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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Are most men shit or is it just how Mumsnet portrays them?

123 replies

loveyoutothemoon · 31/10/2024 20:24

Is Mumsnet enough to put you off men for life? All you see on here is cheating men. Think I'm just damaged from an abusive marriage!

OP posts:
CuteOrangeElephant · 31/10/2024 21:07

I just found out that I have a secret sibling, so firmly in the all men are crap camp.

I have no idea what my father was thinking.

FiveShelties · 31/10/2024 21:11

I think most men are good men. But who would want to read about men who are pulling their weight, respectful, faithful and good partners. Far more interesting to read about the men who are behaving badly.

livelovelough24 · 31/10/2024 21:13

Mrsttcno1 · 31/10/2024 20:30

I suppose the thing to remember is that people only really come on here to post when they need advice or to vent because something bad has happened. Nobody comes on here to write a post because their husband ran them a bath, made their tea and gave them flowers.

Love this. Thank you for this post.🤗

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 31/10/2024 21:16

MN has certainly irrevocably convinced me that if I were ever to find myself single again (currently happily married for 20 years) , I'd never even consider getting into another relationship. It's not that there aren't any good men, it's that I wouldn't be willing to wade through the rubbish ones to find one, or risk thinking I'd found a good one, only to find out he was an arsehole.

DrizzleMySwizzle · 31/10/2024 21:16

'I didn’t post that this week DH did the morning school run for me just because I was tired. I didn’t post that since ASD DC strongly prefers me helping her with her homework, he has taken over doing the dishes every night. I don’t post about how I was craving a treat last week and he stopped and picked one up for me, even though I didn’t ask.'

The fact people think this is big praiseworthy stuff is depressing. Men getting lauded for doing the very basic domestic stuff that they should be doing.

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 31/10/2024 21:18

A lot of women on MN appear to hate men. Full stop. I find it really sad.

livelovelough24 · 31/10/2024 21:18

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 31/10/2024 21:16

MN has certainly irrevocably convinced me that if I were ever to find myself single again (currently happily married for 20 years) , I'd never even consider getting into another relationship. It's not that there aren't any good men, it's that I wouldn't be willing to wade through the rubbish ones to find one, or risk thinking I'd found a good one, only to find out he was an arsehole.

Yup, exactly this. Recently divorced and not looking for a relationship at all, for these exact reasons.

MermaidMummy06 · 31/10/2024 21:19

Most are sh*t. My DH is the great guy to everyone else, but does zip around the house unless pushed. Goes to sleep on the couch instead because he stays up late, sleeps in on weekends. Has never gotten up to get the kids breakfast or just put washing on / emptied dishwasher without being asked. Jumps if his hobby needs something though. He definitely puts himself first.

I also just learned from two other mums that that a 'nice' dad at DC school has been sexually harassing them for years, messages, comments, inappropriate touching. He's always been respectful to me and seemed like a genuine nice guy. His wife is lovely. So yes, most are sh*t, in different ways.

Silosmist · 31/10/2024 21:20

Not all men are bad the issue is that there aren't enough good ones to go round so lots of good women get landed with a duffer.

MermaidMummy06 · 31/10/2024 21:21

DrizzleMySwizzle · 31/10/2024 21:16

'I didn’t post that this week DH did the morning school run for me just because I was tired. I didn’t post that since ASD DC strongly prefers me helping her with her homework, he has taken over doing the dishes every night. I don’t post about how I was craving a treat last week and he stopped and picked one up for me, even though I didn’t ask.'

The fact people think this is big praiseworthy stuff is depressing. Men getting lauded for doing the very basic domestic stuff that they should be doing.

100% My DH does small things for my family & they buy him gifts, and call me to praise him. Me? I'm just expected to do it.

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 31/10/2024 21:21

I think women put up with far too much allowing men to get away with unacceptable and/or lazy behaviour.
On the other hand, if women want to reverse the "tradional" gender roles then that means both men and women working and sharing household/childcare duties equally.

unsync · 31/10/2024 21:37

Not MN. Men put me off IRL.

