Is he gay? Or trans? Or just a submissive?

[Distresserlla]

Please be kind.
I've been with my DP for 4 years now, we have a beautiful 5 year old son.
About a year ago he told me that he used to enjoy cross dressing in private, he would dress up as a woman and watch "sissy porn". He used to date a trans woman before me, which I knew but I put it down to youthfull experimentation and recently things in the bedroom have become very different, involving pegging.
Is he gay? Or trans or just kinky?
When I read it all like this is seems obvious. I know people are going to think I'm stupid but I guess I've been blinded by love. I've been trying to be supportive and even going along with things in the bedroom because I don't want to hurt him or shame him but honestly I think it's ruined any kind of sexual attraction for me. Have I been a mug and made a family with a man who doesn't even want to be a man/with women? He said he isn't gay or trans but he seems to have a lot of shame about it and I think denial.
I guess I need unbiased opinions on what to do, bare in mind our child is a huge factor for me and breaking up his home is the last thing I want to do.

It doesn't matter if it changes anything or not, it's no different than when someone finds out someone is cheating and they want to find out how far the betrayal went and what they were doing.
The details often matter to the betrayed person and they feel that they need them...whether they change anything or not. Many want as full a picture as possible.
But whenever it's something to do with a mans sexuality women are always told it doesn't matter and it's not relevant!!

She is also allowed to have anger if she has been betrayed and that's an important part of the processing and of the healing process for many but women with gay or trans partners are often made to feel like they shouldn't be allowed to feel that important feeling.

It doesn't mean that they can't go on to amicably co-parent if she has a period of anger. Many couples who go on to amicably co-parent will indeed have had a period of anger whether that's in one direction or both way and then processed that and then went on to be amicable.

We are 'judging' because the OP needs to be cautious. She could accept that part of him and be happy for the relationship to continue only for it to escalate further and end further down the line. OP needs to weigh up the risks here and see if she wants to risk wasting more years of her life with someone who may come out as trans later on.

How is it positive when unlike you, she doesn’t enjoy it? That fact doesn’t even seem to cross your mind.

You might want to look at Emma Thomas's website, which gathers stories of children of men who think they're women.

https://childrenoftransitioners.org/

It can become quite an abusive situation, as men in the thralls of transition can become very self-centred.

So you wouldn't be putting your happiness above that of your child - you'd also be thinking of your child.