How much should my other half contribute ?

[adagiok5]

I have been living with my other half for 6 months having been in a relationship with him for 3 years . We are both very happy .

My dilemma is finances . I own my own house and he has moved in with me . He is going through the process of selling his flat . We then intend to buy a house together in about 3 years time when we retire . I have no mortgage and at the moment he pays half of all the utility bills with me plus food . He doesn’t pay me any rent . He earns considerably more than me and friends feel that he should contribute more financially. Their reasoning is that I do all the cooking , shopping and housework plus work full time running my own business. . I am not sure about this but also don’t want to be taken for a mug. What do others think ?

Why are you living with someone who doesn't do any housework? He's not a guest, he should be mucking in.

Your main concern should be why do you do all the housework, cooking and shopping if he lives there too? Your not his mum

If he contributes fairly to the running of the house then he shouldn't be paying you rent, just splitting bills equally. You both should be putting towards savings for this house your going to buy

You currently have a cocklodger though so I wouldn't be rushing into anything with him

I'd ask him to pay for a cleaner.

I am not so concerned about that it’s the finances I am more worried about

You are already being taken for a mug. If he doesn’t want to do any household chores let him get a cleaner/housekeeper.

I think it depends on the plans financially for the house you’re going to buy, who has what money for that put away. If he’s already paying half of all household bills, no mortgage and he’s going to put the same as you into new house I wouldn’t charge any “rent” because you aren’t paying a mortgage so at that point he’d actually be paying more than you to live in a house he has no entitlement to. If he’s someone you see as a long term partner which I’m guessing you do if you’re going to buy together then I really wouldn’t be getting transactional like this over rent.

You should be concerned about the housework. Unless you want to be the only one doing it all for the rest of your life/relationship.

He's got it made here hasn't here. Free lodgings, maid and cook. You won't know if he actually likes you or not if you carry on like this.

I think what he is paying is fair as you have no mortgage. ( needs to muck in re housework thou seeing as you work full time )

I feel he should pay all utility bills and all the food.

I find it strange that you don’t mind him not contributing to housework and it says a lot about him that he doesn’t mind the way things are either.

He pays what he should imo

If you want more because you chose to do all house related stuff, invoice him. But that's shitty relationship so...

Why are you behaving like the maid?

2 separate issues.

Does he receive rent from his property because he's living with you? If not, and he wasn't gaining from the arrangement, I'd say it was fair.

The housework is separate. You're effectively wanting him to pay you for your housekeeping. That seems weird.

I just think it's not a sustainable way to live, you doing all the cooking, shopping and housework on top of working. It's so unequal.

It's basically showing him that he's the important one here and you're there to serve.

What happens if you get ill? Are you going to do it forever without resentment? Are you imagining it will change when you buy together (it won't).

Why are you letting yourself get treated so unequally? Finances are not the issue here.

How did he manage the shopping, cooking, housework when he lived by himself?

It would be fairer if bills, shopping etc were split proportionate to your respective earnings rather than 50/50. You might want to adjust that a bit if he is still paying a mortgage on his flat.

So, essentially he's shagging his landlady to get his bed and board for free? (As well as all the housework and cooking etc 🙄)

He's a cocklodger.

I agree with the other posters - financially it is fair . You are both paying shared costs .

him paying extra is paying for you to cook and clean is a maid not a partner .

I assume he did cook and clean for himself previously .
This will be your life forever .

I don't really see why she should subsidise him paying his mortgage. That's him feathering his nest at her expense. If he should be paying proportionately to the bills, his other outgoings are irrelevant to that.

He doesn’t pay me any rent . He earns considerably more than me and friends feel that he should contribute more financially

I feel perhaps some posters are missing this? If OPs earns say (for arguments sake) 20k a and her partner earns 50K and they're living rent/mortgage free thanks to her - it doesn’t seem fair and equitable to split the food and bill costs down the middle.

If I earned significantly more than my partner I would expect to foot more of the bills.

OP, how much more does he earn than you? What would a proportional split of household costs according to your salaries look like. 70/30?

As you've mentioned that he earns considerably more than you, I think you should look at splitting all the household bills, food etc in proportion to your individual incomes, rather than 50/50 as you do now.

At the moment, you are subsidising his life style, plus you're doing all the daily housework tasks, so he is having a very easy ride indeed.
Getting your finances on a fairer footing, and with plans for saving for holidays, replacing white goods etc, will help you see how committed he is to a partnership with you, as at present it seems very one sided.

Financially it sounds fair due to no mortgage needing to be paid however the domestic side of things needs to be sorted.

He should be doing more around the house to be an equal partner. You say you’re ok with it but one day the resentment will creep up and you won’t. Life is only going to get busier and harder if you have children and you don’t want to have a useless manchild also depending on you for everything.

@DaisyChain505 I don't think kids are on the cards, they are up for retiring in a couple of years 😂

Why are you doing all the domestic drudgery? What a mug!
If you insist you are happy to do so, at least get him to increase his payments to reflect this unfair allocation of labour.

Then if it's just financial you can't ask him for rent, it's your house and your asset so if you split he'd be out with nothing.

If you ask him for rent cos you're doing housework, cooking and shopping then he's paying for your services isn't he?

Will being financially compensated for doing all the home related work make you feel less of a mug? This is all you need to ask yourself