What makes your partner lovely

[Winenot1]

Read a thread recently and noticed quite a few people saying their partners were lovely. Just wanted some examples or qualities of what makes your partner lovely? I think I'm in a pretty bad relationship and trying to gain some perspective that it's not normal so thinking these examples might help me!

It's the little things, so many of them. I've been in crap relationships so I really appreciate them now.

He always automatically considers me and my needs before arranging anything, eg booking restaurants, going to places.
He packed the seat cushion I use for my bad back into his hand luggage so that I would be comfortable on holiday and made sure there were plenty of rest stops.
He made sure there were trips to beaches most days when we went to Australia, even though these were not as important to him because I love them.
He checks what his mum is cooking for dinner if I'm coming with him for his weekly visit as I have a few dietary limitations.
He loves going to the cinema but I don't like all the genres he does so he will seek out films that we will both enjoy.

He makes me feel special every day.

Loving me for who I am. Even though we're different in many ways. Wanting the best for me. Wanting me to be healthy. Finding me funny, sometimes! Being loyal and faithful. Being tidy and organised. Being talented and passionate about his profession. But not boastful or vain. Despite being very physically attractive. Having the same or similar tastes as me in art, music, film, fashion etc. But not easily led by others.

Hes kind, empathic and gentle. He's emotionally intelligent. He is interested in my pleasure in bed and always makes sure I am satisfied (should be standard from all men but definitely isn't!) He cheers me up when I'm sad. He adores our dog and is so cute with her. He does silly faces/voices because he knows it makes me laugh. He tells me I'm beautiful/sexy/that I look nice. He's good at apologising if he's been grumpy 🤣

Fresh coffee and breakfast in bed every day, fills up the car the night before I need it, gets up early enough to scrap the windscreens when it’s icy, re-sorts bin contents for recycling without comment or complaint, is a wonderful son to his elderly father, takes the dog out every day even though he said he wouldn’t when we first got her, reads to me in bed, is wonderfully generous, loved by friends, fixes stuff and keeps a crowbar under the bed so he can go through walls if he needs to rescue the kids in case of a fire.

Not an exhaustive list but all this on top of the usual half the housework, shared finances, great sex, brilliant and funny partner I can 100% depend on to have my back in any situation

He's an absolute joy to spend time with. He's brilliant at listening and wants to make sure that he understands me. He helps me think through dilemmas without judgement. We have so many shared interests. Hanging out with him feels like a wonderful adventure. He's very imaginative and great in bed. He makes dinner, pots of tea and hot water bottles for me. He cares about me deeply and is always telling me how gorgeous I am!

Many things. Too many to list. But this weekend I was working until 3am, I came home to the spare room (sleep separately so he doesn't wake me in the morning) to find bed made with hot water bottle inside, light on, glass of water by the bed, and lavender spray on my pillow. It's the small things that show he cares and loves me, and thinks of me, even when I'm not there.

The few times we have argued when he has been really furious, he said "I love you, I need to go for a walk to calm down". That, to me, is lovely. Even when really mad, he put me first by leaving to calm down rather than saying words he would regret.

He tells me I am beautiful, whatever my size, and he fancies me whatever I am wearing e.g. even when in slobby clothes.

He is supportive of my career choices, even when they have made his life harder e.g. him having to do more than 50% of childcare.

He is genuinely interested in the minutae of our life together, e.g. conversations about nothing and everything, mutually obsessing over our children. He is active in our relationship, like he is ALL in, not just a performative parent.

He does housework and cooking. He is competent at everything he does and doesn't think me showing him how to do stuff is in any way insulting him, he sees me as his intellectual equal and treats me like one. He doesn't think he is the best at everything just because he is a man.

There's a lot to be honest. One of the biggest things for me is what an amazing father is he is to our children - they adore him and he isn't just a "fun" dad, he genuinely takes the responsibilities seriously and not just with the kids. He is aware and shares everything with me and a lot of this seems like the bare minimum, I know, but I still appreciate it!

He's also just generally lovely and kind. He's a good person at heart, and we were friends before dating, and he was always so genuinely good-hearted. We rarely have big blown up arguments - I can count the amount of times this has happened on one hand after 19 years of knowing each other. We have some disagreements but he understands my strong dislike of proper shouting and will always calm down and it will always be a genuine reasonable conversation. He refuses to say anything genuinely hurtful to me even though I have occasionally rarely let things slip sometimes and I regret them so deeply. He forgives me always and never bites back.

Little things like making me feel beautiful and always making me laugh and always, always having my support in everything. Even if I'm wrong, he won't blindly agree with me, but he'll make me understand and still show he understands.

I think for me, it's being totally honest with each other, our truest selves. Not having to put on a brave face if I've had a rubbish day, not having to put his needs before my own.

Day to day practicality, he does his fair share of housework. He knows presents are my love language so he buys random flowers and things to make me smile, he has a stash of them for days when I feel low.

