My partner of 3 years was just diagnosed with genital warts. Is there any chance he's *not* cheated?

[Alwaysabitscared]

I received a negative HPV smear test result in February, but have read various things about dormancy and the wart could well have been there for a while (it was in quite a hidden spot). I am totally freaking out in all honesty.

Yes, you just can’t be certain at all. It’s just that it most often presents within the first 6 weeks of exposure. You can’t ever know for sure. Any other signs?

What did your partner say?

Yes absolutely, he could have been infected years ago and had it lay dormant

There is no way to tell.
Once you get HPV, it can lie dormant for years and only when your immune system is low will warts appear.
The HPV test only shows a positive when HPV is active so it is also possible to have dormant HPV and test negative.

There are many different HPV viruses - the cervical cancer screening tells you nothing about warts.

And I agree with pp, they can lie dormant for years.

I think smears only test for high risk HPV which are different strains to the wart variant which doesn't cause cancer

Thanks for the responses guys! He didn't tell me about the diagnosis at first, and we had a bit of a rough patch after he admitted to flirting (no pictures - I've seen all the messages) on Facebook with a former friend so my mind jumped to the absolute worst. He was very torn up though, and swore absolutely nothing offline/physical ever happened. I am probably being overly sensitive and won't ever really know, but just thought I'd check. Many thanks for your quick responses

The HPV vaccine prevents 7 high risk HPV viruses that cause cancer and 2 low risk HPV viruses that cause warts. As a pp stated, there are other less common HPV viruses. They are starting to vaccinate boys as well as girls.

Swore he has no idea what's happened and has encouraged me to get checked out myself

I’m just thinking out loud here but if he’s had them lay dormant for years wouldn’t he have had an initial breakout when he first contracted them?

I could be completely dumb here but it’s the first thing that popped into my head.

No. Not everyone get symptoms (warts) directly after infection.

“Most types of HPV — there are more than 100Trusted Source — don’t show any symptoms and go away without needing treatment.
HPV, like most viruses, goes through a dormancy period where it doesn’t cause any symptoms inside or outside the body. Some types of HPV can be dormant for years before someone develops symptoms or finds out they have it.”
https://www.healthline.com/health/how-long-can-hpv-be-dormant

I work in sexual health. Yes, it’s entirely possible he’s had it for years and just not noticed. Maybe he had an initial flare back in the day (they can be quite small and a lot of men don’t inspect their penises the way women inspect their vulvas). You could have been exposed but never contracted HPV or you could have gotten it, but your body fought it off in time. The strains that cause genital warts are generally the more low risk ones that don’t cause cancer and aren’t tested during cervical screenings. So you very well could also have it and not know. You might even have been the one who gave it to him. It’s really very difficult to know. I would focus more on your relationship and what your gut says. I think your gut would tell you if something wasn’t right. Realistically, if he’d cheated, most men would treat the warts and keep quiet if they were truly dishonest.

Thanks so much for your reassuring message. Regarding your last point, he actually didn't tell me at first, but I found the treatment in our bathroom drawer so I'm not 100% sure how to feel on it. He was quite annoyed I'd even asked him as he said it was an affront on his medical privacy but understood my concern and said he hasn't been with anyone else. Freaked me out a bit in all honesty, but not sure I'll ever know.

I would be concerned if my partner didn’t tell me this - it’s potentially putting you at risk. His attempt at a defence also would get me questioning why the secrecy as the reasoning is poor to say the least.

It is concerning and he should have told OP, but cheating isn’t the only reason why people won’t disclose STIs. Often there is a certain amount of shame over being diagnosed with an STI, and anxiety over how a partner might react.

He was quite annoyed I'd even asked him as he said it was an affront on his medical privacy

You found something in YOUR bathroom drawer and his immediate reaction is to claim a breech ‘medical privacy’?
Seriously, if you want privacy, you dint leave your treatment in view of everyone.

But also, his privacy trumps your health and well-being?

Oh that would NOT give me good vibes. I’m sorry 😢😢

I agree about attitude around STI.

But shame or not, not telling your partner you have an STI is not ok.
Nor is having sex whilst you know you are contagious (and you don’t tell them)

Shame could explain not telling them ahead of time. Not when you need treatment.

This is a red flag. He has genital warts for which he’s being treated. If you’re sleeping with him, he should have been totally upfront with you. I wouldn’t like that at all.

He tried to hide an std from you. He didn't care if you were at risk.

I would dump him. He's hit on other women and now hidden a std.

You deserve better.

His behaviour was understandable/explainable initially and you could have given him the benefit of the doubt.
Now it transpires that he’s sought and obtained treatment without informing you- the partner that he’s sleeping with- thus putting your sexual health at risk. He then compounds it by kicking off when you found the medication.
If I trusted his story before, I most definitely wouldn’t now, sorry OP.

Don’t sleep with him going forward until you know more. HPV causes cervical cancer. He’s shown that he doesn’t care about your health…

I agree it is unacceptable that he tried to keep it from you. That’s enough by itself to break up.

I am terrified to break up as I've recently been laid off and we've got family stuff going on on both sides so wary of making big decisions. Weird stuff has been happening lately, from the messages to him getting really angry at me over the slightest thing and then telling me I'm the greatest thing he's ever had etc.

He gets really frustrated at me if I tell him I'm upset about anything (which could explain his jerk response to me asking about the medication) but has told me I need to get over the shock of redundancy and not talk to him about it as he's started a new job and doesn't have time to talk it through. He even shouted about me saying it was 'a bit weird' that he hadn't told me about (let alone invited) me to his birthday party. It is just him and some boys to be fair, I just found it a little strange that he didn't tell me? He thinks I'm overly demanding as I now have too much time to think post-redundancy, which is probably true.

This is also only my second proper relationship - I'm in my late 20s - but I have been cheated on before and really don't want to ruin something over a suspicion.

@marriednotdead @LadyGabriella @Princessconsuelabananahammock9 @Mostlyoblivious @MitochondriaUnited Thanks so much for your responses. I really appreciate it. I can't work out how to quote multiple people on the above message but thanks so much for your input.

I'm in an interview process for a new (and better!) job so hopefully I'll be over this hurdle as I do worry my confidence has been knocked all round and don't want to make any rash decisions.

I don't really know what's normal in relationships regarding STD disclosure as I haven't been in a situation like this before but can see that he may well have felt awkward and wanted to hide it (not an excuse but perhaps the explanation).

Wow. This is a problem.