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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband leaving me for a sex worker

102 replies

FireTiger24 · 20/10/2024 08:33

I am undergoing chemo for breast cancer and have just found out that my husband has been cheating on me since my diagnosis with an online sex worker. He has only known this women for a couple of months, they are in love and is now setting up house for her and her child. She does not live locally so she is have to move from the north to the south so they have only met each other 2 times so far. We have 2 children together 10 and 4 that he wants 50/50.

I just don't know how someone who says they loved me and our children can do this and whether I should be concerned about him and his current actions.

OP posts:
Angela59 · 20/10/2024 08:37

What a loser!

You know what, he’s done you a favour!
move on find a wonderful man xxx

Sending you positive thoughts and energy xx

ToBeOrNotToBee · 20/10/2024 08:43

Gosh, what an idiot. I'm almost laughing at his stupidity.
Count yourself lucky you no longer need to live such a gentleman.
I can only advise you to live your life, count the blessings, no matter how small, and dream about the day he comes crying saying it was all a mistake and how good it will feel to reply something about making his bed....

wickerlady · 20/10/2024 08:48

What an absolute moron he is OP. He's a terrible person for what he has done to you, especially when you are in such a vulnerable position.

This will all come crashing down on him, you mark my words. In the meantime, you concentrate on yourself, your health and your children. Get what you are owed from him and move on.

piscofrisco · 20/10/2024 08:50

A dim sort thing happened to my sister in law. Her dh left her for a woman he had been video chatting with and the sending a lot of money to in Columbia.
He very without came back when he learned that surprise surprise she was married and was doing this to countless fools.

He lost his marriage, his relationship with his teenage children and spiralled into depression, losing his business and ended up in huge debt.

What leads these idiots to believe their 48 year old tubby selves are 'the one' that that 20 year old beautiful web cam girl really and truly falls in love with? It's utterly bizarre.

I'm so sorry for you op, but the trite, you will be better off in the end is true here. Dont try to understand it, you never will.

offyoujollywelltrot · 20/10/2024 08:50

Let's hope his knob falls off.

Piggled · 20/10/2024 08:50

The stupidity of men knows no bounds.

focus on your health OP. Get rid of him, get a great lawyer. Make sure he is not using your money to set her up.

do not let him come back when he inevitably whines that it was a all a big mistake in a few months.

Jaehee · 20/10/2024 08:51

He's an idiot

Bornnotbourne · 20/10/2024 08:55

I remember being shocked when I was a student nurse when we had a talk from a chemotherapy nurse who said part of her job was supporting women whose husbands had left after their diagnosis. Can’t remember the percentage she quoted but it was really high. She recommended women joining the cancer support group as there were always other women who had similar experiences. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

Piggled · 20/10/2024 08:56

Bornnotbourne · 20/10/2024 08:55

I remember being shocked when I was a student nurse when we had a talk from a chemotherapy nurse who said part of her job was supporting women whose husbands had left after their diagnosis. Can’t remember the percentage she quoted but it was really high. She recommended women joining the cancer support group as there were always other women who had similar experiences. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

Men quite often can’t cope when their wife appliances start malfunctioning. It’s shocking.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 20/10/2024 08:56

@FireTiger24 so sorry about your diagnosis. x I hope you do well and get through this with the love of your children. why is it the that sex is really the only thing that worries men??? will they/are they getting enough? will it be on tap for evermore? do i have to do something now just to make sure that it will be on tap for evermore? do they feel they have to sort something out to safeguard the availability of a sex provider? do they not realise that people are far more important than what is in their boxers? they are selfish pigs, some of them!

SettlerOfDivan · 20/10/2024 08:58

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091110105401.htm

A woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the relationship is the patient, according to a study that examined the role gender played in so-called "partner abandonment."

Guavafish1 · 20/10/2024 08:59

The need for sex

He is a total embarrassment. It’s most unfortunate for his kids who will have to live with this knowledge all their live.

Getoverit1965 · 20/10/2024 09:02

What an absolute cretin. How does he propose to do 50 50 front he other side of the country when the kids will be in school?

