrible, here are some things that I can’t believe now looking back my ex wife did regularly-

  • only washed her own clothes. Didn’t wash the children’s or mine with hers (but then didnt do a separate wash even if the kids clothes)
  • clean her side of the bedroom only. Said she didn’t think to clean the other side as it’s ‘my’ side
  • stop at the shop on the way home and get herself a few nice treats. Didn’t get me or kids anything or ask if we needed anything for the house/family
OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 17/12/2024 08:56

@DearDeadrie i take it as well as an ex partner, you also have an ex mother????

weststreet · 17/12/2024 11:57

Told me he fell out of love with me due to my cancer treatments changing me temporarily, for him to be having an affair with a 19 year old (pregnant!!!!) junior at work. The baby is not his, I know that.

Told me I needed mental help urgently because I started recording him when he would abuse me, telling me that I made him like this.

Broke up with me, said to me he needed to have sex as his balls hurt because I had made him celibate. He said if I had sex with him he would be back with me. I did (I was 18..) and as soon as be nut he told me he made a terrible mistake.

Told a work colleague that 'he could provide a pole for her to slide down.' If she wanted. She declined.

Fingered his affair woman in the disabled toilet at work, while I was fighting for my life in ICU in heart failure.

Left me at home miscarrying, also had an abscess on my infected wisdom tooth, and dealing with a 2 year old. I was quite literally writhing around in pain, he went out and got drunk. And didn't come home.

I had a seizure, I was home alone with our toddler. He thought I was faking it and carried on getting drunk in town. Ambulance turned up as I called them, he then turned up with his tail between his legs. Paramedics reported him to SS and that's when I made my plan to leave.

He left me in hospital to go and meet OW, with our daughter in tow.

Sponged off me financially, wracked up debts which ended up with bailiffs at my door.

Self announced that he had EUPD and he is getting help and we would end up bag together.

Sexually assaulted me, and also recorded me during sex without my consent.

I'll leave that there, I am stronger, happier, financially free and healthy with my little girl.

It's a rough world out there, I will never let a man back into my life like that ever again.

StopStartStop · 17/12/2024 12:07

Had sex with my mum
I thought that was bad until I read threw me under a bus and made a fourteen year old pregnant.
As I've often said on MN, my ex h tried to kill me. He also tried to properly gaslight me, as in the film. One of the most unnerving things was that he told people lies about me - made out I was different than I am. So people who knew him would address me by a nickname I knew nothing about (he made it up for the imaginary wife he told them about) and expected me to be very jokey and up for sexual talk (at least) with them. He was fucking weird and now he's dead (of natural causes) so I don't think of him very often. Ooh, I'd forgotten. I think he had it off with my sister in law. He certainly wanted to.

Crikeyalmighty · 17/12/2024 12:15

@weststreet ooh he sounds classy! You dodged a bullet there -I'm so sorry you went through that

withoutapaddl · 17/12/2024 12:16

Told me he got drunk and passed out in a hedge but he'd actually been at a drug fuelled giant orgy and got scratched to pieces in some sort of BDSM act so badly that he had to wear long sleeved tops for over two years to hide the scarring.......

And I actually believed he'd fallen in a hedge and got scratched 😂 it makes me laugh now.

unstableunicorn · 17/12/2024 12:56

Lots of weight things - told me to go to the gym when it would've been physically dangerous due to health conditions, wanted to only be intimate in lighting/ positions that would make me look slimmer, said to lose enough weight to be the same size as my best friend etc etc. Worst was maybe when he said he's just saying what any man would think and any man who would say he's fine with my weight and wouldn't want me skinnier was a liar who just wanted to sleep with me (I was a size 12-14 due to large boobs but not huge at all, very fit and physically active)

Offered to pay for things because at the time he was well off and I wasn't, then after we broke up asked me to pay him back for anything he spent on me

Fetishised brown women but then said I'd have to give up my culture and be functionally white to make it work long term (straw that broke the camels back)

Joined an extremist right wing book club

SilverBlueRabbit · 17/12/2024 13:19

That sounds very very familiar to me @unstableunicorn . He's not a conspiracy-theorist anti-semitic dentist is he? (Hoping there are not two out there).

HollyBaubles77 · 17/12/2024 13:31

Went on a stag do to Prague - should have known them. Phoned me on said trip to tell me one of his friends had bitten him on the chest. Made this huge deal out of him. I was at home with a child and toddler so as he didn’t seem overly hurt, I just thought oh well. Came home with this huge bite on just chest. Continued with story by this time I was bored of hearing it as my too trusting and sleep deprived brain couldn’t work properly obviously. Fast forward, he had been cheating on me pretty constantly and left after an affair with another married women. And know when I look back I feel like a very big big fool! Children and I are happy though in our peaceful non lying home!

Ivegotaboneinmyleg · 17/12/2024 13:37

I can't read this whole thread as it is killing my faith in humanity...🙁

didistutter56 · 17/12/2024 13:39

Aaah, where to begin.

Lied about drug use for over a year.
Accused me of cheating, spat in my face and encouraged our DD to call me a “whore”.
Actually cheated and left the family home to move into university halls with a girl 8 years younger (the one he told me not to worry about).
Late to the hospital by almost 4 hours the day after DD was born because he had his friend round playing games the night before.
Expected me to pay 50/50 when DD was born when I was self employed with no childcare, and he refused to get up earlier before work (worked shifts sometimes starting at 2) to look after DD so I could work.
Punched me in the face whilst holding DD.
Held me up against the wall by my neck and slammed my head into shelves so hard they broke off the wall.

As well as all the other financial, emotional and mental abuse. Delightful fella!

FamilyPhoto · 17/12/2024 13:50

Oof, some hilights -
Love bombed me into moving in with him then expected me to pay for EVERYTHING, rent, food, all bills.

