Advice please

[Geordieman]

Hi. First time I have reached out for advice.
im male 50 years old and have been with the same partner my whole life. Married for 25 years and two grown up children.
Anyway about 20 years ago I was contacted by a old family friend (my parents were good friends with her parents) and asked if I could do some electrical work at her house (im a electrician). Even thought I was quite busy with my own house/family, I knew it wouldn’t take me long (less than half a hour) so I agreed to help, a short while passed and I was asked to do a further job, and another and another. I didn’t want to say no but I saw it as an opportunity to introduce my wife to her so my wife came with me. All was well and I even thought they may become friends.
till then next time I was asked to do a small job. My wife was insistent I didn’t do it, even refusing to come with me. I was torn between obligation and not wanting to upset my wife.
I didnt understand or comprehend why my wife didn’t want me to help, so I did a couple of more tasks, even taking our son with me. I did jobs over about six years, not regularly or anything, about 10 jobs over a six year period.
I haven’t been asked to do anything for about 12 years now and the only contact has been a ‘happy birthday’ on Facebook.
my wife believes I was having a affair ! And our marage is falling apart !
at no time did it even cross my mind to be in anyway unfaithful. Nothing I can say will convince my wife nothing was going on. She can’t under why I would do jobs free of charge, yet I’ve helped loads of people for free over the years.
I like to help people if I can. That’s my nature but perhaps I was too eager to please, I don’t know.
All I know is my one and only, is hurt and pussing me away for something she ‘thinks’happened. Any help appreciated.

Started making plans,putting ducks in order so the speak.
approached estate agents for valuation and was told I can’t sell or even market the house without her consent. She went mad because it was a female agent whine I spoke to. I’ve
spoke to a solicitor and have been told a court order is the only was forward unless she consents. This is a time consuming and costly process so will be discussing things with her when she’s discharged from hospital.
doesn’t seem right to be putting this onto her atm (given her health)
she’s still adamant on me undertaking a polygraph test, a demand I’ve refused as although I’ve nothing to hide, it won’t convince her anyway and the goalposts will just be moved again.
I’ve taken the opportunity to move my clothes and medication so that I can ‘escape’ at a moments notice.
i even had to leave the hospital whilst visiting as she started shouting and swearing about the polygraph. Kept away for a couple of days till she pleaded with me to take things in for her. It’s the ‘pull’ stage at the moment because she needs me, won’t last long though. I’m beginning to recognise the patterns of behaviour and the emotional control used against me.
I also realise that unless she takes accountability and does major work on herself, I HAVE to leave her ! Not because I want to but because I HAVE to!
I think this is inevitable, so the ducks are nearly in order.
I just wanted to give an update for anyone who’s interested.

I would save yourself time and bother and apply for a court order now.

She wont give her consent.

Tough shit if she's in hospital. Dont feel sorry for her.

Op have you read other threads on here written by those leaving abusive relationships? That would be my advice. I found it incredibly helpful and inspiring when I was in that situation a few years ago.

she may up the anti and things may get worse as you try to leave . Take strength from all those who have been before you .

good luck. You have peace ahead of you if you make sensible choices and leave. If you stay you will just have more of the same. Forever.