Friends only making contact when they want something

[Magicnestdream]

As per above really, in particular one good 'friend'. We go back to secondary school and have been close friends since. Now in our 40s friendship meet ups much less due to kids, work, and general life. When we have made plans, mainly Christmas or summer they (couple with 2 kids similar age) end up double booking or make additional plans which make then have to rush our plans so they're not late for the next thing, or change our plans we've made to accommodate a 'better offer' as I would call it...
Anyway not heard much from friends lately, odd message to which DD happy birthday kind of thing.
I am lucky enough to have family who works at a music venue and can get us, quite easily all sorts of tickets-music, sport and other. Not free but often it's just getting the availability. My friend in question has benefitted from this massively over the years, more recently she's been hard work as when I get tickets she's acted surprised how much they are (I just pass on list price and don't get involved with buying them) or then changes her mind how many tickets she wants and should she go afterall etc etc. For the record they're always good seats.
Anyway last sorted out some tickets back in September.
Thought it was odd at time as saw a message pop up with How's X and Y and then ..ohhhh can you help me get ....tickets! I did help with those. Nothing since until yesterday. Tells me late last night on way back from x venue, that reminds her can I get tickets for X next year because she can only find standing etc etc and they're too much...
At no point in any of the message is there a 'how are you' or how's the house move going (were trying to move) or hope you're well (got thru breast cancer a year or so ago) or did DD have a nice birthday (just last week)
So am I wrong to feel annoyed by the fact I'm only contacted when she wants something.
Do I, not respond , reply with 'unable to help' or 'unable to help and you're taking the ...".
I did wonder if she realised what's she doing (most probably) so how can I politely point it out in a matter of fact without too much conflict (which I don't do!)
Appreciate your thoughts. My natural way is to help people but actually realising it's a bit of a one way street and I need to be more assertive.
Plus too when she faffs about with changing her mind it takes up my time going back and forth changing details. And when popular tickets get realised I have spent considerable time on phone playing Ticketmaster!

If it's a WhatsApp, leave her on read.
If it's a text, ignore it.

God people so brass necked. I have a cousin only texts when she wants info. So now my replies are thumbs up or all good here thanksxx I dont like people like that that just use you

Sorry X doesn’t work there anymore so I can’t help.

Hows life?

While I am quite a direct person, I don't think I'd call her out directly. However, I thik she's taking the piss because it's a lot of effort on yoru part so, assuming that the initial request - 4 tickets on Tuessday the 9th at 7pm - is relatively low effort but the effort comes in with the back and forth, I would probably respond with something like, "let me know how many tickets and when and I'll pass it along and you can decide based on price and buy directly. I am really busy so I won't have time to organise changing tickets or amounts or anything."

It's a bit passive aggressive but I think a lot of fpeople like this genuinely have no idea how much effort this all takes.

As soon as I saw your name come up, I knew it would be wanting me to get tickets 🤣 not able to get tickets anymore. Hope you're all well!

Edited to remove the sorry.

@Magicnestdream - you deserve so much better. Sorry to hear about your "friend". I would go back with, "It's so nice to hear from you! It's been a busy and stressful time. As you know, we are trying to move house, and I'm gradually recovering after the breast cancer battle. On the bright side, we had a lovely birthday celebration with DD." I would not mention the tickets AT ALL!

If she still has the cheeky f*ckery to come back and mention the tickets after that then you can quite happily say, "No, I can't do that anymore" (no need to give an explanation), secure in the knowledge that you have highlighted her friendship failings appropriately.

Well done on getting through breast cancer. You sound amazing.

I would just reply "Oh Mike's changed roles and can't get tickets any more sadly". Then leave the rest up to her.

"X got a bit annoyed with all the backwards and forwards on all the other occasions he got tickets for you. I don't think he's prepared to do it again."

Or: ignore and see if she messages again with another request. She might soften it the second time with a, "And how are you??" Then answer that, and ignore ticket request.

