Am I in the wrong?

[Flowerpower456]

Met my husband in 2020. A couple of months before we met I had a couple of Covid friendly outdoor dates with a guy I met on dating app. He was very sweet and got on well but I didn’t feel a romantic spark. Didn’t even so much as exchange a hug on these dates . After 2 dates I said sorry but not feeling it and there was no harm done as he took it well and that was that. We stayed connected on Instagram and occasionally send a msg replying to a story , or wishing each other a happy birthday as we share the same one.
we have daughters the same age and last year I had posted about attending a local Xmas event at our local uni aimed at children of their age range, and he had msged me at the time enquiring about it as he thought his daughter would be interested.
roll forwards to this year and the same event is on again ( a couple of different time slots ) which I had booked for me and my daughter. I sent a msg to him to say oh by the way this is on. He replied and said thanks for letting me know and that he already had booked for him and his daughter to attend which happens to be during the same time slot as me and my daughter. He made a friendly comment about buying me a coffee.
Of course if we bump into each other at the event I fully intend on being polite and would have a chat.
my worry is is this inappropriate as we once went on a couple of dates? If you were my husband would you be cross?
I might be over thinking it but I guess I wanted to hear others thoughts. TIA

Agree it sounds worse than it is when put like that - but I’m sure you wouldn’t approach it quite like that. Just explain it like you have to us! I can’t see how any reasonable person could complain, to be honest.

For me a date is someone you’ve had sex with. Or at least have kissed.

Meeting up with a man twice ‘in a Covid friendly way’ isn’t not what I would call an old date.

The problem is that when you say Date, you assume feelings or at least some sort sexual interest. There was none so why giving those two meetings more ‘value’ than they had? They’ve merely y acquaintances!

But, you've arranged to meet him for coffee, via messenger/WhatsApp, or whatever. It's not a chance meeting. You're bending the truth to suite your narrative. You're not protecting your husband's feelings by doing that.

A lot of this is not about what it actually is, more about how it's perceived.

I’ve no idea if he’s single or not. His social media doesn’t give anything away. However my social media is very much showing my marriage and children ( me and my husband have a one year old together and I have my daughter from previous relationship) so there is no doubt in his mind of my status.

But you’ve conveniently left out the part where you messaged beforehand to let him know about the event and the suggestion of a coffee was made.

No I didn’t . He said I’ll have to buy you a coffee to say thanks for letting me know about the event. I replied saying no need, the drinks were free! And a smiley face. I didn’t commit to a coffee

I don't know - you have to think why does he want to meet ? But also- what a crazy amt of coincidences!!

It’s the honest truth. And I guess because it may seem unnecessary to blank me and not speak considering there was no bad feeling?

I didn’t say I am attending this time slot come join me. And he has already booked it prior to my msg so it was a coincidence

I didn’t say to him what time slot I was going to until he said he had already booked it prior to my msg. So it was purely coincidence

He said I’ll have to buy you a coffee to say thanks for letting me know about the event

But he supposedly already knew about it and had already booked it?

You’re missing the point, you still messaged him. You said you’d tell your husband you just bumped into a guy you met before him…. But it wouldn’t of happened like that because you already knew he’d be there by speaking beforehand

He’s referring to me telling him last year when he asked me.

About an event where there was every chance he would be attending at a different time/ day?

Why are you so certain?

They had 2 dates no intimacy. Now they very occasionally exchange pleasantries online. They’re both attending an event at the same time with kids. They’ll have a chat and a coffee. They’re friendly acquaintances catching up.

Wouldn’t care at all if my husband did the same.

No I actually meant there are a lot of coincidences such as your birthdays !

Ah ok. Yes it is an odd coincidence. I guess maybe that’s why we wish each other happy birthday still

But you knew he wasn’t attending on a different day because you messaged him.
It doesn’t seem like it matters what anyone says to you, you are writing the narrative how you want it to be written.

No you’re not listening. I msged him about the event. I did not say what day I was attending. He then replied saying he has already booked and which day he was going to which I replied me too.

If your husband knows about these chats then yanbu, but if you've kept it from him then you've got to ask yourself why. I'd have told dh by now and if he wasn't comfortable I'd respect it

This sounds fine to me! Sounds like it just developed into a casual friendship type thing since you didn’t feel a connection. Meeting briefly at an event, having a chat/coffee wouldn’t bother me.

you’d tell your husband about the once yearly happy birthday message?

Sounds fine to me, he’s a sort of fiend. I would mention it in passing to your husband, but with the two girls there I really don’t see the issue

I wouldn't like it. I don't think it's the same as having a normal friend that happens to be a man. It's a man who you only know because you both found each other attractive, swiped right on each other and went on dates with, then kept each other around on social media after. I'd feel like the door had never been closed and wonder why you'd kept each other around and stayed in contact.