What makes your partner lovely

[Winenot1]

Read a thread recently and noticed quite a few people saying their partners were lovely. Just wanted some examples or qualities of what makes your partner lovely? I think I'm in a pretty bad relationship and trying to gain some perspective that it's not normal so thinking these examples might help me!

He brings me a cup of tea every morning before he leaves for work.

He warms muy pyjamas on the radiator.

27yrs ago he decided that I would have a lie in on a Sunday and breakfast in bed because I’d been up with the children all week. I still get this, even though the children have left home and we’re grandparents.

I don’t work, for health reasons, he doesn’t care how much money I spend as long as we don’t go into debt, As far as he’s concerned it’s our money, our house and our things,

All the little things - he's thoughtful, patient, so funny, tells great stories, listens to mine, remembers the details and asks about the people involved at later dates, does small things like turn my car around/clear the windscreen without fuss, locks up the house at night (something neither of my XHs did)...the list is endless.

He spent hours talking to my old dad (they were/are both police officers) before dad died- genuinely interested in him and his stories of the old days.

Even after 8 years, still looks at me as if I'm the sexiest, most amazing woman on the planet.

Takes me on impromptu trips out. He's my best friend and my biggest cheerleader.

And even though he wasn't accustomed to holding hands with his XW, still makes a point of holding mine when out and about, because he knows how much I love it.

(Plus he's super hot 😁)

He can and does irritate the hell out of me sometimes (he snores and I call him The Procrastinator General) but his many good qualities far outweigh the minor negatives.

Every morning when I get up, if he's at work, my cafetiere will have coffee in next to the kettle. My mug will have milk ready.

He rarely buys me flowers, but often comes home with my favourite sweets or a random pasty from my favourite bakers.

He never complains about anything I want to do/go to with friends...although this may have more to do in his poor musical taste!! I go to quite a bit of live music, which is not his thing.

He gives me space and realises we like different things. We do not need to be joined at the hip

Took me until age 47 to experience it. I thought he was just a fun fling :)

How did you meet? I’m very newly single post calling off an engagement to a man very much the opposite of all of these lovely ones, so maybe I’m a tad pessimistic x

He's kind and gentle to me and the dc. He works hard and tries his best to do as much as he can for us.
I know he's always there for me. He makes me laugh every day and we just get each other. Thirty years we've been a pair and he's still my favourite person to do things with. Of course we've had arguments and bad patches over the years. I think everyone does. We enjoy the same things, have the same values and priorities. We have a laugh together and have also cried together. He's just a kind good person who i love and respect and who feels the same towards me. I'd be utterly lost without him.

He is just the kindest and nicest man I've ever met. He makes me laugh every day and his positive attitude really helps bring out all my best bits too. We have been together almost 6 years and he has never once raised his voice at me, called me a name, never gets passive aggressive or grumpy with me etc...I honestly don't think he could. We have loads of physical affection and he makes me feel like I'm beautiful every day even when I am a mess! I love that even though he's a responsible grown up with a great job, he is still so in touch with his inner child, I love seeing him get excited about playing a new video game (the nice ones with no guns/violence) and he always wants to tell me about it. He is my best friend and the only person I could imagine spending every day with for the rest of my life.

The much-maligned OLD!
Sounds like you had a narrow escape. Hope your experience helps you recognise someone decent faster.

never doubts me as a wife or mother

With me, it involved me doing a lot of work on myself first in order to find a kind, lovely man attractive. Until I had developed my own self worth and confidence, I was only attracted to men who were horrible towards me/bad communicators. Before my self worth was there, I found lovely men boring/clingy/"too nice" if that makes sense, whereas once I realised I was worthy of being loved by someone lovely, I started finding geekier men attractive and seeking out different qualities to mystery/raw sex appeal. I started valuing people who made me laugh, who were considerate and interesting conversationalists, with hobbies/interests that expanded my world view rather than shrank it into the insecurity cycle of "does he like me/doesn't he like me".

Sorry that's not practical in terms of where to look, but it is in terms of working on yourself.

He’s kind, we’ve actually never had a row, he always keeps me in mind, I literally couldn’t imagine him saying anything nasty to me. The little things like wanting to make me cups of tea or cook me dinner or treat me. He’s affectionate, great hugs. The way he talks about our future together. How he senses when I’m upset and comforts me. He is just a lovely bloke

Takes care of things I don't enjoy (mostly car related). Is always clean. Has always found me very attractive even at my least attractive times, and made that very clear. Looks after me and takes over from me when I'm ill. Brings me coffee when I'm working from home. I hope you find your own 'mr nice' op.

