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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Staring, does he fancy me or am I reading into it too much?

99 replies

Crushingat30 · 05/11/2024 17:52

I have an almighty crush on this bloke, think teenage girl level of crush 😂

When we've interacted I felt a bit of chemistry but also got the impression he felt a bit shy and awkward.

I've been psyching myself up to 'say something' to him as I want to find out if he's seeing anyone at the minute but feel a bit awkward myself.

I knew I was likely to bump into him today so I made an extra effort with my appearance and looked quite nice if I do say so myself.

When he clocked me as we were about to cross paths he was definitely staring, i'd even say gazing. I made a lighthearted comment "are you OK? You're staring right through me" with a big smile and a laugh, to which he replied "erh uhm I'm sorry, I didnt see you there"

He was staring right at my face 😂

I clocked him looking back in my direction after I'd passed on but he just as easily could have been checking if the bus was coming.

So, would you take that as a sign of him finding me attractive / being interested or would you think he was just in a world of his own and I'm deluded because I want to jump his bones?

OP posts:
Crushingat30 · 11/11/2024 08:50

I'm pleased I called him out on his behaviour and have the opportunity to leave him on read myself. It helps me feel better 😂

OP posts:
WellHelloScottie · 11/11/2024 09:01

It's funny you should mention a partner as that's what my gut was telling me yesterday

This is why he's been chatting to you all this time, but not actually asked you out. Probably really fancies you, but has a partner. Seeing as you asked him, he can ease his conscience with the being unfaithful. Then dates changed and probably harder to explain to partner .

I think you should block him now. It's such blatant rubbish. If he's saying he locked himself out without his phone, he wouldn't have been able to view all your updates.

Since he was able to view updates, he was able to message you.

He's just a liar and you need to move on, anything else will just end up awful for you.

RunningOutOfImaginitiveUsernames · 11/11/2024 09:13

You don't get notified about stories on whatsapp. Well, at least I never get any about my daughter and she updates hers almost daily!

So sorry to hear your update. What was his excuse for yesterday if today it was being locked out the house? What a stupid excuse anyway.

At least you found out now!

YRGAM · 11/11/2024 09:31

Absolutely ridiculous behaviour from him! You're right to cut off and move on, but what a shame he turned out to be like that

5128gap · 11/11/2024 09:42

Edit after update

Crushingat30 · 11/11/2024 11:12

He was asking me to call him after my last post so he can express how sincere he supposedly is but I haven't and won't.

Hopefully if there is a girlfriend she's picked up on some weird vibes.

Men are trash aren't they 😩

OP posts:
ThianWinter · 11/11/2024 11:28

It sounds as if your crush has well and truly worn off!

MarkingBad · 11/11/2024 17:22

I's so sorry @Crushingat30

So basically if you hadn't sent him that message this morning he still wouldn't have contacted you?

Crushingat30 · 11/11/2024 18:04

The crush has definitely gone. He has killed it stone dead.

I don't think he would have messaged me today if I hadn't gave him a piece of my mind this morning no. Cowardly isn't it?

OP posts:
MarkingBad · 11/11/2024 18:11

It is, but you gained and he lost out big time.

TBH he did you a favour but it doesn't make it feel better.

Arlanymor · 11/11/2024 18:24

Ugh poor you, it’s so unnecessary isn’t it? You muster your courage to make the first move - when he could just as have easily said: “Thanks but no thanks” and not strung you along. That said, I actually locked myself out of my house a few years back and it DID coincide with a date I had agreed to go on. But I texted the chap to let him know. In fact it ended up being quite funny as he was trying to be gallant and offered to help, but I’d already been down the local rugby club to borrow a ladder and ended up also borrowing two strong boys to help me!

If it helps, I also have a very silly crush on someone who I think is just lovely and I was really looking forward to seeing him this week at an event I’m running. Friends were saying that I should use the opportunity to ask him for a coffee or something at the event. But I just decided to rip the bandaid off and sent him an email saying that I had a bit of a thing for him and just wanted to let him know. That was TWO weeks ago, he didn’t even reply to say: “That’s nice but I’m not feeling it.” So now instead of being excited to see him on Wednesday I am going to have to paint on the biggest, brightest smile and pretend that all is fine. No one to blame but myself of course, I just took a chance and it didn’t pay off. Luckily we only have to see each other twice a year!

beeeeeeez · 11/11/2024 18:49

If it's any consolation you have handled it very maturely.

Sorry he was a knob!

Freethebees · 11/11/2024 19:00

Strange chap and yes he's talking a load of waffle. Ghosted Sunday then all over you when he realises you're not a fool. He's blown it.

Crushingat30 · 13/11/2024 17:22

Arlanymor · 11/11/2024 18:24

Ugh poor you, it’s so unnecessary isn’t it? You muster your courage to make the first move - when he could just as have easily said: “Thanks but no thanks” and not strung you along. That said, I actually locked myself out of my house a few years back and it DID coincide with a date I had agreed to go on. But I texted the chap to let him know. In fact it ended up being quite funny as he was trying to be gallant and offered to help, but I’d already been down the local rugby club to borrow a ladder and ended up also borrowing two strong boys to help me!

