Partners 50th birthday am I being childish?

[Mystical1981]

I have been with my partner for 9 years now it was my 40th a few months ago I had been saying for a good year before my birthday that I really wanted to go away for my 40th to holland for a few days or a weekend. I kept hinting a year before my birthday because I knew he would proberbly need time to save up or plan it etc. His passport had expired so he needed to get that done aswell. The nearer it got to my birthday I noticed he still hadn't done his passport so a few weeks before my birthday I realised I wasn't going to Holland but I thought that's ok he maybe has other plans like a show or a nice meal out somewhere or even to London for the day he knew I loved that but nope my birthday came and he didn't take the day off work so I knew we weren't going out for the day. Mum mum and dad called me to see what I was doing and if I wanted to go out for dinner so I asked my partner do you have any plans because my mum and dad have asked if I want to go for dinner tonight he said no no plans but he said can we all go tomorrow night instead because I've got my daughter tonight! I said no!! My birthday is today not tomorrow and you should of changed the day with your daughter as she can come to stay any night. So he said ok we can go to dinner with your mum and dad. I felt so sad we went to the carvery my mum brought me a cake he didn't even get me a cake he ate quick and rushed off home as he was having his daughter. He gave me £100 in a card which is what he usually gives me for birthday or Christmas. My mum and dad came with a bag of presents for me, a cake they made me feel special. The next few months kept seeing my friends turning 40 and seeing them having a party or going away and it really upset me. My partner is lovely he would do anything for me he helps me around my house and is always there for me. So it's his 50th next year and he keeps saying what shall we do for my 50th I said 'a meal' he said I'm not going for a meal on my 50th I wanna go away somewhere have a look and see what you can book.
I'm actually fuming! But am I being childish? I put alot of effort in for all his birthdays and Christmas every year so I feel like I want to take him away but a part of me is saying no don't do it.
Just to add thag whenever we go away anywhere it's always me that suggests it and books it and pays for it. He never suggests anything or books anything so maybe he has become lazy minded and as I always book things maybe he thought I was going to book something for my own birthday? I haven't said anything to him as I don't want to sound hard work or high maintenance etc.

You deserve more than a last minute card OP, you really do. Have a good think about what his actions were saying. Not everyone is great at organising but he hadn't even tried. I really hope you go to Holland and have a fantastic time.

Do not book anything or do anything special. If you do you are reinforcing the message that he is more important than you and deserves more.

He is being very direct in his request. You should also be direct. Unfortunately the moment has passed for your 40th, but you should say:

"I wanted to do something special for my big birthday and dropped lots of hints. You treated it like any other mildly special day. Can you not see why I don't want to go out of my way for you this year?'

Also, why are you booking and paying for all the holidays anyway? What does he plan and pay for?

Communicate how you feel. Otherwise you seethe under the surface and he has no clue. Some people just don’t have it in them to organise anything and it’s just sh*te

Tell him to start saving and planning and book somthing . Nothing will change if you just keep doing loads for him and not expressing how disappointed you are

Have you told him how upset you are about your birthday and his lack of effort? He could have made up (in a way) for it by now and there wouldn't be any issues with his 50th. Obviously not condoning him not bothering first time round, but this feels a bit tit for tat now and that's when the resentment and rot set in.

@Spaceid Exec manager in a global company managing a budget of millions and a very large team.

He would say it's because I am fussy, but he's never organised one thing in two decades. I'm used to it now.

"My partner is lovely he would do anything for me"

Clearly not. Tell him that on his 50th you're going to treat him to things in exactly the way he did for you on your 40th.

'What I will be doing for your 50th birthday is sticking £100 in a card and saying let's go out for a meal the day after your birthday because I'm busy tonight '

You're not being childish, most people would feel the same. What strikes me is you feeling like you couldn't talk openly about what you wanted at the time. I'm not suggesting being kind of rude and saying "I want you to pay for a trip abroad" (even if that's what you want lol) but more like "Shall we go to Amsterdam for my birthday next year?" and you pay your half for flights and the hotel but hope he does make an effort on your actual birthday there paying for dinner, getting drinks and a wrapped up present.
Without meeting him it's hard to know what he's like as a kind relative of mine got grilled by his wife a bit about birthday gifts being unthought about but since she's done that he does make much more effort.
The way you say you've paid for trips away for him gives me red flags. You sound like you have anxious attachment style walking on eggshells around his unfair actions and you are making excuses for him. You can let someone know what you want and need without it turning into a confrontation as long as he is a reasonable person. If you can't I think you may be being being gas lit.

This.

Tell him what you have told us here.

Remind him how much effort you put in to arrange social things and holidays. Ask why he doesn't put in the same effort.

I'd screenshot him this post and show him tbh - or say let's do what we did for my 40th - your parents can take us out I'll give you cash and then rush back

Well done

Sorry I didn't put in there that I did say to him I wanted to go to Holland for my birthday I said it a year before as we were having a conversation about my birthday. I then kept hinting after that as i saw he hadn't done his passport

He's doing the bare minimum, and it's not good enough
Why don't you think you deserve more?