My partner of 3 years was just diagnosed with genital warts. Is there any chance he's *not* cheated?

[Alwaysabitscared]

I received a negative HPV smear test result in February, but have read various things about dormancy and the wart could well have been there for a while (it was in quite a hidden spot). I am totally freaking out in all honesty.

You don’t need proof.
You can trust your gut.
You deserve better.
God no, body wash could give hives and they are indeed different to warts and yes they very much can be tested for - medicine was founded by men, it’s somewhat man centric so yeah, it’s not one that they’ve failed to cover.
This guy sounds hideous.

If you really need to see if he’s lying about what the clinic said then go to the clinic, get a check up (which please please do anyway) and then have the conversation about notifying current and past partners (and hear them offer to contact them anonymously for you if you don’t want to be doing it yourself….)

you deserve better and can end a relationship for any reason that you feel. You don’t owe them an explanation and certainly don’t with him as he ties you in knots and gives you the run around by distraction and deflection

He sounds awful in every update. I work in finance and can just imagine the kind of unpleasant bullying dick he is. Bet he is shit in bed too, lazy.

please focus on getting another job, getting some therapy to work out why you stuck with him. Please don’t get married or have kids with him, your life will be a nightmare.

the massive prick is who he is, not the charmer. The charm will stop once you are stuck with him.

and seems likely he cheated. Ditch him for your own sanity.

@Alwaysabitscared
As soon as you find a new job, dump him and leave.
He's not a keeper.

@DianaRiggsCatsuit @sausagesforteaagain @Mostlyoblivious As an update, I agreed to go to his birthday drinks, and he ended up leaving me by a park at 3am because I looked at my phone (on 3%) to respond to a message by my friend who had been freaked out on a first date. I’ve just managed to get to a friend’s house, but the whole thing has reached such a head I’m honestly in shock and in a state of panic. He just walked straight past me and told me I had to hurry up or he’d lock me out (as he ended up doing). I honestly can’t believe anyone would be so callous.

I'm so sorry! I have to say I think the writing was on the wall. Can you move in with parents?

This is BS. No clinic can oblige a patient to tell their partners about a diagnosis, but they absolutely do advise patients to inform their partners.

Many clinics (maybe not now with GDPR?) used to offer to inform someone's partners by phone. They'd give you a form to fill out with people's numbers so that they could anonymously advise them to get themselves checked out.

I have just read your updates OP, about how you had a very sweet ex who doted on you but your current partner does not reciprocate your efforts, and how he abandoned you mate at night and threatened to lock you out.

Please do not engage any further with him. Just break it off and block him.

You do not need "a reason" to split with someone.
The situation does not need to be "bad enough".
You do not have an obligation to hear someone out or give them a chance or give them time.

This is your life, you are doing your best trying to find a new job, be a good friend, be a loving girlfriend, and the person you are showing your affection to is continually

• throwing it back in your face
• telling you you're not as good as he is and are in "no position to judge"
• putting you in financially tight situations despite berating your financial situation
• knowingly endangered your sexual health
• turned his knowing endangerment into "you being nosy"

I don't know what you need to read here to just leave him, but that really is best for you. If you can afford counselling, get some. Something I found that helped post-break-up or when looking for a new partner was to have my own list.

Post-break-up, this list is "how do I imagine a happy life? Is it happy with them in it?". For example, I imagine a happy life in my own house with a tiny garden and a big velvet sofa. If my ex wandered into my thoughts, I reminded myself that he'd hate this house.

When dating, this list is "what do I really hope for in a partner? Is this reciprocal?". I have a paper list of the things I'd hope for (which are reflections of things I think I provide, i.e. optimism) and if someone doesn't match my hopes, I don't continue to date them.

You have one life and you should spend it with the people who lift you up, reassure you, & make you happy.

I'm glad you are safe OP. Take your time and talk to friend and family about your next move. Don't cover up his behaviour, be honest about the problems you have been having. You can figure out a plan to go with someone to get your stuff short term and to figure out your next move. Don't rush, let the dust settle. The good news is that as you are job hunting you have a chance to make changes and choices about where you are going to live which might seem scary or unsettling at the moment, but might turn out great in the end. Life has its ups and downs and teaches us a lot. Don't turn down any practical or short term financial help from anyone and don't be afraid to ask. If you need advice there's loads of organisations out there too. Good luck and let your emotions in today, then get angry and let that power you, take care.

Oh op he sounds absolutely vile.

I have to say, re the warts, yes, he could have not cheated. But his reaction to it - secrecy and outrage you found out - are not the actions of an innocent man.

my exDP also denied any wrongdoing. Accused me in fact.

and now this? He locked you out?!??

op I think you can see the direction of travel here

@BitOutOfPractice @holrosea @Workiskilligme @Runskiyoga Thanks for all your replies. Honestly can’t really believe how quickly everything has changed but I had to speak to him as he was incessantly calling me. I am still getting blamed for walking too slowly while messaging and has no remorse about what could have happened with my phone on such low charge and it being so late. In a way, it’s quite helpful that it was such a horrible situation as I haven’t been talked round and can finally draw a line in the sand.

Thanks so much for taking the time out of your Saturday to be so supportive, I really appreciate it

If he's been 100% faithfull and suddenly developed these warts he may not have asked OP about in case he didn't like the answer. Just stuck his head in the sand and hoped it would go away. Maybe he had in the past and thought that was it when it cleared up.

Either of you could had it for years without knowing. It's one of those things that really you need to be honest about to a prospective partner, have you ever had HPV because if you did you still have.

Have you read the thread @BigFatLiar ?

So sorry to hear about last night but maybe it needed something this bad to be your tipping point to leave.

You're too young to waste your life on this loser. Being single is far better than being with an arsehole

I think he is cheating on you and I think you should make plans to leave whilst you are still young enough to start over. Standards. Boundaries. Expectations - ensure you have them in your next relationship. X

Just read the updates Op , what an absolute wanker to lock you out at 3am!
an ex did similar to me at that time and left me to walk back to mine alone, it was heartbreaking and I still stayed with him for further abuse until I found evidence of his drug habit which finally gave me the motivation to end it with him.
he was a spiteful sulky git and I don’t know what I was thinking to keep seeing him.
i hope you are safe and have ended it or making steps to leave xx

Thanks OP, I hope you are doing ok this week