If it helps, I also have a very silly crush on someone who I think is just lovely and I was really looking forward to seeing him this week at an event I’m running. Friends were saying that I should use the opportunity to ask him for a coffee or something at the event. But I just decided to rip the bandaid off and sent him an email saying that I had a bit of a thing for him and just wanted to let him know. That was TWO weeks ago, he didn’t even reply to say: “That’s nice but I’m not feeling it.” So now instead of being excited to see him on Wednesday I am going to have to paint on the biggest, brightest smile and pretend that all is fine. No one to blame but myself of course, I just took a chance and it didn’t pay off. Luckily we only have to see each other twice a year!

Oh bless you (in a totally not patronising way) that must feel so awkward. How did it go at the event? Did you speak?

I wonder if there's a chance he didn't actually see your email. I've had emails end up in the spam folder, which I virtually never check.

It's very rude of him to not reply otherwise. If anything, he has made it more awkward!

Bloody men. Can't even bother their arses to be semi decent folk half the time.

OP posts:
justsaxy · 13/11/2024 18:47

Ugh. What a knob.

Arlanymor · 17/11/2024 09:07

Crushingat30 · 13/11/2024 17:22

Oh bless you (in a totally not patronising way) that must feel so awkward. How did it go at the event? Did you speak?

I wonder if there's a chance he didn't actually see your email. I've had emails end up in the spam folder, which I virtually never check.

It's very rude of him to not reply otherwise. If anything, he has made it more awkward!

Bloody men. Can't even bother their arses to be semi decent folk half the time.

Aww thanks so much for asking, that’s really sweet of you. I’m honestly touched.

Do you really want to know…? Ok, so Jackanory time!

So… event went brilliantly. I was the one registering people, so when he showed up (looking gorgeous and amazing and cute and lovely) I went bright red and sweated for about 15 seconds but signed him in, was chatty, all normal(ish), all fine. He was nice as he always is. Literally like nothing had happened. We had a social in the evening and I was walking some guests from the hotel to the pub and was waiting in the foyer, when he came over with the two people from his organisation and asked about the route. I said: “You’re welcome to walk with us!” So we all walked over together as a group and he was saying something about his work and I remember thinking: It’s great that this is so normal, but really NOT A WORD about my email? Even now? In the evening?!

And the next day he gave a presentation (about his charity work - he’s genuinely an amazing human) and I was in the front row and he kept making eye contact (he was so nervous, love him, his hands were shaking, so I don’t think he was looking at me for me, but because I’m a good active listener - I literally went on a course about how to do it!) and when he left he came over and said: “Thanks for a brilliant event Arlanymor, I’ve so many ideas for my organisation and met so many great people. See you later.” So that was nice that he did that, but on the drive home I was thinking: NOT A WORD?! (And put on lots of The Cure songs on the 4.5 hour drive home to match my mood!)

Then an email popped into my inbox on Friday - event ended on Thursday - and I thought… this MUST be it! We’ve been away for two days he was sizing me up, working out how he felt, ok that’s fair enough…. Even if he says thanks but no thanks, that’s fine. I read the emaIl, he was thanking me for the event and… submitted his expenses claim.

Nothing more. NOT A WORD?!

UGH. UGH. UGH. UGH. UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

So I went into my emails (I emailed from my personal account) to delete the message I sent to him, as it’s gmail and otherwise it would come up forevermore if I searched for something even vaguely tangential.

And I had accidentally put an ‘x’ (a misplaced kiss?!) in the middle of his email address. I don’t know why I didn’t see it at the time or check it before. But basically I spent two days thinking (and acting as if) he had received an email when he hadn’t! (Like you said about spam, but was actually me being a complete dumbass, sausage-fingered moron).

UGH. UGH. UGH. UGH. UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

So I did nothing about it and met up with some friends from my writing group yesterday and towards the end three of us went for a glass of wine. I am 45 and the other two are retired, very retired, they are in their 70s. The whole sorry saga came out and I said: “Ah well, probably for the best, maybe the universe is trying to tell me something.” And they both said: “NO! Forward him the original email and say ‘Whoops!’ If nothing else it is funny and you probably were acting weird even if you didn’t think you were!” Then I got a lecture about nothing ventured, nothing gained… it honestly felt like they were preparing me to go to war… and so, under the pressure of two septuagenarians, I did as they said.

I forwarded it with a message that said: ‘Oh… I was labouring under the impression that you received this before the event this week. I didn’t realise that I made a mistake in your email address. Just saw it now. I am truly an idiot. Not sure what to say really - but if worst comes to worst I don’t have to face you for another six months, by which time my embarrassment will have hopefully died down!’

That was last night and he’ll see it tomorrow in work I guess. I weirdly feel much calmer about this latest email than the original one!

Sorry for the lengthy derail, but couldn’t really have explained it in fewer words! And thanks again for asking, that was really sweet of you.

waterfalls123 · 17/11/2024 09:59

@Arlanymor now you are going to have to come back tomorrow and tell us again how he responds 😂

Arlanymor · 17/11/2024 10:30

waterfalls123 · 17/11/2024 09:59

@Arlanymor now you are going to have to come back tomorrow and tell us again how he responds 😂

Can you imagine if he doesn't reply tomorrow?! This is such a self-made rollercoaster, but I'm on the ride now and no way to get off!!