Anothernamechane · 31/10/2024 21:40

Remember that when people post on Mumsnet it's generally because they feel like they need advice about a shit situation. Most people aren't going to take to the relationships board to announce their husband brings them breakfast in bed every Saturday. AIBU to think my man is wonderful? so it kind of skews perception

rwalker · 31/10/2024 21:44

I think it’s the same as everything else people only shout and talk about bad experiences

gamerchick · 31/10/2024 21:47

Mrsttcno1 · 31/10/2024 20:30

I suppose the thing to remember is that people only really come on here to post when they need advice or to vent because something bad has happened. Nobody comes on here to write a post because their husband ran them a bath, made their tea and gave them flowers.

And the handful of times people have tried to post a nice thread about their decent blokes, you get people moaning that they're gloating and to have a bit of empathy for abused women.

valueyourself · 31/10/2024 22:09

Mrsttcno1 · 31/10/2024 20:30

I suppose the thing to remember is that people only really come on here to post when they need advice or to vent because something bad has happened. Nobody comes on here to write a post because their husband ran them a bath, made their tea and gave them flowers.

Absolutely this ^

My kind thoughtful SECOND husband and stepfather (yes I know MN - stepfather) .. to my THREE now adult children who he bought up from 4 years old.. is heroic .. and has JUST ran me a bath...

MorganFreemansVoice · 31/10/2024 22:14

What a silly post! How can you even ask these questions? Having spent quite a bit of time on Mumsnet, I can certainly say that all men are s%*& – even the good ones, no exception!

I mean, let's be honest, how can a man compete with or be on the same level as us? A man will never be able to have a full-time job, look after five kids, and have a side business all on his own.

Glitterbomb123 · 31/10/2024 23:06

I think no one is perfect. In my experience women are just as bad as men. However I must be quite sheltered because I don't know any men on a personal level that I'd class as abusive. You can word things on here to make anyone seem awful or anyone seem great. You think of every single person you know, even yourself, if you wrote all your bad traits or every bad thing you or they did on here people would say oh what an awful person. Because as I say no one is perfect.

Long term relationships take work and aren't easy. As long as there's no real abuse (physical, nastiness like name calling, etc), lying or cheating, and you love each other, then you have to try and work through the rough patches.

5475878237NC · 31/10/2024 23:09

StarDolphins · 31/10/2024 20:54

I honestly think men generally are more shit than women. It’s much harder to find a decent guy than a decent woman.

I know some really lovely men, great morals, decent beings. I just had a good think about all the men I know though & I can honestly say, 30% tops are really good guys.

Just worked through my friends and out of 8 husbands, there's only one I think is a good guy. The rest are shits in some way.

ChaosHol1 · 31/10/2024 23:10

Mine isn't been together 24 years since we were 15. He absolutely adores me, wakes me up every morning with a kiss on the head and cup of tea on my bedside table, buys me the best, most thoughtful presents. Mucks in and does 50/50 with all housework, cooking (maybe more than me) taking our son to his sport maybe more than me 60/40. Works his bum off in his business. Cares for his elderly parents. Supported me when my mum was dying and completely looked after the house and kids.

Sometimes I actually think I don't deserve him.

LadyWiddiothethird · 31/10/2024 23:12

I am a widow,but my husband was fabulous.
I never gave much thought to how I thought about men in general…..until I joined a gym! God there are some utters horrors there,it’s David Lloyd.Because of the behaviour of the men there (not all) I am firmly in the “I can’t stand men” camp.

chrssy1 · 01/11/2024 00:40

Im 70...men shit?...had some when very young...as adult,,,not so much...all different personalities..either works with yours or not....but i suppose at times yes they shit....just kick to the kerb....lol

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 01/11/2024 00:57

It’s not that all men are shits, it’s that the shits are disproportionately men.

fridaynight1 · 01/11/2024 01:05

I'm not perfect and nor is my DH but he is a good, kind, gentleman and is lovely to me and our DD's. He has inadvertently set very high bar and non of them have yet found life partners. I am sure there are lovely men out there for them too but having been on mumsnet for many years you would think otherwise.

chrssy1 · 01/11/2024 01:16

cant judge...always a reason....if not..wouldnt have happened...just embrace and move on..life is so short...accept any family...why not? Not their fault