Staring, does he fancy me or am I reading into it too much?

[Crushingat30]

I have an almighty crush on this bloke, think teenage girl level of crush 😂

When we've interacted I felt a bit of chemistry but also got the impression he felt a bit shy and awkward.

I've been psyching myself up to 'say something' to him as I want to find out if he's seeing anyone at the minute but feel a bit awkward myself.

I knew I was likely to bump into him today so I made an extra effort with my appearance and looked quite nice if I do say so myself.

When he clocked me as we were about to cross paths he was definitely staring, i'd even say gazing. I made a lighthearted comment "are you OK? You're staring right through me" with a big smile and a laugh, to which he replied "erh uhm I'm sorry, I didnt see you there"

He was staring right at my face 😂

I clocked him looking back in my direction after I'd passed on but he just as easily could have been checking if the bus was coming.

So, would you take that as a sign of him finding me attractive / being interested or would you think he was just in a world of his own and I'm deluded because I want to jump his bones?

He probably thinks you're attractive. Then again, you might have had a raging bogey hanging out of your nose, or he might have been intensely thinking about that fucking spreadsheet that needs to be finished by the 7th.
The signs suggest the former, and you were going to say something anyway, so do that. Of course give it extra consideration if this is in the context of the workplace.

Uh. I’d say he was attracted but you kind of cut him down with that comment, that was a pretty weird thing to say to him. Sounded like you were making fun of him / confronting him a bit.

I've been second guessing my comment too 🤦🏼‍♀️

It could be interpreted as a bit passive aggressive couldn't it?

It was my very crap attempt at flirting, as if to say 'I've noticed you noticing me'

Gah I'm terrible at this.

We don't work together but do live close-ish together and take the same route home.

He's friendly with the father of my children which might add a layer of complexity. I don't think he would approach me without being certain I'm interested for that reason.

Dunno, maybe because this is the relationships board? This is the only one I've started personally.

I'm not sure why you're swearing at me either?

What the fuck? How charming. 😂

OP, wouldn't worry too much about the comment.

Strange that wasn't it. Took me back a bit 🤣

RE the bloke.. how would you handle the next interaction? It feels a bit 'coming on strong' to just ask "are you single?" and I'll feel like a prat if he says no 🤔

Just smile and say hello. Ask him about his day or just some light chit chat, not need to go straight in there with partnership enquiries that can scare them off. Is tehre some rush on this?

Staring in body languages can mean all sorts of things, you need to look at how his whole body is when he is staring and even then it can be hard to tell.

No particular rush, just the fact I've felt like this for months and want to know if it's mutual or whether I should park it iykwim?

I'm fairly sure he wouldn't be the one to initiate, only for the reason he's friendly with my ex and wouldn't want any awkwardness if I reported back that he'd tried to chat me up or something 😁

I tend to stare at something but not see it, one BF said he always felt like I was reading his thoughts when I hadn't even registered him being uncomfortable ... poor chap.

Do you have any conversations with this man? Or is he just standing away and staring at present? Does he seek you out, do you find him places near you where he needn't be. Does he preen slightly, i.e. run his fingers though his hair, check his beard or chin if clean shaven, pull at his clothes, touch his lips.

We've had conversations before but I was with my ex at that point (who he knows and gets along with) so it was just polite chat as part of a group. We did get along well.

That was last year.

The crush has developed in recent months as we'd regularly bump into each other on the same bus a couple of times a week.

It's always "hello, you alright? Good weekend?" but never anything more than that and I get the impression he feels a bit shy and awkward speaking to me 1-1 as opposed to when we met before.

If it's been months and you are still at the hello how are you good weekend stage, it's probably not a goer.

He might like you but he needs to give you some indication of that so you and/or he can make a move to grab a coffee or take a walk etc, something more than a passing meeting. If he hasn't by now then the relationship is going to be hard work and might even grind you down.

After months of liking you and knowing you split from your ex he isn't going to be all that worried about what his friend/your ex thinks.

Sorry it does sound like he likes you but maybe not enough or in that same way as you like him.

At this point it won't hurt to ask him for a coffee or a walk or something simple and easy, after all he can only say no, but do be prepared for that no

(from a man's perspective for what that's worth here) I think he definitely fancies you but is afraid to be rejected, plus the issue with the ex probably compounds this. By the sounds of this if you asked him out he would accept

Get your ex to give him your number and the green light to take you out? (Only half joking)

There's no harm in asking him @Crushingat30

Some good points raised here and things to think about thank you!

I was debating with myself whether he even knew we had broken up. My ex doesn't have social media and he doesn't see him that often at all, think friendly acquaintance as opposed to an established friend, but I think that really is a stretch and deluding myself isn't it? 🤣

If I were him and I were in any doubt I'd probably say something like, how's John?

What’s the context you know him in/ do you have predictable regular contact?

I probably wouldn’t ‘say something’ right away. I would however find a situation to strike up a proper conversation and get to know him a bit.

I see him on certain days every week without fail as we have a similar route home from work (I get two busses and he's usually on/waiting for the second one). He lives fairly close.

I agree it does seem logical for me to try and spark up a bit more of a conversation before blurting out "are you single?" 😁

Well. Why not sit next to him/ near him on the bus and start chatting?

Depending what generation you are, a social media follow/ add could also be a conversation starter, especially if he’s shy in person.

I think I will, thank you 🙂

We're both early 30's.

You've actually just reminded me of something. I mentioned Facebook to him at one point (intending to look him up and send a request) but he said he doesn't bother with social media these days.

It occurred at the time that might have been a brush off but I don't think he actually twigged on to why I was mentioning it.

I looked anyway and no sign of him on there 😬

I can't believe I'm typing this ...

Cold, innit? I know it's quite warm for November, but it's starting to feel like winter.

How've you been lately? We always seem to be passing, but never really get a chance to chat.

Would you like one of these cakes / KitKats / apples? I got too many.

Can I get your number? I'd love to meet up for a coffee or something.

I'd just try to get a conversation going about basically anything and see if he contributes. If it's going well you can follow it with a "we should hang out/grab a coffee sometime" and see how he responds. That way you're letting him know you're interested without actually asking him out (no yes or no required)

If he doesn't do anything about it then, or give any affirmation that he would want to meet up, then it's probably a dead end

You posters make it sound so easy 😂

It should be though shouldn't it?

Thank you. I'll give my head a wobble and talk to him properly on Thursday when I see him.

I'm neurodiverse and have a tendency to over think how I come across so I've been reluctant to properly put myself out there as the idea of doing so and then being rejected mortifies (I have ADHD and get RSD big time) 😶