Became violent- always apologetic, crying ect.

Gave the money for my Xmas present to his friend to buy his girlfriend's present then was arsey that I was upset.

Final straw - I was on a run of 7 12 hour nightshifts, covering Easter. His work closed down for that week. I only took the extra nights ( usually worked 4) because he promised that he would let me sleep.
He stopped me sleeping every day . Would find things that I needed to do, or practice his guitar, started painting the bedroom and put a load of stuff on the sofa that couldn't be moved ect.
As I said before he had been violent so I didn't react for fear of provoking him.
On day 6 he gave up all pretence and just started screaming and shouting at me because I fell asleep sitting at the kitchen table.
What he didnt know was that one of our neighbours was good friends with my boss at work. She told her about the shouting - boss had apparently been worried about me for a while. I arrived at work that night in a right state and found that boss had covered my shift and drove me to my parents who lived in another city. I never went back to him.
Arsehole was thenn telling people that I'd left him because he wanted to spend time with me after work !

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 17/12/2024 13:51

DearDeadrie · 16/12/2024 17:23

Had sex with my mum
Left me 9 months pregnant to go on a 3 week drinking binge
Got drunk with baby and got arrested while i was seriously ill in hospital
Pushed me into a wall while i was holding my baby
Stole all of my secret savings that i was going to use to get away from him
Their are loads more but i don't dwell on it as I'm now very happy.

😳

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 17/12/2024 13:52

I don’t tidy my OHs side of the bed!! Opppss!

BobbyBiscuits · 17/12/2024 13:58

This one guy, he was more a FW'B' the B being extremely limited due to his lack of sexual prowess. But the one thing I thought was so hilarious, so bizarre, I could hardly believe it.

Me him and another friend went on holiday to a European city, it was a laugh, with some dramas, but I took loads of photos. It was when you had to get them developed. So I was looking forward to seeing these pics.

This guy was a bit funny about it. Seemingly getting awkward about looking at the photos. I thought not much of it,
Until a few hours later I returned, got the photos out again, and realised this guy had used a biro to colour in the top of his head. In Each picture, where his bald patches were showing?!

A biro. It was so obvious I nearly cried with embarrassment on his behalf! 🤣🤣

Dogsnknitting · 17/12/2024 14:41

Repeatedly talking to me about a new really interesting colleague. Got overly interested in keeping up with younger colleagues, trying to fit in with what they were wearing, look younger etc. When pulled up on it said I was imagining things.

Few days later he dumped me.

You guessed the rest! Story as old as time.

It’s not horrific but it’s so fucking cliche that part of me wishes he’d been a bit more imaginative.

Elphamouche · 17/12/2024 16:50

Mine tried to kill someone - thankfully not me, and thankfully they were okay. Can’t go into the rest of his batshittery as it’s outing. But fuck me he was a controlling, manipulative cunt.

The previous ex, was a waste of space but in a different way 😂. The best one was buying 2 bottles of water for £1 and refusing to give me one until I’d paid him 50p. We were not compatible. He had absolutely NO get up and go. So I got up and fucked off.

Boomer55 · 17/12/2024 16:53

She sounds a nightmare. Good that you’re out of it. 👍

H112 · 18/12/2024 00:28

Hid drug addiction for entire two year relationship

Upupandaway10 · 18/12/2024 00:47

DearDeadrie · 16/12/2024 17:23

Had sex with my mum
Left me 9 months pregnant to go on a 3 week drinking binge
Got drunk with baby and got arrested while i was seriously ill in hospital
Pushed me into a wall while i was holding my baby
Stole all of my secret savings that i was going to use to get away from him
Their are loads more but i don't dwell on it as I'm now very happy.

Sex with your mum!! What a pair of shits!

Unhappyandsad · 18/12/2024 00:49

Upupandaway10 · 18/12/2024 00:47

Sex with your mum!! What a pair of shits!

I’m absolutely speechless x

unstableunicorn · 18/12/2024 10:13

SilverBlueRabbit · 17/12/2024 13:19

That sounds very very familiar to me @unstableunicorn . He's not a conspiracy-theorist anti-semitic dentist is he? (Hoping there are not two out there).

Haha no he's deffo not a conspiracy theorist, used to pride himself on being very logical (which means I was the 'over emotional woman' a lot of the time obviously) but he probably was antisemitic, shocker was we had been best friends for years before we dated but suddenly it was like dating a completely different person to the one I knew!

ChessorBuckaroo · 18/12/2024 10:39

Ivegotaboneinmyleg · 17/12/2024 13:37

I can't read this whole thread as it is killing my faith in humanity...🙁

The mum who had sex with her daughter's fella stopped me in my tracks.

Grim doesn't do it justice.

Tillybud81 · 18/12/2024 17:35

ChessorBuckaroo · 18/12/2024 10:39

The mum who had sex with her daughter's fella stopped me in my tracks.

Grim doesn't do it justice.

This unfortunately didn't surprise me

A freind of mine was in a bad accident with her then boyfriend, whilst she was very ill in hospital her mum and boyfriend started sleeping together (he wasn't too badly injured). They're still together now. Safe to say she doesn't talk to her mum

Seas164 · 18/12/2024 17:39

How many women would list "only washed his own clothes, not mine or the kids, and didn't even do a seperate wash for the kids clothes" as an unforgiveable trait of their ex husband?

notagypsy · 18/12/2024 17:58

Had our first baby in January and on Mother’s Day in March got nothing, it wasn’t even mentioned!
On my 40th nothing was planned so I booked and paid for a lodge for my family to come to. He had got me a necklace but forgot wrapping paper so my necklace was handed to me wrapped in a face cloth from the bathroom 🙈😂 also no bday card!
Other reasons he’s an Ex but these still come to mind at times!

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