Found husbands account on onlyfans

[Jabbathehurt]

Out for advice. Found out after reading text from his mum that he had an outstanding credit card loan over at least 4 years with thousands owed ( variable amount from 2500 to 4000) according to him as can’t keep answer straight. He has refused to show me credit card bill, or how much he has paid in interest with apr of 18.9 percent!!! I offered to pay it off for him and he said he didn’t want to be beholden to me. (Not that we have 2 kids under 6, and I own the house and paid for everything costing over 200 pounds other than his Xbox and tv and phone.) I’ve managed to hack into an old phone he said wasn’t working anymore, seemed to be working fine after a charge. Anyhow managed to get into his phone and bank apps ( only monzo) were accessible thanks to his password manager which gave me all accounts and passwords. I found an onlyfans account ( in a fake name) and several payments for 2 subscriptions to slutty tramps. Payments also consistent with billing details from monzo account. Advice on what to do. I earn x3 as much as he does.

Yes and some are both nurses and have a side hustle. Its her husband who deserves the name calling, if anybody does.

This isn't fraud, and she didn't hack in. He left a phone that had all the details on it.

The site was called slutty tramps!

Yes, it's work, but not work that you suggest as a career path to your 16 year old dd.

Always amazes me that men are allowed to run up debt, spend money on sex workers , lie to their partners and behave like irresponsible idiots.
But when their wife takes steps to actually find out the details of how she is being taken for a ride she is accused of snooping and that is considered far worse than the husbands abhorrent behaviour.

I think some people on here are obsessed with having a contrary opinion.

Advice on what to do.

In what way?

Are you looking for practical advice for separating, or are you looking for emptily advice because you haven't decided to do that yet? A lot of women post on here looking for 'advice' about useless, disgusting and disrespectful men, the vast majority are actually looking for tips on how to turn him into something he isn't. Don't be one of them, get rid of him. He is not a good person.

Glad you have taken action op.

To the posters focusing on the snooping, you are very naive. They have a conversation, he lies & they continue on with him lying and sneaking around behind her back. Continued checking is wrong but that doesn’t sound like it’s the case here.

Hope OP and kids are ok
please don’t let him blame you . He sounds horrible and toxic . Hope he is out of your home

AM I the only one who thinks its a little bit wrong that you hacked into his old phone and went through his personal accounts, i'd go mental if that was my DH

Yes the onlyfans thing I would be annoyed about - but it just like live porn, worse things could happen

It is hard to end a relationship. You’re doing really well and it sounds as if you should be getting out of this marriage as fast as you can.

Idk how long you’ve been married for as this will have a bearing on how much money he can get. But as you have a 6 yo I imagine your marriage will be considered medium to long if you lived together beforehand.

It is therefore looks as though the house will be classed as a marital asset and you’ll be giving him at least 50% of it and so forth (as he’s the lower earner)…unless you can give him a large cash settlement. He might be happy with that even if not 50% so he can blow it on his proclivities.

Better this than living a lifetime of lies and him getting hold of even more of your hard earnt cash.

Right now, I’d be getting a really good lawyer on board and see how you can play this.

Yawn.

Less annoyed, more confused as to why some people are so invested in pretending sex work is the moral equivalent of any service job. The narrative concerns me as I never want this pushed as a job choice to poor disadvantaged women.

There is a reason you wouldn't suggest this as a career to a young child deciding what to do isn't there?

Someone has certainly touched a nerve, but I think it was me.

Best advice . You don’t need him - bin him and don’t pay off any of his wank off debts .

My understanding is that as you are married, his debts are your debts too.
Try and separate your income / outgoings / savings.
If you are going for a divorce then legal and financial advice is needed asap
good luck

umm ... there will always be men begging to pay to see and hear things they most likely would never get access to. And Only Fans allows a much wider range of women to share their beauty/passion/desire/sexuality in safety and sometimes anonymity, remotely, and for example support themselves as single mothers after escaping an abusive relationship.

So let's let them be, and not degrade them by calling them names. What they are doing is legal for a reason.

This DH clearly has been exploiting his wife, @Jabbathehurt , in a heartless way. Luckily she has had the strength to get rid asap. Well done.

I wouldn’t divorce over a porn habit.

However, it’s the fact that he cannot tell the truth and seek help when he needs it.

It also depends on how the rest of the marriage looks - if he is an amazing father, a generally good partner etc, it is something to work through together. Can he increase his income etc?
But this doesn’t seem to be the case, from your tone it sounds like this is the last straw of an already crap marriage..?

This is just nonsense.

It's certainly not fraud - that would require intent to make a gain for herself or another, to cause loss to another, or to expose another to risk of loss. None of which are the case here - she simply went looking for information.

It might conceivably fall under the Computer Misuse Act, but it seems she had implied permission. And in any case, I doubt her ex-husband would be keen on pursuing a prosecution.

This!

Balls.

OnlyFans isn't just porn though, its interactive, which is different IMO

I wouldn’t divorce over a porn habit

Only fans is not a porn habit.

It's using sex workers online.

And spending family money to do so.

I love when the first reply just nails it.

I also love when the OP realises her worth so quickly and throws out the rubbish.

seek help when he needs it.

Lef me clue you in on something important..... Lots and lots of men, when caught using porn and online sex workers (and sometimes in person sex workers) will say it's an addiction.

Boo. hoo, an addiction, I need help, you'd be a big meanie to leave me, I need support, poor me.

It's BULLSHIT.

They just like using using porn and online sex workers. They like interacting sexually with other women/multiple women, they like instructing other women to do sexual things, they like accessing/receiving explicit images and videos of other women. They like wanking interactively to other/multiple women. They feel entitled to do it, they don't want to be faithful - even "electronically".

That's what they enjoy. That's what they think they're entitled to. That's where their line for fidelity lies.

(Though they wouldn't take the equivalent behaviour from their wife or partner, oh no).

It's not sex addiction, or porn addiction ..... That's mostly just a line to keep you there, make sure they don't get chucked out, not lose the many benefits of the relationship, not have to explain to mammy and daddy why they're split up and a single parent (if they can be bothered looking after their own kids) etc etc.

It's a line.