I'm currently (8 months total) with a man who is lovely in so many ways. He's interesting with lots of strings to his bow, we can talk for hours and share many interests, he's good looking, good in bed, good with my dd (although she only knows him in a capacity as my 'friend' at the moment and he has been very patient about how I want to play the relationship in terms of my dd), caring - eg helps out in every way when he's at my house and sweet stuff like he always tucks me in if I fall asleep on the sofa, he brings me breakfast and coffee in bed when he stays, he drove a van 3 hours each way to help me pick up an eBay Xmas present for my dd last week. But. He's not very ambitious for himself. He doesn't own a property and all his assets are in investments/cash. He sees life as being for experiences so he will work for a few months in a lucrative contract role then take a few months off to travel or work on his projects, he has lived like this his whole adult life and he is now in his mid 40s. We are from very different backgrounds- me typical middle class with a good degree and traditional career, he from a working class bg and very much 'school of life'. As much as I love him, I feel like for some reason we might not work long term. I value stability, a partner who works a similar schedule to me and has similar goals and concerns. I like a nice house, nice holidays, but he couldn't really care about that stuff. It's painful because the more time I spend with this man, the more I miss my ex who had a very similar educational and professional background to me, he was dd's dad, we did a lot to our shared home and went on some awesome trips and had cool experiences over the years as we began to earn more as a couple. We broke up because I was feeling incredibly unfulfilled because on the flip side, my ex spent all his free time PC gaming and didn't enjoy conversation, wouldn't compromise with me on movies to watch and wasn't interested in what I had to say, kind of let me get on with things (including doing all the domestic load and childcare) but also was an excellent provider with really good earning potential. We also didn't have sex anymore. When we split I had to move to a lower cost of living area and I have missed my old home and my way of life almost every day since, even when things have been good with my new partner. I don't enjoy where I live, I am struggling financially and having survived a dirt poor childhood I deeply regret giving up my stability.
My ex has now asked me to come back and try again. He and dd miss each other as much as he and I miss each other. We were together for many years and compromised on our personality differences for a very comfortable mutually enjoyable life. My family all tell me how love is the answer and being able to connect and converse and share interests is the key to happiness but I have not been happier even having that with the new man, I just feel down about all I have lost. My life with this new man, if it progresses, I worry will be a smaller life. It sounds so harsh nd unfair, especially as the new man is so kind and has no idea ex has contacted me or that I am seriously considering going back to him. He would be absolutely devastated if we split. But for a number of reasons I won't go into, I know this is last chance saloon with my ex and that door is about to close forever. If I could teleport back to my old life right now without hurting the new man, I 100% would. A little voice in my head is telling me I would miss the new man desperately over time and that I would feel lonely and bored back in my old life, but I know there would be good things too.
How do I do this? I am so afraid of making the wrong choice. It really does feel like a choice between laughter/sex/conversation and money/stability. No one has any idea I am facing this dilemma and I feel pretty ashamed. It feels like if I was truly happier without my ex I would have got there by now, we broke up over a year ago. But I am so depressed these days I can barely get out of bed in the mornings. I think of my old home and life all the time and the opportunities there for DD were so much better. it seems like a no brainer... and yet, I will lose something really special.
Any thoughts on this.. I would really appreciate it.