How much should my other half contribute ?

[adagiok5]

I have been living with my other half for 6 months having been in a relationship with him for 3 years . We are both very happy .

My dilemma is finances . I own my own house and he has moved in with me . He is going through the process of selling his flat . We then intend to buy a house together in about 3 years time when we retire . I have no mortgage and at the moment he pays half of all the utility bills with me plus food . He doesn’t pay me any rent . He earns considerably more than me and friends feel that he should contribute more financially. Their reasoning is that I do all the cooking , shopping and housework plus work full time running my own business. . I am not sure about this but also don’t want to be taken for a mug. What do others think ?

I don't think it's something that should come out of disposable income. And at least I suggested a more proportionate split, some posters seem to think the current financial set up is absolutely fine.

Meant to quote @category12reply to my earlier post

So he….

• earns more than you
• gets to live in your I should imagine lovely home rent free
• all services are provided by you when you also work very hard

I beg he’s happy. He’s a CF and a cocklodger and while you are not yet a nurse with a purse give yourself a few years.
You haven’t been living together that long OP.
I would not be buying a house with this man. Get him to buy another property, and let him go and do his own cooking, cleaning etc.
Do not give away your financial independence to a man who is treating you like a maid. Don’t. Well, obviously it’s your thread and your choice but he’s having a laugh.

Wow, the patriarchy is winning here isn't it? Why do you think it's acceptable in 2024 to be treated so unequally OP?

This is exactly the reason that if anything happened to my wonderful, pulls his weight equally with everything DH, I would replace him with a dog. Too many men are CF cock lodgers

I appreciate that, but I don't really get why he should get a reduction because he's buying a long term asset that benefits himself only.

If they were getting married and pooling all resources, then maybe.

but surely your "cooking, shopping and housework" has value, to which he should contribute?

Ok, your asset is your home, his asset is his income (ignoring his property)
he’s using half your home, how about you have half his income?

seriously though, people living free because mortgage paid off doesn’t take into account how much it took to get in that position.

even if you’re ok with his being tight on the household front, is he generous with paying for holidays, getting your car fixed and presents?

He's selling the flat and they're planning to buy a joint property. Seems reasonable to assume that the proceeds of the flat will go towards that purchase and therefore benefit both parties.

Bottom line? I would take a mortgage into account when deciding a split of costs. If you wouldn't do the same then fair enough.

However, I think we can agree on the main point ie the current 50/50 split isn't fair.

Bloody hell OP.
You have made a right desperate skivvy of yourself.

No doubt he will be banking the money he is saving whilst earning so much more.

He is tight.
A decent man would pay for ALL food and take out food and a cleaner.
A decent man would INSIST.

You have set yourself up so badly here.
You are behaving like someone who has zero respect for themselves.

You shouldn't have to spell this out to a good man.

I was in this situation 35 years ago.
My flat was in a prime location in the city and all bills were included.
It was an excellent deal.
My fiancée moved in because I wouldn't give up the deal.
I continued to pay rent and he paid for food meals, holidays as he was on 5 times my excellent salary and on a special tax deal.
This is what good men do.

Have a good hard look at him.

I'm just uncomfortable that OP has done all the hard work of paying off her own mortgage - and now she's basically helping him to pay off his.

How will that be reflected and protected if they buy together?

He should be contributing to the shopping as well as all the utilities, but other than that, why would you need more money for him when you don’t have rent or a mortgage to pay? Your friends sound very grabby and your arrangement is fine.

You aren’t supposed to profit from having a partner live with you. The only thing that makes a difference is his attitude because of the fact that he earns a lot more than you. If he’s generous when it comes to the fun things in life, then there isn’t a problem.

Doesn't that go both ways?

He is really profiting from living with OP. Financially and by not lifting a finger round the home.

Why should OPs hard work to pay off her own mortgage be a reason for someone to sponge off her?

Thank you this has been my opinion all along . I have had several friends though, who think he should contribute more financially . It’s good to get another perspective

hank you this has been my opinion all along . I have had several friends though, who think he should contribute more financially . It’s good to get another perspective

hank you this has been my opinion all along . I have had several friends though, who think he should contribute more financially . It’s good to get another perspective

hank you this has been my opinion all along . I have had several friends though, who think he should contribute more financially . It’s good to get another perspective

So if you're happy with the financial situation then crack on. Who pays when you go out? Is it always 50/50?

But if you want the rest of your life to be looking after him then I think you're nuts.

If you weren't there he'd have to look after himself

@adagiok5 I noticed you’ve come back and just responded to the posts who agree with your opinion. Did you just want to hear people echo back what you feel?

It’s fine if you did but if you’re genuinely wanting to reflect on it it’s fair or not i suggest you consider the alternatives views.

As some posters including myself have said a man earning significantly more than you, who gets to stay rent free (and possibly would be saving on his mortgage?) because of you should be paying more to costs such as food, social events, and bills. And of course housework too.

OP, you are only responding positively to the posts that agree with you.

I live with my partner, in my house. Mortgage free. He earns more than me. We split the bills proportionally. 2/3 him, 1/3 me. Otherwise, he saves way more money than me as I would be subsidising him. What we do is fair and equitable.

I think your friends are right, he needs to pay more.

He is saving lots of money by not paying you rent? Why is that ok? For me it’s completely irrelevant if you have a mortgage or not. He lives at yours and should contribute and not just to the bills. And he is definitely able to. So basically he is saving lots every month, you do all the household - sounds like he has an amazing deal here.

@Tillybud81 he doesn’t get rent for his flat . I know that I am a mug for doing all the housework but unfortunately u have always been that way .

@Nanny0gg it’s mainly 50/50

@whydoieven I am trying to get back to everyone I didn’t realise I would get so many replies . Your situation sounds so much fairer . I agree he has much more disposable income income than me

@Ruggsey Oh dear this really doesn’t put him in a good light . Thank you for pointing this all out to me

@Tumbler2121

Er no he isn’t

@PeggyMitchellsCameo

oh dear putting it that way I think my doubts about the financial situation are correct