Selling my house - a sign of commitment?

[UnhappyP1990]

Hi all,
My partner and I are at bitter logger heads about this. I'm going to lay out the facts of the argument.

Context. We have 2 kids each. I have a house. He has a house. My mortgage £500ish. His over £1000 per month. Equity around the same.

He believes selling my house, is a sign of 'commitment' with us seeking to buy a new house together. He wants to sell his.

My view him pushing me to sell my house, is to satisfy his own insecurities. He wants me not to have any way out.

We've discussed this a million times. He repeats it's about fairness and commitment. I would contribute equally to the new house, and rent mine out. In my head what he is saying by commitment, is me not having any way out, if things don't work. Ultimately I'd be stuck with him, in a huge house with no savings and a £1300 per month mortgage

Is there a right or wrong here?

Read it's not you, by dr ramani

Honestly - if you don’t dump this controlling wanker right away, you are failing your kids. As for actually selling their home and setting up a new one where this walking red flag is in their lives, in their space, reducing their mum to a ‘shell’ - you would be out of your mind. Get rid.

There little practical benefit of me moving in with him.
So if there's little benefit to you, there is absolutely none for your children.

he knows nothing about money, financies or the ins and outs of renting/buying
Why on earth would you take this level of financial risk with someone like this? Even extracting equity out of your current house feels way too risky.

Yes, I've had doubts, doubts about his charector and ability to really sustain a healthy happy family life, but i agreed to move in, even with these doubts.
And now you've changed your mind. I assume that he's telling you you can't back out now you've agreed to it, no takesie backsies? However, in reality you absolutely can change your mind - you have changed your mind, you're struggling with how to get him to accept it.

I've voiced how I feel until I'm blue in the face. He simply doesn't listen
Deeds not words, then.

Protect your children, protect yourself. You've every reason to be fearful about what a 'blended' future would look like (clue: you'd be doing 90% of the work and 100% of the worrying about finances, trapped in a house you can't afford on your own).

Hi there
This man knows exactly what he’s doing. And you have rumbled his plan cos you say so in your post - he doesn’t want me to have a way out! Yes, why would he want to do that. Because then he has you right where he wants you and you will have no options open to you other than to put up with whatever he says, does or wants. He will have all the power and you will be a pawn at his mercy.
I will say -

• DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE
• DO NOT RENT YOUR HOUSE
• DO - end this relationship

You deserve someone who will treat you in a respectful, loving way and treat you as an equal partner. You already know all this. You said as much in your post. You just need to listen harder to your own intuition. There will that better man out there for you if you end this relationship. All my good wishes coming to you and your children.

This man is insecure he resents your independence as it's a sign that you don't need him and he can't control you.

If you move in he will start dictate how your relationship will work. He will feel comfortable to do so knowing you are tied in to the commitment.

Don't do it. The way he is pushing so hard and ganging up on you shows this is not a man who will put you first.if you want to trial living together do a short let on your and move in with him. But I'd really think about what he is currently bringing to your relationship

It is a sign of commitment to buy a house together, more so than getting married in some ways, and he could just want that, but you really don't want to, so don't do it. Especially as you're not financially compatible. If you're happy in your own house stay there. It's not his mum's decision either.