Thank you, definitely a learning curve. I love this for you though.

Totally and without compromise devoted to our kids. His whole being evolves around their happiness and wellbeing. He is an AWSOME dad.

He is very family oriented, loves our life and works hard.

He gives me space to do whatever I want to do. Completely supports my work life, I work long hours, go away a lot, work hard and expects nothing of me when I’m home.
He does about 70% of the household things. I do my bit when home but know it’s all taken care of.

Couldn’t do any of this grown up life thing without him.

My DH is considerate of me. He'll make me a tea, get me a plate of food when I'm busy at an event, arrange to go to events he thinks I'll like. We are a bit stressed looking after toddlers with no help so we do fight but it's always constructive with no name-calling etc. He's good with our kids and dogs.

He prefers spending time with me over absolutely everything else
he loves my dog
he bring me tea in bed every morning
we take turns to buy and cook supper, no questions
he brings me a cup of tea when I run my bath
he doesn’t even like tea!
he always holds my hand when we watch telly
he answers my texts immediately, always
he silently hands me chocolate when I’m stressed with work
he is bloody amazing in bed
he would love to be my children’s dad even though he knows he can’t be
he is just unfailingly lovely

We laugh… A LOT!
Same SOH, we gently rib each other.

I think of him, but he thinks of me too. After 24 years of marriage to the polar opposite, I’m lapping it up.

Thank you and not at all, this is really useful. I know I need to grow and work on my own esteem as you’ve mentioned, because I tend to fall head over heels for guys who shower me initially but end up being awful in the end. Maybe it really is about the little, wholesome things xx

He’s respectful, kind, thoughtful and generous in every way. He works hard for us all. He can be a dick occasionally but can’t we all, but he does his best. And that’s all you can ever want, for someone to be their best person for you. He is my best friend.

Agree with your quote. You have to consider yourself and your own needs if you want someone to consider you. Keep working at it x

Too many to list! I'll try...

He is kind.
He is generous.
He is caring.
He loves giving, as in doing things for me just to make me happy, with no expectation of receiving anything in return. For example, he knows I love head massages so he will massage my head for hours wioth no expectation of his getting a massage or sex back (I was completely not used to that in men!).
He is patient, which is great because I am impatient.
He is great at giving feedback, not only positive but also constructive one. I learn from him because I am usually too emotional and direct, and as a result I am not good at giving constructive feedback without getting defensive responses.
He takes what I tell him at face value, as in he is not defensive, he does not answer with "well you do that too!" and he genuinely listens and wants to improve.
He is really affectionate.
He is independent, happy to live by himself and able to cook, clean and do stuff around the house.
He treats me with utmost respect. No shouting, no name calling, in fact we have never had a fight so far (only together for 1 year 5 months mind you). We can disagree respectfully.
He is caring and loyal to his family, who adore him.
He has no qualms to help a relative or friend financially or with actions when they need to. He is not tight-fisted despite making a great salary working very hard.
He gives me space when I need it.
He is reliable and makes an effort to do what he says he will do.
He has values I admire, including in matters we disagree on. We may disagree in a technicality, but I cannot fault him on his morals.
He is open to changing his mind about anything and will listen to all sides.
He never says anything bad about previous partners. This for me is a massive green flag.
He is not jealous or controlling in the slightest. He does not care how many men I have slept with, or that I have good male friends I spend time with on my own, or that I keep in touch with previous partners, even with FWBs. He loves that I have friends of both sexes and that I have a separate life from him, but also loves to be included when appropriate.
He doesn't smoke, drink or gamble.
He doesn't have any extreme hubby that takes most of his free time.
He prioritises me in any decision.

Enough for now, there is more but I think this gives the gist of it. I know I've striken gold with him and I seriously think I wouldn't bother to keep looking if this relationship did not work.

*hobby, not hubby! He doesn't have any extreme hubby either thank goodness 😂

He's not demonstrative or romantic but I know he loves me. We don't say it very often, but I feel it and I know it. He looks at me sometimes out of the corner of his eyes in a way that makes my tummy flutter. He's tall and capable, I'm short and not. He balances that out in little ways that make my life easier, like changing the duvet cover. He does practical things that I can't. He's a great cook. Oh and he's gorgeous too. Every time I see him I feel so lucky that we found each other and that he loves (and fancies) me.

So many nice responses, thanks all. Really shining a light on what I'm missing out on!

Yes, this is a lovely thread. Gives me hope that there are some decent men out there.