Hi everyone, I would really like your input on a situation, but first here’s some context. I’ve been with someone exclusively (he’s almost 40) for about a year and a half. He said that he really wants a serious relationship and to be with one woman forever, but that EVERY woman he was with cheated on him and left him. For the past few months I’ve noticed a big change - he has been cold, distant, less communicative and extremely secretive. He stopped asking to see me altogether. Prior to this in the summer, his only idea of a “date” was that I drive to him to sit in his house or play tag along to something he already made plans to do without me rather than plan something together.
Any time an issue arises, he falls into a silent treatment which can last for days and will not contact me or initiate any repairs. It always has to be me to initiate repairs. It started getting so toxic that he’s tried to break up with me 3 times during minor arguments when I tried to hold him accountable for things and has been extremely rude. He has denied he’s giving the silent treatment and said he’s just not talking because he “thought we agreed it’s not working” or he “doesn’t want to bother me if I don’t want to talk to him” or accuses me of not being interested in him. This is gaslighting as none of those things were ever said. He also says I’m just “trying to argue” when I bring up an issue to try to resolve something that has happened or that bothers me. He never apologized for anything once.
Lately, he was constantly making plans with male friends but constantly blamed me as to why we don’t see each other when he never asks and is always unavailable. He planned an entire trip for one week overseas behind my back and did not tell me until less than one week before. While he was on the trip, he was online often and did not contact me once. He didn’t want to tell me who he went with (presumably a friend again) or what he even did on the trip. The secrets got so ridiculous that he didn’t even want to tell me he went to a concert when he got home. He’s been making plans without me and keeping me completely in the dark about EVERYTHING. I honestly feel like he’s been living an entire secret life.
I confronted him about the constant secretive behaviour and me being left in the dark about pretty much everything and he completely ignored me/did not respond, withdrew himself and did not contact me at all for 11 days - full on silent treatment. I considered the relationship to be over because he disappeared with no contact. In this time, he’s been non-stop hanging out with his married buddies making videos of themselves and planning for their musical show (which he also didn’t want to tell me about or invite me to). I did not chase him or message him during this silent treatment as enough is enough of the bs. On day 12 it was my birthday and he sent me a message early in the morning wishing me a happy birthday like nothing happened and he didn’t apologize for giving an almost 2 week silent treatment/ghosting me. He has not said anything since.
My question is, should I write him a message to say it’s over, or just don’t contact him ever again and go no contact? I don’t know if anyone has seen something like this before but it’s not normal behaviour to me.