DH wants shotgun on weekends...

[Meepspeeps]

Hi everyone, I'm new to Mumsnet. My DH works from home and I'm currently a SAHM to two boys at almost 3 year old and a 10 month old. My DH likes to have the odd weekend to stay over at his parents alone or to see friends in London. I look after the kids alone which I am happy to do. I see friends when I can too, but my social life is less than his. He has no upcoming plans so I asked if he would mind if I see my mum next Saturday or Sunday for a few hours child free to do some Xmas shopping and lunch. Usually when I see her it's with the kids and we don't get a chance to chat properly! She is 76 so and my dad has passed away so I want to have time with her when I can. DH had a moan at me that he wants the next two weekends 'kept free' in case he chooses to go out! And he he works all week why should he then have to do childcare at the weekends. I did say I can move my plans if he gets an offer to go out as I know those opportunities don't always come up. I feel he was unreasonable to speak to me like that. Any thoughts? I feel like a prisoner being told I can't go out if I want too. If he has no plans why can't I make any?

Schrödinger's childcare. Easy when a woman does it all week, magically hard when a man does it for one weekend day.

LTB.

Even if he doesn’t believe that it is work… by his argument you look after the children all week, why should you do it at the weekend?!

Why on earth did you have kids with this man?

This is really not normal. DP is DD’s stepdad and when she was younger if I had a plan he’d look after her and he’s not even her biological dad. You need to have a serious talk about that.

Urgh what an ass! And you sleep with this guy?

You need to put your foot down and make it clear that you need as much time to yourself as he does, get your schedule on the calendar and stick to it.

He's a total arsehole.

I wouldn't have anymore children with him, arrange childcare to cover your Mum visit and make yourself able to return to work asap when the children are ready. Increase your independence quick smart.

If you can work, I would then he can't say I work so I need x

So sick of men like this, we should not be procreating with these ones, let them and their line die out.

If what you do all week is so easy and definitely not work then he can manage it for a few hours while you see your mum, can't he?

How bloody dare he!
Why are you not furious?

He should have to do childcare because he chose to have children.

You want to make a plan, and he's saying no incase he's able to make a plan. And that a plan he might have is more important than one you do have.

His wage doesn't make you the help. Tbh I think its weird he visits family without you and your children. I understand you saying you dad's gone and you want a quality lunch with your mum but all these whole weekends to himself with friends or familt sound like he's happy to live like a single man benefiting from you just providing a convenient family.

You sound like a child you need to woman up and tell him he's having the kids and tough shit. He will be spending the day with his own children.

She's even willing to move it in case his buddies want to meet up. She needs to get the fan and grapes and fan him while feeding him at the same time. He's golden bollocks.

He’s one of those men who expect their life to not change when they have kids, and think they can carry on with their existing social life, and that their partner can pick up the slack. He sounds delightful!! Parenting 2 young kids is hard work, and relentless, how dare he says HE works hard. What about you OP?! I’m furious on your behalf. You have to nip this selfishness in the bud, as it will just get worse. Does he help out with the kids after work? I remember when my dh came home after being at work when dd was a toddler, and he straight away cuddled and fussed over her while I could get other stuff done, because it’s his child and his wanted to spend time with her, we parented as a team.

He wfh so doesn't have the extra stress of commuting and dealing with real interaction, while you are looking after 2 young DC, most likely taking them out etc.

Like others have said, selfish and unfair. Does he do parenting on an evening? Weekdays should be fair, you need to do things in your own as eell, especially with your Mum. He needs a big reality check. Xx

childcare at the weekend......otherwise known as being a dad.

You work all week. It's not paid work, but it's work all the same.

You and he are equally parents, and he doesn't get to opt out of parenting because his week of work is currently paid work.

If he's moaning about taking care of his own children but at the same time saying he's the only one who works all week, ask him to spot the logic fail there. Either taking care of children is work that precludes other activities, or it's non work and doesn't stop you from other activities. He can't have it both ways.

He's taking the piss and getting notions about himself because of that paycheque. It's a very disrespectful and selfish attitude. Don't let him get away with treating you badly.

Make your plans and stick to them.

Completely unfair! You both work in the week - either looking after DC or in a job. At weekends you should share chores, childcare, whatever - and in due course - taking DC to parties and clubs.

You should both be able to have free time at weekends while the other looks after DC. Equal measures, if either could be bothered to monitor that, but it should just be a given.

Stop letting him take the mickey - or leave him if he wouldn't be prepared to discuss this reasonably. Good luck!

Yes to this.

Sorry to ask this, but those regular alone trips to see his parents or friends, is that really what he's doing? Don't his parents want to see their grandkids?

You are a SAHP.
Your ‘job’ is 9-5 weekdays. I would push it to 6-6 out of gratitude that he works so I can stay at home with the kids.

But evenings and weekends you are not a SAHP.
You are just a parent, exactly like he is when he is not at work.

You should have equal time off and I would be telling him that that weekend you’ve made plans and he needs to have the kids.

He can have the weekend after.

He's not much of a father, is he?

Or husband for that matter.

Hi OP, I cant believe what I've read. He sounds like an absent father and husband. Please go back to work when you can, this is so unfair on you. I wanted to ask when he goes to see his parents for the weekend, don't they want to see the kids aswell? I cant imagine my ILs would be pleased with my DH going there minus the kids

Wow, I’m shocked you think that too for him to treat you like this, leave him, he’s a nasty selfish sexist pig.