Found husbands account on onlyfans

[Jabbathehurt]

Out for advice. Found out after reading text from his mum that he had an outstanding credit card loan over at least 4 years with thousands owed ( variable amount from 2500 to 4000) according to him as can’t keep answer straight. He has refused to show me credit card bill, or how much he has paid in interest with apr of 18.9 percent!!! I offered to pay it off for him and he said he didn’t want to be beholden to me. (Not that we have 2 kids under 6, and I own the house and paid for everything costing over 200 pounds other than his Xbox and tv and phone.) I’ve managed to hack into an old phone he said wasn’t working anymore, seemed to be working fine after a charge. Anyhow managed to get into his phone and bank apps ( only monzo) were accessible thanks to his password manager which gave me all accounts and passwords. I found an onlyfans account ( in a fake name) and several payments for 2 subscriptions to slutty tramps. Payments also consistent with billing details from monzo account. Advice on what to do. I earn x3 as much as he does.

Isn’t only fans just like watching porn ? It’s not ideal but would you really divorce over it ?

I didn’t realise it was interactive! Yes that does change things somewhat…. Not sure I could get over that, if he is talking to the sex workers etc.
How can you sleep with someone after that!

What an absolute wanker. Well done for getting shot, OP.

How very noble that the lying, paying voyeur doesn't want his wife to pay his debts!
I don't agree that OP did anything wrong with his old phone. If all info was easily accessible and she didn't move any money to benefit herself or cause him to be worse off financially, I'd say it's a lesson in not keeping passwords set to remember on your devices, anyone could access them.
If ending your marriage is what you want to do @Jabbathehurt get a good divorce lawyer. I've heard it said on here a few times, preferably female.
Wishing you and your kids a wonderful future 🌸

Get lawyered up with a barracuda - he is going to absolutely clean you out if you don't do everything you can to minimise it.

Sometimes when your whole life normalised a shit situation, it's the one small shocking detail - the thing you never saw coming - that makes the scales fall from your eyes.

First of all - don’t call sex workers slutty tramps because women and men trying to earn money to pay for this life right now is leading people toward desperate decisions and doing sex work is usually one of them.

At least those people are trying to make a living; very much unlike your husband who is by all accounts a parasite.

The problem you have is your husband’s dishonesty and lack of loyalty. You cannot make a man cheat or be this way, it’s a choice they make. He chooses to go on the sites and view the content. Cannot stress that point enough.

The second problem you have is paying for everything for a lazy lying parasite. It’s cool though that he bought his own gaming set up and phone. That’s a lot of responsibility for someone with two children, how does he juggle all that commitment in between having a w*nk before loading into Fortnite.

My honest suggestion for the sake of your children is marriage counselling. That’s probably the only way either of you are going to work through this.

Advice:

1. Get a shit hot lawyer. He’s been leeching off you and you need to make sure he doesn’t do this in the divorce settlement
2. Confide in reliable friends or family in RL. Tell everyone what he’s done, don’t hide his shame.
3. Ignore a lot of the nonsense on this thread. You were well within your rights to find out how a massive debt had been incurred, you do NOT have to seek counselling to try to stay with a literal wanker who lies and blames you. Of course you haven’t committed fucking fraud by looking at his phone.

Good luck OP, you will be so much better without him. Keep your chin up.

A tramp is an itinerate worker of no fixed abode, named because they walk between short-term jobs. These women are not tramps, they are prostituted women.

I can tell that you didn't read the thread. He's a serial liar with considerable debts.

Wait can we get this straight is he in debt because of his subscriptions to these places

I think the term for this "D"H is "cocklodger". You will be well-rid of him.

Get a good solicitor.

They are married so it’s half his home. A point many people would make very strongly if a man tried to throw his wife out…

snooping is sometimes understandable but this feels like a lot. Accessing private bank account details would be absolutely condemned had a man done it

split if you want op, but you can’t just chuck him on the street and expect to keep all the assets, it doesn’t work like that

Better off without the lying sack of shite, they always blame the partner for their shortcomings, narcissistic wankers, does t sound like he was contributing much anyway so you’ve dodged a bullet

He sounds like the biggest loser going. I would leave purely on the basis that he owes thousands of credit cards, but for some reason his mum is involved? Are the cards in her name? Just start divorce proceedings.

Based on your last sentence, turf this sorry burden out of your life.
That would be my advice.

What a naive post.

Throw him out and leave him to it! He won't get himself together enough to divorce you. You can empty your accounts redirect your cash and use your money for you and your child.

You had my sympathy until the slutty tramps bit.
Looks like you deserve each other.

Well you can stop calling women “slurry tramps” for a start. It’s your vile perv of a DH you should be calling out.

There was a post when a man was going through wife phone, someone one accused him committing fraud for snooping, all the mumsnet where agreeing with the post, so make up your mind.

OP, I understand you're in pain, but the fault lies with him here, not the women he's purchasing. Calling them names because you're angry with him is such a low blow. Redirect the anger. He's the slutty tramp here.

Also, to everyone being like 'would you really leave over porn?'

I absolutely would. For dozens of reasons. Regardless of the public image it is currently enjoying, we know enough about the consequences of men's porn use to know it's a recipe for disaster within a relationship. And, tbh, even if it wasn't, it's totally reasonable not to want to share your life with someone who masturbates over other women. I don't know when that became a prudish perspective, but it's really not.

Kick him out and totally agree with every word @HazelPlayer said. Fallen for the whole porn addiction bullshit myself, never again.

You know what to do it's just difficult to accept and your are still afraid to do it. Sooner or later you will do it anyway.