Is ignoring the best option with this man?

[Laureolaaa]

I've been getting some unwanted attention from a friend of a friend. I've made it very clear to him that I am in a relationship and not interested. I tried to block him but he found a way to contact me and was crying on voice notes saying he just wanted to be my friend and that was very cruel for blocking him.

I tried to keep the conversation friendly but he kept crossing the line into sex talk or romantic talk. I started ignoring him instead, just not replying to any messages at all. I've been leaving his messages either unread or on read. I had to change my profile photo the other day and he immediately sent me a voice note saying how much he loved my photo and he was thinking about me a lot, all very affectionate. He said he'd have to forgive him if he decided to message me more 'in the run up to the big days' 🙄

Should I just keep ignoring and hoping he will get the message and move on? (It's been a couple of months already since I started ignoring him). Or shall I send a message reinforcing that I'm not interested / ask him to stop messaging me ?

I'm not interested in being friends with him but Blocking him is not an option because of how strongly he reacted last time and he is a friend of a friend. I know he will try and contact me via other means, or via our shared contacts, and he'll be almost hysterical, and I really really really don't want to deal with that.

Please don't just reply and say I should block as it's not an option. I'd like to know if you would continue to ignore him, or whether you'd say something, and if so, what?

Of course blocking him is an option. Why are you worrying about his feelings? He certainly isn't worrying about yours, is he?

If your friend asks why you blocked him, tell your friend he was harassing you.

This guys is bad news. Don't fall for his manipulation. Just block him.

I know you say blocking isn't an option but honestly you should examine why you don't think you shouldn't be able to enforce those boundaries. Because you absolutely have the right to. You've told him his attentions are unwelcome and he's still carried on. His hysteria isn't your problem and his behaviour is bordering on stalkerish.

That said if you are really reluctant to do it, would you partner step in? What does he/she think about it?

Blocking him should be an option. I don't understand why you are putting his supposed feelings above yours. The man is unhinged. I would send one message telling him to stop contacting you as it's harassment. Any more and you will contact the police. And please consider blocking him.

You tell him in no uncertain terms not to contact you again, ever.
And if he does contact you again via any means, you'll consider it harassment and you'll report him to the police.

You then tell your friend of a friend, and anyone else who will listen, what this creep has been doing.

Life lesson
Never, EVER, worry about upsetting those who aren't worried about upsetting you.

You need to stop this creep now, before it gets worse. If you have a partner, they need to know everything as well.

Blocking him is the only option imo. Hes harassing you, why care if he gets list at being blocked. Your feelings are more important this this creep.

Block otherwise this drama will continues

Send him a message saying you want him to stop contacting you. Screen shot it showing it delivered. Block him. Any further contact and go to the police. Not kidding here. This could escalate.

I would send one clear text message saying to stop contacting you or you will report him to the policw for harassment.

Then just block him. This 100% IS an option.

Tell your mutual friend he’s harassing you, sending unwanted messages and has repeatedly crossed the line. If they are a real friend they will understand and support your decision.

Wow, this guy is stepping way over the line. I think he's already a stalker, not just on the pathway. Block him after sending the message never to contact you again and tell your friend under no circs to assist him contacting you.

I'd block him.

I don't believe in it as an automatic step after turning someone down or ending a fling as often suggested but you've been clear and he's sending inappropriate messages. Get him blocked. You could send a 'please don't contact me again. I don't want to hear any more from you' then block. Then there's a recent and clear line if you feel the police need informing (any more sex talk or he gets nasty)

You said you've made it clear you're not interested, but how did you do that? What did you say? 'keeping the conversation friendly' is encouragement to someone like him so, as others have said, the only option is to block him. Don't engage in any way.

Of course you block him.
What other means does he find to contact you on? Block them too!

Absolute this.
He sounds unhinged.
Don't ignore this.
Crying?
This is not normal behaviour.
Take it very seriously.
Screen shot everthing and forward those voice messages so you have them.

Tell him to stop contracting you or you’ll call the police. Tell your mutual friend what is going on.

He's going to message you more in the run up to the 'big days' ?

What does this mean - what is he talking about?

Christmas and New Year!

It sounds as though ypu feel you have to manage tgis on your own, but you don't! It only suits him to have this one-on-one communication with you, in which he's harassing you and it seems as though no-one else can see what he's doing. Don't be ashamed to complain to others about his unwelome and demanding behaviour! What's the "friend of a friend" going to do: demand you "give him a fair hearing"? If so, they can both get stuffed.

