Are most men shit or is it just how Mumsnet portrays them?

[loveyoutothemoon]

Is Mumsnet enough to put you off men for life? All you see on here is cheating men. Think I'm just damaged from an abusive marriage!

I didn't need MN to show me that a lot of men were shits! From bitter experience I know we can never know what the future holds, but the one I have now is lovely - with fimer morals than me in all honesty 😅

Its the only thing im sad about Sir Tom Jones...not really accepting his other son..proved..paid maintenace..the lad only wants to meet him before too late...he didnt ask to be born did he..

Agree, hence the skewed view on here.

Mine did and much more...i dont need advice but wil take on board..im not venting....i miss my man......pure gentleman..think you only reading some posts..not all

I don't know what the percentage of shit men versus good men is, but I know the shit % is high enough that a lot of women go through hell because of men.

Inferior sex

I feel very lucky that I have one of the best ones but I watched my mum accept below par my whole n life til she died suddenly I wanted better for myself and a better example for any children I might of had ( we have 3) he's a great husband and father

I mostly know decent, respectful men who don’t cheat or perve over other women or physically or emotionally abuse anyone - but who nonetheless would leave literally all the child- and home-related work and planning and organising to their female partners if their feet weren’t held relentlessly to the fire.

MN is the only place I’ve ever seen these mythical 50/50, totally equal heterosexual partnerships where, without being asked or micromanaged, men apparently take the initiative to organise holiday childcare and after school club, and buy DC new clothes when they outgrow the current ones, and do the food shop and change the sheets and know when half term happens.

Men are great. Great at being men. I love lots of them.

They are too often not good for women though. I would say about 40% are impossible (to be happy with). A much higher proportion than impossible women.

Has always been so. There are many reasons why humans built societal systems that required women to depend on men, to marry and pair off young. Now that women can earn or claim benefits or stay single they often choose that instead. (I don't think this is a good thing btw).

If there's one thing I learned from MN ...and being mid 40s and seeing divorces going on around me ...men are very good at compartmentalising and surprising tf out of everyone who thought they knew them. Yeah some women may do this but in my experience at least its the men that have raised my eyebrows.

@Bunnyhair i agree that only on MN will some men do 50/50. Otherwise women still do most of it if not all.

However, I dont think it means women should just accept it because it’s the norm.
And we expect more from men when things tits up. Like not asking for a divorce or having an affair as soon as your dwife has a cancer diagnosis and starts treatment.

A lot if things have changed. A lot of expectations have changed. For women.
Men need to start adjusting to that now.
Otherwise yes, they will end up alone. And they will be the ones struggling to adjust.

The men in my life - family and friends are decent.

Of course they're not shit. As other people have said, this is a board for relationship issues on a women's forum - we will get stories of the worst of the worst here. The sample is ridiculously skewed

People are bad

Imagine not being straight and having to date most of the women on Mumsnet

Exactly this.

It's praiseworthy that he brought his children to school? Or that he does the dishes while you're doing homework with your child?
So basically that you're sharing household/family duties.
Jesus, the patriarchy has really done a number on you.
Couples who live together should share domestic duties. Unfortunately its women who do the majority of the unpaid work in every society. Look around, I don't know any couples where the man does more of the unpaid, under appreciated and often dull and boring work than the woman.
It's depressing

I think this sums it up well.

In my experience men think they can get away with shit and disrespecful behaviour and are totally puzzled when a woman chooses not to put up with it and leaves. They know the bar is low for many and they seem to be in cahoots about trying to keep it that way or lower it further. Luckily, women are waking up to what is actually not acceptable behaviour and we are more and more able to live a good life without men.

Surely you must realise that of the 30+ million men in the UK, that only a tiny minority of them end up being described and discussed on Mumsnet.

People in happy healthy marriages and relationships won't come on MN and describe their life (a) because they'll get accused of boasting and will be flamed, and (b) they don't need to, they're too busy getting on with their lives.

You're the very type that @Ponderingwindow and I have just referred to.

talk about Joy Vampire, sucking the happiness out of every post.

I don't know any decent ones except my best friend who is gay.

@daisychain01 sucking the happiness out of every post by pointing out the unfair division of domestic duty? First time I've ever made that comment....but
it's the sad reality of the societies we live in

I always defend men because my own experience of men has been 95% positive. I'm now (nearly) 50 and have never had any major problems with men. Of course I've met plenty of dickheads and sleazy men but I avoid them. They just don't feature in my life, apart from very fleeting encounters. All the men I know closely (family, friends, friends' partners, colleagues) are decent blokes.
I've always got on well with men and enjoy their company. I have several male friends. I like the male sense of humour and the fact they are often more straightforward than women (OK, I know this is a massive generalisation!).
I've had more problems with females in my life. At school, my bullies were girls. At work, the most difficult bosses were women. As a teenager, random girls beat me up.
I do know people that have had awful experiences with men so maybe I'm just lucky?

I'm not one for picking fights on here so I'll just leave you with the thought that you were picking holes in a specific poster who gave a few examples where their DH took some kind and supporting actions as a team, and your response was to pour a bucket of iced water on them and say meh, big deal, so they should.

your comment Jesus, the patriarchy has really done a number on you. was particularly odious.

I have a lot of male friends, and growing up I felt much more comfortable in male company. But that changed in adulthood. My closest friends and most collaborative and valued colleagues have been women, who I’ve found a lot more creative and hardworking and energetic and far less stubborn and passive and stuck in their ways than my male friends & colleagues. And I’ve also seen how my male friends - clever and pleasant as they may be - are not people I’d be happy to be married to and raising a family as they are absolutely bone idle and effectively inert at home.

those kinds of people think men should have roses thrown at them for doing their fair share in the home.