Am I in the wrong?

[Flowerpower456]

Met my husband in 2020. A couple of months before we met I had a couple of Covid friendly outdoor dates with a guy I met on dating app. He was very sweet and got on well but I didn’t feel a romantic spark. Didn’t even so much as exchange a hug on these dates . After 2 dates I said sorry but not feeling it and there was no harm done as he took it well and that was that. We stayed connected on Instagram and occasionally send a msg replying to a story , or wishing each other a happy birthday as we share the same one.
we have daughters the same age and last year I had posted about attending a local Xmas event at our local uni aimed at children of their age range, and he had msged me at the time enquiring about it as he thought his daughter would be interested.
roll forwards to this year and the same event is on again ( a couple of different time slots ) which I had booked for me and my daughter. I sent a msg to him to say oh by the way this is on. He replied and said thanks for letting me know and that he already had booked for him and his daughter to attend which happens to be during the same time slot as me and my daughter. He made a friendly comment about buying me a coffee.
Of course if we bump into each other at the event I fully intend on being polite and would have a chat.
my worry is is this inappropriate as we once went on a couple of dates? If you were my husband would you be cross?
I might be over thinking it but I guess I wanted to hear others thoughts. TIA

Well, you're with someone now so best not meet this guy for coffee.

He meant in the context of a coffee at the uni with our children present

OK then. If that sounds OK to you, then meet him. But I'm sure it wouldn't to your husband.

I didn’t say it did sound ok to me? I was just giving context.

I mean it sounds totally fine to me, you had no spark and you've been casual mates since, you haven't arranged to meet for a coffee but if you bump into him you might have a chat/coffee.

Assuming your dh trusts you I think you're fine. If he doesn't trust you he might make an issue but I still don't think it would be for anything you've actually done wrong.

Yeah I don't think this would bother me personally. If all the messages are just normal chit chat, you've got common interests with your children being the same age etc then it's fine. I'd probably mention it to DP though so you weren't hiding anything but I don't think it's a big issue

You’ll soon know if your husband is ok with this when you tell him that you have messaged this guy about this event, and you’re going to have a coffee with him.

Because there’s no reason not to tell him, is there?

I can’t see the issue.
You didn’t even had a hug, let alone sex. He was never a sexual or romantic interest.
There isn’t much difference between that and a male friend.

Youre meeting up with your dds.
Youre having a coffee.
Unless he or you are suddenly behaving inappropriately, I can’t see why your DP would have an issue.

Waiting for posters to tell you there can be friends between men agd women and it’s totally inappropriate. Never mind the fact you’re there at the same time was just luck.

It sounds totally fine to me but maybe you’re overthinking it because you haven’t mentioned it to DH so it feels like a secret? Can you chat to him or are you worried he’ll be annoyed just by the idea of it?

(Edit: typo)

I guess my concern is mentioning it to my husband as I fear saying that we went on 2 dates gives the impression of there being more to it if that makes sense? When I know the reality was it was 2 dates chatting picnicing outdoors but in his mind it could sound more

So do you think you’re doing something wrong? Have you mentioned any of these chats with this guy to your husband?

I think it sounds fine, but talk to your DH and if he's not happy then give it a swerve.

I don’t think it counts as any form of cheating no. But I know that my husband may read more into it. No I haven’t , is it normal to mention an occasional message on social media from the opposite gender?

@Flowerpower456 yeah I get that, but it was two dates and then you ended it anyway, there was nothing sexual involved and it was a long time ago! I guess we're all different. Maybe just a 'you know I'm going to XYZ with DD, Mike is going to be there with his daughter and said we should grab a coffee, you okay with that?'

1 year ago

He doesn’t even know of his existence cause of course I’ve never had to mention him. So I worry by mentioning him it makes it sound more suspicious? As it’s the first time? equally I guess I worry incase my dd goes home saying mummy was chatting to a man and then him again thinking the worst!

Just ask your DH. If you feel you can’t do that, then that’s your answer right there

Everyone’s different obviously but I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned everyone I communicate with on social media and also know in real life (quite a lot of people!) to my partner over the years - their gender being pretty irrelevant. It’s just part of our natural chat to talk about people we talk to 🤷🏻‍♀️. It doesn’t sound like you have anything to hide but sounds like you only feel a bit awkward about it because it’s someone you’ve never happened to mention. So I would deal with it by mentioning it now.

Explain your predicament to your DH as you did here, there's no reason he wouldn't undertand, it's fairly simple?

It is literally very occasional message. Perhaps I have made it seem more than it is

Sounds fine to me.

So this is a guy you met on a dating app, have kept in touch with, may be meeting up for coffee, and you haven't told your husband about him. Yeah, it may well be innocent but it looks very dodgy. For me this would be marriage ending.