How much should my other half contribute ?

[adagiok5]

I have been living with my other half for 6 months having been in a relationship with him for 3 years . We are both very happy .

My dilemma is finances . I own my own house and he has moved in with me . He is going through the process of selling his flat . We then intend to buy a house together in about 3 years time when we retire . I have no mortgage and at the moment he pays half of all the utility bills with me plus food . He doesn’t pay me any rent . He earns considerably more than me and friends feel that he should contribute more financially. Their reasoning is that I do all the cooking , shopping and housework plus work full time running my own business. . I am not sure about this but also don’t want to be taken for a mug. What do others think ?

Honestly OP, men are NEVER accidentally tight.
It is ALWAYS deliberate.
If a man is good and really cares about you he doesn't have to be explained to about being a decent human being.

Meanness goes to the very core of a man.

From what you have written he is messy, lazy, doesn't share the house chore load and he is tight to boot.

He is living off you despite earning far more than you.

It is really sad this is all you think you deserve.

I would be so disappointed for you if you were my daughter.
You deserve better than a mean man making money off living in your house..

Of course you get on well.
He's found a free home with a skivvy to boot.

Are you actually hoping to have a family with this loser?

Have you any idea how miserable life is with a tight lazy man who does nothing while you work full-time, skivvy, do all childcare and contribute 50/50 of bills?

Utterly miserable.
You will come to bitterly regret your very very low standards.

Men like him don't accidentally meet solvent women.

The OP says they’re looking to retire in 3 years so I’d say he’s found himself a nurse with a purse.

OP - do you have DC? If so I hope you make a watertight will before you merge finances and buy a property with this man.

Thanks Twisted, missed the retirement mention.

It's worse!
Nurse with a purse is right.
Bloody hell OP.
What is the appeal of a lazy, mean OLD man?

I own a house but I have a lodger. If my DP moved in, lodger would have to move out. So I would lose income, meanwhile DP (who currently rents) wouldn't have to pay any rent any more. I don't see how that would be fair?

Well that's a pretty unique circumstance, but your lodger could move out any time leaving you without rent. You also wouldn't expect them to do any work or maintenance on the house but I bet you'd expect it from your DP.

I assume you'd hold your partner in a slightly higher regard than a lodger and hope he'd stay for the foreseeable future too

But say you asked your partner for rent, then you split up after many years and asked him to move out of YOUR house he'd have no claim to it but you've got his money he's paid you for all those years. That doesn't seem fair either. Your his partner not his landlady

Like I say it's a contentious point, but my opinion still stands a partner shouldn't pay rent, they should put their money into savings for their own future protection while paying their way fairly for bills and such

I don't think he should be paying rent, but it seems wrong that OP is subsidising his mortgage payments. They both should benefit from living together.

I think he should be paying the bills in proportion to his higher income and doing his share of the housework, or paying for a cleaner since he appears to be a lazy pig.

OP should pay for repairs and upgrades to her home, (unless he breaks something, in which case he pays for a replacement). He should fund his own mortgage payments.

@Tillybud81 You're making a big assumption that I would ask DP to do work on or maintain the house. I certainly wouldn't. It's my house, as currently I solely own it then if something needs repairing or maintaining it's my responsibility.

If lodger moved out then I would simply replace them. I've had a few lodgers, I live in a popular area, and I've never needed more than 24 hours to find someone new.

Depending on what I charged DP, he could also actually be better off in the long run paying rent if he moved in. Currently he can't buy a house on his own because he pays rent (more than lodger pays). If he moved in with me then theoretically he could pay less rent, live in a much bigger house, and have money left to save for his own property eventually (or to put towards us buying together eventually if things work out in the longer term).

Anyway I don't want to derail the thread, just pointing out that perhaps there is a middle ground and it's not so black and white as partners shouldn't pay rent. Both parties can actually be better off, and I don't see why one person should automatically have to make all the compromises.

Set up a rota for him to contribute time and effort to the washing, cleaning, cooking, gardening, DIY, housework every week

Tell him that he needs to contribute more £ to the household income every month

If you continue to get on well after this ^ then you'll know he's a keeper

Otherwise he's simply a lazy user imo

Like I said, was just my opinion on the OPs post 👍

I earn around 22k he earns 40k. I work 39 weeks a year basically school term times

Are you still banging on about the OP 'subsidising' his mortgage payments? You don't even know if he has a bloody mortgage.

So you earn little and he earns nearly double.
🙄
Mean.
Pls wake up to it.

Im sure the OP knows what her issues are. patronising or what?

Surprised no-one has brought this up but...

If the relationship breaks down for any reason, at any point in the future, your partner may be able to force you to sell the property or claim part of the monies from a sale if they can prove that they have acquired a ‘beneficial interest’ in the property. The payment of utility bills , rent or other outgoings could give rise to a claim. If your partner pays for substantial works to the property that would increase the value, then they could also make a claim on that basis.

I had a client a few years back where her ( now ex ) moved in with her , without a cohabiting agreement. The relationship ended a year or so later and as he could proved he had a) lived here for more than 6 months and helped with the mortgage and utility bills he was awarded nearly half of the equity of the house, even though he wasn't on the deeds.

Personally, I wouldn't allow a partner to pay rent, for exactly this reason, and would instead ask for the food shopping to be paid for, dinners out, holidays and maybe utilities such as sky.

If they have a rental agreement, he can’t make a claim.

I get that, that's why I mentioned a cohabiting agreement, but I can guarantee you there isn't one in place.