Message telling me, my partner is cheating!

[Loopy2020]

Last Thursday I received a request on FB messenger, from nobody I recognised. I accepted and the message popped up saying “your boyfriend is cheating on you, just like he did Don, nothing changes with that one”
has anyone else had something similar? Trying to make sense of it!
partner denies it and tbh, I’ve never questioned his loyalty! Just can’t shake the feeling what if…???
help!

How long have you been dating him?

He’s almost 7 years into recovery from drugs and alcohol.
i am taking it seriously for sure

5 years

I called the account that messaged me, they didn’t pick up I also tried contacting Don who replied but Annie did not.

What's he like generally OP? Is he a quiet home loving type, or a bit of a lad, out on the town with his mates? How is he around women? Disinterested, or charming and on the flirty side? Is he attractive to other women? Obviously none of these traits indicate a definite cheat or faithful man, but they give some idea of risk. What's your gut feeling here? Would you be shocked to the core he had cheated, or would a part of you think, yeah, I can see that.

Sadly I also think the same.

Is it possible he cheated on Don but she never knew? I'm sorry that isn't helpful. It's obviously someone who knows your partner but they could still just be making trouble.

Well it doesn't sound like a scam, as a scammer would take your reply and then try and send you a link or images, not block you. Their whole purpose is to get a response from you so they can send you something you'll click on.

So theres really only 3 options as far as I can see it.

1. He is cheating on you, he cheated on Donna (whether Donna knew or not is irrelevant) and someone is letting you know so you can keep your eyes open, but backing out of the drama.
2. He has really pissed someone off at some point and this is revenge.
3. They have your DP mixed up with someone else, and Don is a coincidence.

I think 3 is the most unlikely because what are the chances. So maybe you need to think IF he is cheating, where and when is he doing it? Does he have plenty of opportunity to or is he home on the dot every night straight from work, rarely goes out without you etc?

With this one it is more a case of process of elimination as to whether he could be cheating, as opposed to looking for evidence, as there may not be any.
I'd also get him to rack his brains as to who he may have pissed off to the point they would do something like this. Because he would have an idea. Its a pretty epic grudge to hold, so not likely to be because he stole their twix out of the office fridge or something.

It's a message request, anyone can send anyone a message without being friends with them.

Sometimes it’s the other woman coming on here asking if they should expose their affair once they’ve been scorned themselves 😆😆

In all seriousness I would block any ex’s and make sure my privacy settings are tight so random people can’t send requests. It’s likely to be someone bored and trying to stir shit when they see others doing well.

I recently got some messages on my phone that were absolute rants - full of swearing and abuse about something I am meant to have done that was a scam. I genuinely haven't scammed anybody or had any online dealings at all with individuals or small retailers. I have no idea who this person is. I assume he or she got the wrong number but it's obvious they have a problem with somebody. I have just put them in the junk folder. They sound too crazy to contact. These things don't have to be meaningful.

He doesn’t go out often at all, he loves being at home, and I’ve never had any concerns or cause to worry about his loyalty. But this message has still kinda made me think what if?

He's an ex addict?

You deserve better

I’m guessing you don’t know much about addiction or recovery? But thanks for your input.
addiction can happen to any of us and usually always has an underlying cause (often trauma) people do not choose that life.

It's not possible to stop people sending message requests.

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply.
He upset a lot of people in active addiction and now lives a great life and has worked so hard to build the life he has now and a lot of people would not like to see that.
thanks again

Last year I received a phone call from a woman who started to call me names in a really sinister way and saying I was having an affair with her husband. It was pretty vile stuff and I demanded to know what she was on about.

I wasn't having a relationship and certainly no affair with anyone. Someone was stirring or she had the wrong number, I didn't know who she or her husband was nor who would give her my number but she knew my first name but then it is pretty common name for women my age.

Some people really hate that people can drag themselves out of the mire and find a better life. And you are absolutely right that addiction can happen to anyone, it takes tons of hard work to get out of it. And yes it does leave a mess behind it. You have to make a choice every time to not do the thing you were addicted to for the rest of your life. That's a serious challenge and the most surprising people deal with that all day every day. Sorry got a bit of a bee in my bonnet over that.

I hope the best that can be will be for your both.

"Just like he did Don." Your husband cheated on someone named Don? Are you a gay couple? Doesn't make sense otherwise.

Go back to them and ask them for BF name and age and job.
Also ask your BF who dom/don is.

Donna, Dominique? Seriously. I've got my views but really? How hard was that?

Sorry misread your post. I think you are saying what I meant e.g Don can mean Donna etc.

The problem with addicts in recovery is they are always addicts. And affairs and cheating do sadly go hand in hand with addictive personalities as they can produce the high they need.

I’m not saying that because I don’t believe in addiction recovery I REALLY do, but it’s just a part of what drives them.

I think his personality is irrelevant, I’ve known flirty, chatty, social men who would never cheat and quiet, gentle, introverts - who never go out - manage to cheat!

I think the red flag here for me is this addictive side of him.

Someone has clearly reached out and created a false account. They’ve now shut up because they realise you won’t just take snidey, anonymous messages and will pursue this.

It’s a horrible situation to be in but I would be watching my back right now and digging a little deeper. I don’t think I’d just put this down to a malicious poster. Not five years later. Sorry.

Exactly yes, Donna

Yes I agree with you he’s since had cross addiction to gaming and energy drinks. I work in this field and know a bit about it.
He claims to work and live an honest programme due to the AA programme.
i get what you’re saying and I have spoken to my friend about why now, send this message?!
what if it’s something going on for them right now? I don’t know like an anniversary (for them) maybe they saw my FB profile pic (us as a happy smiling couple) maybe they saw him and how well he looks now?! So many questions?!
i guess I’m trying to reason it out with logic?!
thanks so much for your reply
i have been digging all week! And am of course a little guarded now!