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Original poster

Why is not asking me out?

104 replies

Minnie5002 · 27/11/2024 16:18

I’ve been dating this guy for more than 4 months. He keeps saying he’s going to make me his girlfriend soon but hasn’t. Do you think there is a reason for this ?

we get along really well, it’s like we are in a relationship already. Just to clarify I haven’t pushed him at all the make it official

OP posts:
honeylulu · 27/11/2024 16:47

If you're going on dates with him, you are "going out with him". But I don't think that's what you mean.

He's thinking of making you his girlfriend... what does that mean? (I'm old and in my youth if you were going out with someone you were boyfriend/girlfriend!) Does he mean he does not consider you exclusive yet, so he (and you) are open to see other people?

After 4 months and he's still messing you around "thinking about it" and keeping his options open just get rid. Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it. If this was a goer he should be head over heels mad for you at the 4 month mark.

MiddleAgedDread · 27/11/2024 16:47

Get yourself an STI check if you're sleeping with him!

nfkl · 27/11/2024 16:49

The question shouldn't be when or if he decides to make you his GF, the real question should be: do you want him as a BF?
And, as a BF, I would want a man a bit more decisive and enthusiastic than this wet lettuce of an answer that sets a very skewed and unhealthy power dynamic.
A man in love doesn't say that.
Also what is the BS reason that it can't be now?
I am afraid he is stringing you on and anyways, with a "pick and choose" mindset like that, I would throw that one back in the sea, stat and far.
Stop sleeping with him, it s not serious.
Even if all the kids do it, don't, it's not ok. Taking time before committing fine, dating several people at a time (without sleeping), very fine, I recommend, but making "situationship" a compulsory phase before commitment? No way, it's unhealthy, you commit or you don't.
Men are lazy and happy enough to milk the cow for free, don't institutionalise it.

Olika · 27/11/2024 16:49

So currently he is dating/in his opinion allowed to date others because you are not his girlfriend? After 4 months this is bullshit. If he wanted to commit to you he would have/he would do just call him out and find someone else.

Wishimaywishimight · 27/11/2024 16:50

'Make you his girlfriend'?? Sounds like you're waiting on him to confer some huge honour upon you 😂

Why does this get to be his decision while you just sit around waiting on him to decide if you are worthy or not?

I just can't imagine how these conversations go but then I'm from the dark ages when it comes to dating (mid-50s). DH asked me out at the bus stop, we went out a few times then I considered him to be my boyfriend, never really mentioned it though, we both just assumed we were in a relationship.

HoppityBun · 27/11/2024 16:54

He keeps saying he’s going to make me his girlfriend soon is there some sort of ceremony involved? At what stage will you make him your boyfriend?

SprinkleCake · 27/11/2024 17:01

No need to push it when things are going well.

NPET · 27/11/2024 17:04

OK I may be missing something here, but this situation sounds weird. I DON'T mean you are weird, I say that because I only ever suffer the opposite. Every boy/man I go out with (hell, every guy I LOOK at) wants to make me his long-term girlfriend! And I know I'm not the only woman who says that so I assumed it was normal.

WitcheryDivine · 27/11/2024 17:05

I think you’re being too easy going. My approach used to be “are you my boyfriend now? I just need to know as I’m going to a party on Saturday and I don’t want to waste time thinking we’re exclusive if we’re not.”

Don’t dangle around being the one he can take or leave, it’s undignified mate.

Boomer55 · 27/11/2024 17:07

Xmasmunkeh · 27/11/2024 16:22

Huh?
You've been together 4 months, why does he need to ask you out?

Am I missing something?

This. If you’re together, and have been for 4 months, surely he has asked you out? 🤔

CustardCreams2 · 27/11/2024 17:09

He’s definitely keeping his options open. Doesn’t sound like a catch.

Bumcake · 27/11/2024 17:17

What would this ceremony involve? I’ve never heard of it being a thing.

Beastiesandthebeauty · 27/11/2024 17:22

Are you both still dating other people ?

