Am I in the wrong?

[Flowerpower456]

Met my husband in 2020. A couple of months before we met I had a couple of Covid friendly outdoor dates with a guy I met on dating app. He was very sweet and got on well but I didn’t feel a romantic spark. Didn’t even so much as exchange a hug on these dates . After 2 dates I said sorry but not feeling it and there was no harm done as he took it well and that was that. We stayed connected on Instagram and occasionally send a msg replying to a story , or wishing each other a happy birthday as we share the same one.
we have daughters the same age and last year I had posted about attending a local Xmas event at our local uni aimed at children of their age range, and he had msged me at the time enquiring about it as he thought his daughter would be interested.
roll forwards to this year and the same event is on again ( a couple of different time slots ) which I had booked for me and my daughter. I sent a msg to him to say oh by the way this is on. He replied and said thanks for letting me know and that he already had booked for him and his daughter to attend which happens to be during the same time slot as me and my daughter. He made a friendly comment about buying me a coffee.
Of course if we bump into each other at the event I fully intend on being polite and would have a chat.
my worry is is this inappropriate as we once went on a couple of dates? If you were my husband would you be cross?
I might be over thinking it but I guess I wanted to hear others thoughts. TIA

I agree with @canyouletthedogoutplease .

Give it a miss. Save yourself the headache over a coffee meet up your hubby could take very badly.

I think he meant at the event I’d buy you a coffee. Not going out alone one on one, at the event with children not a date setting. If that makes a difference

New level of mumsnet batshittery UNLOCKED 😂😂

For what it's worth OP, I get what you are saying but I probably wouldn't even mention it unless you actually do have a coffee with him.

And where is the issue?
She has been exchanging a couple of messages a year, not several messages a day.
She hasn’t met him in all those years.
Wy would any of that being an issue?

He's just a mate, absolutely nothing wrong.

You've not even hugged the guy! Does it matter how you met? Also, you haven't actually arranged to meet, it's by chance that you'll be in the same space at the same time.

Do you not have male friends?

I don’t.
And especially not people I’m not meeting in RL.

Why would I?

If you meet him, mention it to your husband first. That'd be the right thing to do.

Only work colleagues.which I guess is different as you meet regularly with the same purpose

I didn’t say you should? I said everyone’s different. We just chat about all kinds of sh*te, so it would arise naturally 🤷🏻‍♀️. I was just saying that maybe if OP and her husband don’t then it might be making it seem like a bigger deal than it is.

i am envisioning if roles were reversed and a week before my husband said to me oh by the way I know a girl is going to be there I went on two dates with 4 years ago but there’s nothing to it and we might have a chat and a coffee if there’s the chance to. I would probably think what?? It sounds worse than what it is

There's nothing batshit about having a boundary whereby you don't tolerate your spouse meeting up behind your back with old dates they've secretly kept in touch with for years.

Sending a happy birthday once a year and the random msg about a children’s Xmas event is not really the same as msging regularly and flirty exchanges.

I’d be fine with it if I was your husband.

This!

Would you want your husband to tell you about something like this if it was him doing the same with a woman he met before you? I don't have an opinion either way, just wondering how you'd feel.

I think I would read more into it by the fact that he felt the need to announce it…

my thinking is I go to the event, if I see him and exchange pleasantries then that’s ok and if necessary could then say to my husband oh I bumped into this guy I once met before you. I think that seems more reasonable than he announcing oh by the way there’s this guy who I went on two dates going today and we might chat so here’s a heads up. It almost seems like I’m trying to hide something that way.

I guess everyone is different, me and any of my ex partners would have a good mix of friends from both genders. I'm good friends with some of exes and I would expect a future partners to be on good terms with their exes, unless there are obvious reasons not to, or they choose not to.

If it would be an issue for you if your partner had female friends, then perhaps apply the same standard to yourself and treat it as you'd expect to be treated.

Which IMO means go to the event but say no to anything beyond a quick hi. After all you concide by accident, it's not like you've both arranged this.

Then again in my view refusing to have a coffee with someone you know while the kids play is also a little bit... unusual. It's just a coffee to pass the time!

Phew. Thank god I never married. The idea of never again being able to even have a cup of coffee with another man is just too much.

Your husband might feel betrayed because you’ve not mentioned it to him. If my husband told me he went on a couple of dates with someone but it didn’t work out but he kept in touch with her by message every now and again and might be meeting up for a coffee (regardless of it the kids are there) I’d be absolutely fuming.

It wouldn't bother me but I know people that it definitely would upset. Let your partner know beforehand and see what he thinks. How would you feel if he does have a problem with it though?

Just talk to your husband. You are married and should have a good enough relationship to be open with each other.

What I will say though and it's an unpopular opinion sometimes is that a lot of guys accept friendship and hope you will change your mind/be persuaded. If he is single that's more likely...

I’m probably a terrible over thinker. I just wanted to see if there’s any logic in my concern or if I’m being ridiculous