If you let it all come out into the open, other people will have to restrain him (or he'll have to stop this, because he won't want to look unhinged in front of other people. Being unhinged is only to frighten you.)

Definitely block and tell your mutual friend. They need to have a word with him.

Does your partner know of this behaviour? Could it lead to trust issues if they find the messages? Would they get on the phone and tell them to back off.
Unfortunately some men only respond to knowing a woman is 'not claimable' by hearing it from the 'claimer' she is 'claimed' just not wearing a ring yet to show her 'claimed status'.

You need to assert yourself OP and block them.
If they contact you in a different way tell them this is now turning to harassment.
It shouldn't cause an issue with you and your friend. I love seeing and spending time with some of my friends friends at get togethers, and there are some who I am glad I only see every few years at big birthdays ect. It's fine I feel that way (there is a good chance some of those people feel the same way about me) so long as we are all polite when together, which as respectful adults we are.
This person is showing no respect for you or your boundaries.

We don't have to like everyone and it's okay to put your feelings first.
Why should him being happy trump you being comfortable?
Good Luck @Laureolaaa you can be strong block and ignore.

If he rings crying again. I'd be inclined to message the below.
I find your constant messages and manipulative emotional blackmail, tedious I will continue to block and ignore you going forward. Do not contact me again you a Greg's friend not mine.

And tell Greg if he asks why.

Come on OP, of course you can block him.

His feelings are not your problem. You’ve had lots of good advice above about a clear message to leave you alone and then block on all channels.

By not blocking you are basically saying you are open to conversation and by being friendly you are encouraging him which isn’t fair.

Do yourself and him a favour and block.

This is stalking op.

From the police website:

Stalking and harassment is when someone repeatedly behaves in a way that makes you feel scared, distressed or threatened.
There are different types of stalking and harassment and anyone can be a victim.
Stalking and harassment are offences under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997.
The four warning signs of stalking
If the behaviour you're experiencing is:
Fixated
Obsessive
Unwanted
Repeated
You can report the crimee or you can contact the National Stalking Helplinee for more advice.

www.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/sh/stalking-harassment/what-is-stalking-harassment/

I'd send him a clear message "You are harassing me and it has to stop. If you contact me again via any means I will go to the police. I have saved screenshots of all messages and saved the voice mails. You will not hear from me again."

Also you must tell the mutual friend and other people. This all seems harmless and annoying until it's dangerous to physical and mental health.

You owe him NOTHING.

It may sound ott but I've been stalked and it should be taken seriously.

Your title asks if ignoring is the best option. Police advice is to never ignore it.

police.charlotte.edu/safety/what-if-i-am-being-stalked/stalking-myths-and-realities/#:~:text=Myth%3A%20“If%20you%20ignore%20stalking,intervene%20to%20stop%20the%20stalking.

Of course blocking him is an option!

Block him, ignore him, make sure your partner and the mutual friend know exactly what he is doing and escalate to the police if necessary

You do not need to be kind nor consider the sensitivities of this man. He is behaving appallingly.

Ohh @UpUpUpU I had not considered that. Personally I'm a non fan of the self induce drama adding to ones life. Definitely more of a shut down or don't engage in crazy.

OP is there something lacking in your relationship that this man is currently feeding to an undertone you are faintly aware of?
If so communicate with your partner or start initiating things yourself.

Still block Greg's friend

Thanks for the comments. I posted about this on MN before and everyone said to block him. So I did, and frankly it led to right old mess and a massive headache for me because he had this incredible meltdown.

I decided to restrategise and do a slow fade which has worked extremely well as there has been very little contact in 2 months while I've been ignoring him, however I am still receiving the odd message now and then which I've not responded to. I'd prefer no contact at all, and I hate the thought that he is thinking about me and I feel uncomfortable receiving his messages.

I'm not going to block him because it will add fuel to the fire and I don't feel comfortable dealing with the fall out from that. It's easy to say 'block' when you're not the ones dealing with it. What I'm wondering is whether to continue to ignore and hope that he just eventually stops getting in touch, or whether I send a clear message asking him to stop contacting me and then follow it up with blocking if he does. That way, it will be his fault for the blocking, and he won't be able to turn it back on me.