He gives me a hug without me even realising I need one.
He always goes to give our 6 year old a sleep wee every night without waking me up. He praises our children when they play truly, truly awful music on their instruments! He is respectful to his parents, but (this has taken some work) he puts our family unit before them. We disagree on a lot of things, he makes me feel special for this, rather than that I am in the wrong. Like "ooh I never thought of it that way"

Cup of tea next to me when I wake up every morning, gentle, affectionate, tells me he loves me every day, best daddy to our baby and best step dad to our elder daughter I could wish for. Biggest green flag was when he said because we have girls he wants them to always compare their future partners to how they see him treating me ♥️

We can laugh through the bad times. He’s my biggest cheerleader. He even loves the shit bits about me.

This is such a lovely thread

I too have a lovely husband. It's the constant care, attention and respect, all the little things all the time. Never being mean or doing something that might hurt me. It's the teamwork. I can a hundred percent rely on him all the time. Makes me feel amazing, valued, liked and loved. And it's mutual.

When I'm ill he will strop at shop get my favourite bits, make me a hot water bottle and order in food all just as standard.
The other day I was strung out and he just ordered me to go have a few hours to myself.
He believes in me so much and will always check in with my emotions! He's brilliant with all the kids he adapts to each of their very different needs and personalities.

This thread should be provided to all new husbands and those in need of a steer.

My DH always considers my needs (autism plus health issues). He brings me a tea in the morning, will listen to me moan, supportive of my choices, listens to me when I raise issues, has taken over all cooking without complaint as I am unable to, always treats me respectfully.

I think at the moment it’s lots of little things

we have a small baby and a toddler - I tend to be in bed (am right now) feeding baby around now and once I get him in his cot I’m so shattered I just want to lie down myself

he brings me my 2 pints of cold water and my herbal tea (I get very thirsty during the night feeds) and he brings me my heated cushion every night after he gets the toddler down so I don’t have to get back up

brings me in my coffee before he goes to work

Does almost all the nursery runs even though its not super easy for him and involves an earlier start and I could do it as I’m home with the baby at the moment - but it makes my life so much easier not having to do it every day

takes both kids out every Sunday morning so I can have time to myself !!

I never have to sort anything IT/internet related. 😊
And he gives a good foot rub (with only a few grumbles).

I think you can get many ideas on what makes someone lovely but the key aspect is lack of abusive or negative behaviours. Someone can make you all the cups of tea, buy you lovely gifts on a whim or do 50% of childcare and be an amazing dad but if they’re also controlling or not equal with finances or sometimes gaslight you or call you names then all the tea and gifts in the world can’t make up for that. It’s so easy to throw out compliments or give a few gifts. To be consistently kind and generous is the key.

He thinks of me when I am not there - notices things I like or need and gets them when he's out shopping. If he's going to be late, or has to cancel an arrangement, he tells me straight away and is apologetic. He's never passive aggressive or resentful; if something bothers him, he is open about it and we discuss it sensibly. If he's grumpy he'll always apologise. He expresses his feelings and knows how I'm feeling, or asks. He listens to what I say and takes it seriously.
He knows I like to go out dancing or to music events, and he doesn't just go along with me - he's properly enthusiastic about it. He has his own interests and passions and shares them with me. He enjoys making me laugh.
He cooks and cleans like an adult, makes me coffee in the morning. He bought a bed for my dog at his place. He's not a dog person particularly, but I often hear him talking to the dog in another room. He'll go out of his way to help me if I need help. He has his daughter 50/50. Helps her with school, goes shopping with her, knows her friends. He's self-deprecating and doesn't make a big deal out of anything.

I'm looking at this slightly differently and am going to start with: he's a workaholic, anally tidy, a perfectionist, likes his own way and is pretty stubborn and sometimes selfish. But he's:

Loyal
Kind
Trustworthy
Moral
Appreciative

Every night before he goes to sleep he reaches for my hand and tells me he loves me and every morning when he wakes up, does the same.

I have never ever been worried about telling him something or about having done something wrong although I have hidden the Christmas presents I've bought so far because he thinks it happens like magic on Christmas Eve.

Many things as pp says,

We are truly best friends, he makes my life easier when he's home (he works away) but even when he's away we speak every day and somehow still makes my life easier,

We do lots of things together, happy staying in watching tv/movies, we game together. And when we go out we are both the last ones standing,

He's funny, kind, considerate, and I still think he's gorgeous! We got married 9 weeks ago after 4 years together. I've been in some truly god awful relationships and it was hard to accept a good one at first but he was very reassuring and patient with me trying to push him away and that always stays with me, he's taken on my two children and grandchild like they are his own too ❤️

He makes me feel loved and appreciated every day. He's a loving, hands on father and helps out around the house. He is a good listener. He will drop everything to help me when I ask. He's considerate of my feelings and checks in with me before he makes any plans (even though in the 12 years we have been together, I've never once said no you can't do such and such). He's patient when I'm being moody and tries to cheer me. He's just wonderful.

Crying at all of these. What a wonderful thread.

This thread makes me both happy and sad. Happy for everyone here, sad thinking I haven’t experienced this and no idea if I ever will, or where to be for it to happen for me. But there is hope.

My DP is absolutely wonderful.
Nothing is too much trouble for him when it comes to me and our children - he goes above and beyond constantly.
He is also my biggest cheerleader in everything I do. He is the kindest man I have ever met in my life and an incredible step father
Doesnt hurt that he’s great in bed too!

(still gets on my last nerve sometimes though 🤣)