SAHM and divorce...any family lawyers?

[cookiesandcream24]

I know I won't be the only one in this situation...I will keep it brief

Absolutely not attracted to DH anymore, excuse after excuse to avoid anything intimate and just totally lost any romantic interest in him. Not something that will come back with counselling etc. Two kids primary age.

I have been a SAHM for ten years to allow my husband to continue his career, which takes him out of the country and always has done. For up to three weeks at a time. I've had a long long slog of a lot of single parenting during those ten years. He is a high earner so we chose to do it this way so I could be there for the kids 100pc whilst he's away.

My question is should I be now getting myself a job or should I wait ? As someone told me I should get proper legal advice before getting a job as it may look better if I don't? If we get to divorce point I mean...

Both kids (only as of this year) are now in school...

Anyone shed any light or been in same situation? My concerns are money as I don't have much back up. Huge mortgage.

🙏🏼

@ShinyShona you’re a paralegal according to your other posts. So maybe wait until you’re qualified before you start giving ‘advice’ on here.

Ultimately OP, hardly any cases go all the way through to a contested hearing. Based on your original post I personally think you’d have a good case for spousal maintenance, most likely term limited to allow you to retrain, and there’s nothing to stop you putting that forward in negotiations.

A solicitor will be able to clarify this for you with all of the financial information. Please do not read what @ShinyShona is saying ‘would definitely happen’. I’ve read a few posts and they’re nonsense as far as I can see. It also is initially more about what you negotiate and agree with your husband rather than what a judge would do at final hearing.

oh and I’m happy to privately share my qualification details. For anyone who wants to PM me 😂

@Piggled thank you so much.

I feel like I opened a can of worms on here. I guess it's a very sensitive topic.

Really so grateful to everyone who commented and shared advice to try and help me (mostly everyone 😂)

Thanks again @Piggled. I will be reading this thread again when I have some quiet time

I don't plan to qualify and I'm probably at least one step ahead of you!

They manage because they have too but it doesn't mean it's easy.
They either have really good family support, exes who do 50%, well paid jobs that let them pay for childcare or they are not paid as much and have to survive on universal credit. As a single parent I honestly don't think it's comparable to the OPs situation and I'm lucky enough to have quite a well paid job, although when they were small my earnings were a lot more limited as I needed to get them to childcare and pick them up in the evening, I had to claim tax credits to top up my income. I never wanted to be a SAHM, I did want to stay working part time but I never had the choice so don't begrudge people who do.

@ShinyShona literally everything I said was qualified by saying I am basing my thoughts only on the information that OP gave.
Spousal Maintenance is NOT determined solely by how much her ex earns as you intimated upthread. I have no idea why you think that. It depends on so many other factors.

The only person making personal attacks is you.

Also, why on earth would I come on here to pretend to be a family lawyer? Absolutely bizarre. It’s you that’s making all these wild claims when you’re literally not even qualified. It’s really
unhelpful.

@cookiesandcream24

In my experience of arguing for and receiving spousal maintenance in a fairly recent divorce - what @Piggled advises on here is the closest to what I have experienced.

It is all, of course, rather complex and a lot of things are taken into account. The other issues, is of course - how you decide what to do - and to what extent solicitors can help you before you jump all in and spend a lot of money on it.
I did - but in my situation - I had no choice, and despite spending a significant amount on legal fees - it was worth it.

Lots of what Shonda is saying upthread shows she has not really seen actual high earners divorces. Yes - some of these men do try to min their salary to manipulate spousal. But in reality - most are highly ambitious and do continue to earn.

These cases often are settled not by simply ‘negotiating with your spouse’ - I have not seen many high earners willingly agreeing to fair spousal. What I did, and have seen is that cases are settled in FDR negotiations - private, if you can afford it. Its costs less than going to court.

As to whether your H’s earnings are important when deciding on spousal - yes they are. As in - if he earned £50K - while those earnings being above average, you aren’t likely to be able to argue for much. So - there is a level of assets/earnings below which its pointless to try for spousal.
Once you are above that level - the actual amount of maintenance - and duration will depend on a lot of factors, as Piggles says.

For eg - the judge at the FDR said that he ruled for spousal - as a case for ‘compensation’ because I could not get back to my corporate career having been out of work for 15years. And crucially in those years my exH became really senior in the field and could afford to maintain his life style and maintenance. If that wasn't the case - he’d have told me to get an entry level job.

So - details and numbers matter. In your place - try to get as much if a picture of your family financials before you speak to solicitors. Generally - i am not sure how much they’ll be able to tell you in a 30min free consultation. But at least they can see if there are enough assets and earnings that you may even try to go that way.

No one on here can give anything other than some basic guiding principles

they settlement will ultimately come down to what assets are available, what your earning potential is ( not that you don’t work now), what he earns and how old you both are.

the courts will always strive for a clean break at the earliest possible point.

as no one knows the answers to any of these all we can really say is read up on the principles, understand your assets, take paid for legal
advice and understand you’ll both be financially worse off. You can’t expect to maintain your current house, life etc when splitting especially if you don’t work

This is absolute rubbish.