Or, straightforward: "Hi Y, I feel like you only get in contact when you want me to get something for you, and don't actually show much interest in me as a friend. I wonder if you'd agree our friendship migjt have run its course?"
Or something similar. I don't think you say if she's always been a bit of a user, but if not, it's maybe worth being honest?

I would wait at least a week before replying if you are planning to say anything. I would say “I don’t arrange tickets anymore it’s just got to the point where that’s the only reason some people get in touch and I feel a bit used to be honest.”

@Zimunya Thankyou for your kind words. I've been very lucky and always grateful. I guess I always want to help people but often to my detriment. I do get more tired now so need to push back on a few things (esp when I'm being used!)

Oh, that is a good one for avoiding direct conflict. She can only really take offense by admitting that's what she's been doing.

I think that's probably quite useful if the OP is conflict-averse.

Horribly cheeky.

I would deliberately ignore the text.

When she texts again, I would answer with, oh I've been really busy with x,y, z going on and "forget" to address the ticket request.

Then, when she texts AGAIN about the tickets I would go quiet again. If she kept on I would say how tour contact can't help any more. I would enjoy this 😝

This!!

"Sorry, I can't get as many as I used to so only for close friends/family these days."

That would make your point, probably more grown up to ignore or just say "no, can't manage tickets"

Just tell her the system has changed and ticket numbers are being limted and difficult to get hold of as people have been abusing the system.

No, can't help, I can only get tickets for friends and family now

Then leave it at that. She's no friend and is using you.

I’m maybe a bit petty. I’d probably reply. ‘We’re all good here thanks, how are you?’ Without any mention of the tickets at all! She should squirm. It’s Nice and polite and she’ll have to send another message about the tickets which I think is a bit awkward no? 🤣🤣

sounds like this friendship is pretty much limited to messaging aside from the very very infrequent odd get together

I’d just say ‘hi! I’m fine thanks, thank you for asking. It always makes me feel like a valued friend when I am contacted regularly by someone who values me for more than what I can do for them :)’ then block the cheeky cow.

I'd either ignore this or reply "Can't help with tickets anymore". Doubt you'd hear from her again and I'd say that's fine - she's a CF user.

"Hi there, can't do that any more I'm afraid. How are you, by the way? Haven't heard from you since the last time you wanted tickets."

@andagain1 yes you're not wrong. And not through choice from my side. We used to meet up more regularly especially when kids were smaller, plus a few summer meet ups (camping and beach).and Christmas etc as well as dinner for us girls and drinks for the men. Plus a few joint traditions throughout the year. Over time as I mentioned theyre harder to make plans with, always booked up or waiting to know about something else first before committing , or moan about cost of whatever (although always ask for tickets!) and when we have made plans they've changed them... so it's definitely dropped down to odd messages. It's actually quite stressful trying to make plans as I know it will change last minute.
For example Christmas eve we used to do present swap for kids and they'd drop to us for drinks and minnce pies or vice versa...then gradually they used to run late or over commit and then just said one year " can't stop we'll just swap prezzie on door step" which to me was a bit sad! Point of Christmas is to be social but if you pack so much into it you run around and not actually enjoy any of it. Then last year they changed their plans so many times Christmas eve and kept messaging would we be in at this time or that time and could they pop round at 10pm (!) we had a busy day but had made time for them as planned but as they changed plans again they ended up leaving gifts on doorstep when we were out..you get the idea! Maybe the fact I can't be bothered so much anymore tells me what they bring to my life!
When we do meet up we get on but I never feel they're interested in me or what's going on in my life (they don't know it at the moment but I'm also going through a divorce which will be discussed with them next year but as you can appreciate tricky via text message!)

Either continue to ignore the messages or tell her straight out that she's overstepped.

I’d just forget to reply to that. Or reply in a week to the non ticket stuff and ignore the request.

definitely don’t put yourself out for her