I promise I will. Even if it is with my tail between my legs!

Crushingat30 · 17/11/2024 13:04

Arlanymor · 17/11/2024 09:07

Aww thanks so much for asking, that’s really sweet of you. I’m honestly touched.

Do you really want to know…? Ok, so Jackanory time!

So… event went brilliantly. I was the one registering people, so when he showed up (looking gorgeous and amazing and cute and lovely) I went bright red and sweated for about 15 seconds but signed him in, was chatty, all normal(ish), all fine. He was nice as he always is. Literally like nothing had happened. We had a social in the evening and I was walking some guests from the hotel to the pub and was waiting in the foyer, when he came over with the two people from his organisation and asked about the route. I said: “You’re welcome to walk with us!” So we all walked over together as a group and he was saying something about his work and I remember thinking: It’s great that this is so normal, but really NOT A WORD about my email? Even now? In the evening?!

And the next day he gave a presentation (about his charity work - he’s genuinely an amazing human) and I was in the front row and he kept making eye contact (he was so nervous, love him, his hands were shaking, so I don’t think he was looking at me for me, but because I’m a good active listener - I literally went on a course about how to do it!) and when he left he came over and said: “Thanks for a brilliant event Arlanymor, I’ve so many ideas for my organisation and met so many great people. See you later.” So that was nice that he did that, but on the drive home I was thinking: NOT A WORD?! (And put on lots of The Cure songs on the 4.5 hour drive home to match my mood!)

Then an email popped into my inbox on Friday - event ended on Thursday - and I thought… this MUST be it! We’ve been away for two days he was sizing me up, working out how he felt, ok that’s fair enough…. Even if he says thanks but no thanks, that’s fine. I read the emaIl, he was thanking me for the event and… submitted his expenses claim.

Nothing more. NOT A WORD?!

UGH. UGH. UGH. UGH. UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

So I went into my emails (I emailed from my personal account) to delete the message I sent to him, as it’s gmail and otherwise it would come up forevermore if I searched for something even vaguely tangential.

And I had accidentally put an ‘x’ (a misplaced kiss?!) in the middle of his email address. I don’t know why I didn’t see it at the time or check it before. But basically I spent two days thinking (and acting as if) he had received an email when he hadn’t! (Like you said about spam, but was actually me being a complete dumbass, sausage-fingered moron).

UGH. UGH. UGH. UGH. UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

So I did nothing about it and met up with some friends from my writing group yesterday and towards the end three of us went for a glass of wine. I am 45 and the other two are retired, very retired, they are in their 70s. The whole sorry saga came out and I said: “Ah well, probably for the best, maybe the universe is trying to tell me something.” And they both said: “NO! Forward him the original email and say ‘Whoops!’ If nothing else it is funny and you probably were acting weird even if you didn’t think you were!” Then I got a lecture about nothing ventured, nothing gained… it honestly felt like they were preparing me to go to war… and so, under the pressure of two septuagenarians, I did as they said.

I forwarded it with a message that said: ‘Oh… I was labouring under the impression that you received this before the event this week. I didn’t realise that I made a mistake in your email address. Just saw it now. I am truly an idiot. Not sure what to say really - but if worst comes to worst I don’t have to face you for another six months, by which time my embarrassment will have hopefully died down!’

That was last night and he’ll see it tomorrow in work I guess. I weirdly feel much calmer about this latest email than the original one!

Sorry for the lengthy derail, but couldn’t really have explained it in fewer words! And thanks again for asking, that was really sweet of you.

Now I'm excited for you!

That's something I would do, the email address 😂

He sounds like a great guy and I really hope he replies soon and is interested.

Fingers crossed please do keep me posted 🙂

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 17/11/2024 13:08

@Crushingat30 Aww thank you - I could swear that I double-checked it at the time, but clearly not!

He is honestly lovely and I have been sitting on this crush since June... and whichever way it goes, I am almost relieved that it is out in the open.

If I'm not his cup of tea then much better that I know and can cry into my pillow and move on!

Sorry to derail your thread - I hope someone much better is waiting for you just around the corner. x

MarkingBad · 17/11/2024 14:32

Good luck @Arlanymor I hope whatever is right happens for you.

@Crushingat30

Did you hear back from your very much in the bin previous crush?

waterfalls123 · 18/11/2024 21:31

@Arlanymor any response...?

Tina159 · 19/11/2024 09:37

OP don't you think he just could actually have been locked out and been preoccupied? He didn't assume you were messing him around when you cancelled the date because of childcare issues did he? It's only been a week or something, it sounds like you're being a bit intense over a first date to me. I think you were too quick to send him that rude email based on everyone on here making assumptions - surely you'd know if he had a partner? Doesn't he live near you?
Personally I'd have given him another chance especially if I'd been the first one to cancel a date and he quickly replied to say he'd been locked out. Personally I think you jumped the gun a bit here.

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