Beastiesandthebeauty · 27/11/2024 17:23

For people confused modern 'dating/ relationship'

Dating phase can see as many people as you want for as long as you want until you make it ' exclusive ' I.e boyfriend girlfriend

Phase2 · 27/11/2024 17:27

I think it's evolved through social media and friends of friends messaging people. My young adults do

Talking (eg messaging)
Seeing (in person meet ups)
Dating (non exclusive/casual) - to be fair often actually is exclusive it's just not official
Girlfriend/boyfriend

ohwhataluvverly · 27/11/2024 17:27

He doesn't want to "make you his gf". Dating is very straightforward. If you like someone and are keen, they like you and are keen on you, it all flows nicely and you become exclusive partners without angst.

What you have here is someone who doesn't want you as his gf (otherwise it would have happned) but worse is 'future faking' you by promising and hinting it will happen. It really won't. I'd exit now before you get more emotionally involved.

Dump him.

If I'm wrong, he'll come running and be quick to make you his exclusive partner. If I'm right (which I am) he'll keep pesetering you to meet up for sex and fob you off with 'soon' 'soon' excuses until you find the strength to block him from your life.

Original poster
Minnie5002 · 27/11/2024 17:29

We have spoken about a future together and I’ve said before we basically in a relationship. Then he will say something about him soon making it official. So I can’t even assume this is a relationship otherwise he wouldn’t say about making me his girlfriend eventually ?

I understand about you just naturally become a couple but the dating scene now if the conversation is not had you have no loyalties or commitments to eachother unfortunately

OP posts:
ohyesido · 27/11/2024 17:30

Either you're his girlfriend or you aren't. Are you waiting for some kind of ceremony?

Original poster
Minnie5002 · 27/11/2024 17:32

ohyesido · 27/11/2024 17:30

Either you're his girlfriend or you aren't. Are you waiting for some kind of ceremony?

I’m not waiting on a ceremony but when I mention us being in a relationship he says soon. Which I’m guessing means we are not…

and I don’t want to waste my time if he is not serious

OP posts:
WitcheryDivine · 27/11/2024 17:34

Minnie5002 · 27/11/2024 17:29

We have spoken about a future together and I’ve said before we basically in a relationship. Then he will say something about him soon making it official. So I can’t even assume this is a relationship otherwise he wouldn’t say about making me his girlfriend eventually ?

I understand about you just naturally become a couple but the dating scene now if the conversation is not had you have no loyalties or commitments to eachother unfortunately

Ah ok I think you’ve got yourself a man there who thinks he’s more special than he is. He says he will make it official soon - what he means is “I want to keep fucking other people until I get bored, you’re my fallback position.” I assure you you deserve better than that. Any man saying that deserves the girl to laugh in his face.

Beastiesandthebeauty · 27/11/2024 17:34

It does sound like he's stringing you along... if he's genuinely thought about a future he would have made it official by now. I would send have a chat and let him know its about time or you're going to invest your time elsewhere.

WitcheryDivine · 27/11/2024 17:34

Minnie5002 · 27/11/2024 17:32

I’m not waiting on a ceremony but when I mention us being in a relationship he says soon. Which I’m guessing means we are not…

and I don’t want to waste my time if he is not serious

Show quote history

I’d stop seeing him, he doesn’t take you seriously. Bet if you break up with him he’ll suddenly freak out as you’re his back up girl like I said.

JustinThyme · 27/11/2024 17:35

ohyesido · 27/11/2024 17:30

Either you're his girlfriend or you aren't. Are you waiting for some kind of ceremony?

Maybe he'll give her his fraternity pin, like in an American college boy from the 1950s. Or his class ring like high schoolers in the 60s. I'm sure Judy is wearing Johnny's ring in "It's My Party (And I'll Cry If I Want To)"

Christ I'm old. Can't the OP just bring up whether or not they are exclusive? Does it really need to wait for months until the bloke makes it official?

unclemtty · 27/11/2024 17:37

If you aren't teenagers then he's a prat and yes probably waiting for a 'better option' to come along.

Ditch him, there are guys who want committed relationships, find one of those instead.

ohyesido · 27/11/2024 17:38

I don't wish to be mean but if you're sleeping together, and doing the things couples do, why does he get to decide whether you're off or on or on or off or on?

Tell him you don't want to be an option and he's either your man or he's a dick