How much should my other half contribute ?

[adagiok5]

I have been living with my other half for 6 months having been in a relationship with him for 3 years . We are both very happy .

My dilemma is finances . I own my own house and he has moved in with me . He is going through the process of selling his flat . We then intend to buy a house together in about 3 years time when we retire . I have no mortgage and at the moment he pays half of all the utility bills with me plus food . He doesn’t pay me any rent . He earns considerably more than me and friends feel that he should contribute more financially. Their reasoning is that I do all the cooking , shopping and housework plus work full time running my own business. . I am not sure about this but also don’t want to be taken for a mug. What do others think ?

@FiveStoryFire

He ate junk food and his flat was a mess

@StormBertCanFuckOff I agree

YES TO THIS!! I never understand why someone would work so hard to become mortgage free then have a partner move in and not charge rent! He’s benefited from OPs hard work!!

He should contribute towards wear and tear in your home even if it's just lodger rates.

Minimum of 50% of ALL bills - I assume that includes food shop.

He also needs to find and pay for a cleaner twice a week to contribute towards the 50% of stuff he should be doing.

If he pays anything towards the mortgage or doing up the house he can make a claim on the property if you break up. Tread carefully.

@strawberrysea
Thank you for this advice

I never mentioned his flat, I said he shouldn't be paying you rent to live in your house.

These threads always divide people, but I personally don't agree with partners paying 'rent' to live with you if you own the house. Even if you have a mortgage it's YOUR mortgage, if you weren't together it would still be YOUR mortgage. Legally and financially the house is yours and unless you marry or you put him on the deeds he'll never have a stake in it, him paying you rent on top of bills is just you profiting from him.

I do agree however if his earnings are a lot more than yours then the split of bills should reflect that.

Him being a slob that you will have to cook, clean and look after is a whole other issue

He should pay proportionate to his income. You are doing him a favour letting him stay rent free so it's the least he can do.

As for the housework...umm the 1959s are calling. If he's lazy now it will not change. And you'd end up doing all the childcare too if kids came into the picture.

OK so...why would you move someone like that into your home?

It's not your job to try to fix a man you know.
And he clearly isn't interested in changing.

Does he mow the lawn and take the bins out?

You should be concerned. His indifference to the cleaning snd housework shows he is a user who takes you for granted. Your supposed lack of concern is just folly masquerading as hospitality or super competence. Do you think you wouldn’t catch snd hold such a superb specimen if you demanded fair treatment?

You're enabling him to be a user and lazy because you do most everything and he does nothing

Therefore he continues that through the finances

If you're happy to be with a man like this, crack on

Will he agree to pay for a cleaner? This seems like the best solution all round. Plus proportional split of bills etc.

So you already knew he was a lazy slob who didn’t lift a finger and still decided it was a good idea to let him move in rent free?

With your situation you’re facilitating him continuing with his lazy slob lifestyle while you run round like an unpaid housemaid with added sex on tap.

Does he take you on dates, holidays etc and pay for those?

What do you get out of this set up?

You don't have to be, though.

There's no reason why you can't change, stand up for yourself and insist on a fair division of labour - why on earth would you just shrug your shoulders and say "yeah I'm a mug" and carry on?

You've only been living together 6 months. This is not fixed in stone.

If he's too bone-idle or scruffy that he would choose junk food and filth, rather than doing some housework, the least he could do is pay for a cleaner or laundry services.

But I don't know how you can have any respect for someone who just expects you to pick up after him and do all the chores while you also work fulltime. He ought to be embarrassed.

he's not a lodger he's your partner. no you shouldnt be charging him rent. that's wild. if the shoe was on the other foot would you pay him rent? i would never pay my mortgage free partner rent and i would be offended if he asked!

Finances aren't your issue. He is paying fairly towards cost.

The issue is the fact he is lazy. You need to spread the chores more evenly.

@FiveStoryFire
Because we get on well .

This

Eh? So he pays nothing and does no housework?

What is the point of him? Boot him out,

Be honest with us - how much has your overall workload gone up since he moved in with you? Most of us do less cooking living by ourselves - batch cooking and freezing, plus the semi-regular beans on toast on the couch. More dishes (who cieans up from cooking?) There will also be increased dirt, especially if he's a natural slob.
What happens if one of you gets ill?

Ugh. Why do women who have their own home and security want to move a slob of a man in? OP you obviously care about your home. What is the advantage FOR YOU in him moving in? You can get on well with him then go home to your clean and comfortable house.

I'd probably get on well with someone who did all my homework and got me out of paying rent too!

But when they inevitably grew more and more exhausted by it all, by not having an equal partner and by always having to be the cook, caretaker and maid to a manchild then that relationship would sour pretty fast.

Just because you like someone doesn't mean there's respect in the relationship. And relationships where they treat you like a houseservant are not big on respect.

He pays you what he should - you shouldn't take any money towards your property otherwise he might try to make a claim on it.

If you both work full time all housework etc should be split 50/50, you are his partner not his Mother.

It definitely fair.

He needs to help with chores, or get a cleaner and go halves.

Your friends sound very grabby.