AlteredStater · 20/10/2024 09:06

I am so sorry to hear this OP! This will definitely come back to bite your 'D'H - they are 'in love'?? I highly doubt it. He will come crawling back to you all in good time, but in the meantime you need to look after yourself. Whether or not you want to have him back again in the future is totally your call, but he hasn't covered himself in glory, has he!

m00rfarm · 20/10/2024 09:07

Getoverit1965 · 20/10/2024 09:02

What an absolute cretin. How does he propose to do 50 50 front he other side of the country when the kids will be in school?

OW is moving to the exh.

AngelinaFibres · 20/10/2024 09:08

SettlerOfDivan · 20/10/2024 08:58

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091110105401.htm

A woman is six times more likely to be separated or divorced soon after a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis than if a man in the relationship is the patient, according to a study that examined the role gender played in so-called "partner abandonment."

My father was diagnosed with Parkinsons and my mother cared for him for 12 years. He was often a very,very unpleasant patient. Had the roles been reversed he would have had her in a care home as soon as he could. He'd have turned up once a week, dressed in expensive clothes, driving a beautiful car and schmoozed and flirted with the care staff. He'd have brought flowers and made a big show. The people in the home would have told her how lucky she was to have such a wonderful husband. She would have smiled knowingly.
You have my absolute sympathy Op. You are better off without him . What an absolute shit.

Justsayit123 · 20/10/2024 09:09

See a Solicitor asap to get your ducks in a row

Bornnotbourne · 20/10/2024 09:12

@SettlerOfDivan thanks for that, I think that was referred to by the chemotherapy nurse.. I’m still amazed by those figures.
It makes you wonder what went wrong with men.
@FireTiger24 are you getting some support from family and friends?

PixiePirate · 20/10/2024 09:13

This is utterly appalling behaviour from your husband and completely unforgivable.

Leaving your marriage for someone else at the most vulnerable moment of your spouse’s life and taking the children 50% of the time.is absolutely shocking behaviour.

Do you have support from family and good friends, OP? I’m so sorry that you’re in this position and wish only good things for you and your physical and emotional recovery.

dancingwhilstfacingthemusic · 20/10/2024 09:18

What a treasure he is. I’m so sorry you’re going through chemo (I am too) and that this idiot has shown his true colours at such an awful time.

I hope you are otherwise well supported by friends and family.

TravellingSpoon · 20/10/2024 09:20

I hope there is a moment soon when he realises it's all a lie and the bottom falls out of his world. He deserves nothing less for leaving you at such a vulnerable time, the selfish arsehole.

LadyRoughDiamond · 20/10/2024 09:21

Ok Mumsnet, we need the hive mind here. Ducks in a row: what should go on the list?

Current value of all shared assets and liabilities.
Withdraw half of what’s in any joint account and set aside in case he tries to empty it.
Pension details - need to get them valued.
Council Tax - have him removed for 25% discount.
Start applying for benefits - check out https://www.entitledto.co.uk/
Solicitor appointment asap

…anything else people?

Do get some real life support OP, none of this is your fault and you will come through this horrible time stronger and happier.

Benefits Calculator - entitledto - independent | accurate | reliable | www.entitledto.co.uk

Check what benefit entitlement you are entitled to. The entitledto benefits calculator will check which means-tested benefits you may be entitled to e.g. tax credits, universal credit, housing benefit …

https://www.entitledto.co.uk

thegirlwithemousyhair · 20/10/2024 09:22

"In sickness and and in health...."

What a fool. There's one born every minute.

Pancakeorcrepe · 20/10/2024 09:22

What a pig of man! I was shocked to read you have two very young children and this is what he does?
I know it’s horrible at the moment but this man is not fit to be a partner and a father. You will do so much better without him.

ThatGutsyHedgehog · 20/10/2024 09:22

Surely he won’t get 50/50 custody if he’s moving away as both children will be in school and you can’t go to 2 different schools!

Stay put in the house and consult a solicitor asap

Sending big hugs to you xxx

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