Talk to me about gaslighting. Am I guilty?

[BrightSideOfTheMoon]

My adult child has said I gaslight her. I don't recognise it at all. I am distraught. She wants me to talk to her about it so I need to understand more. I do not want to brush what she says aside.

She is vulnerable. And almost certainly neurotypical. Going through hell.

She hasn't given me any examples that I can give to make this more comprehensible - what she gives me is generalised and abstract.

I am not going to post identifying details on a public forum, but if anyone can help me to understand what might be going on, I would appreciate it.

Thank you @Throughthebluebells I often think about that. Not quite sure what else to do.

@BrightSideOfTheMoon

Even more simple “I’m doing this. Would you like to join me?”

The approach I have taken is - in the context of I can’t do right for doing wrong with my DD, the only thing I can do is behave in a compassionate way, offer opportunities and accept DD’s decision and carry on with my life. Neither of us is beholden to the other. We are both adults and accept with grace circumstances beyond our control.

Very thoughtful postings here. As others have said, when things get this bad nothing you do will be right. You have to do what’s right for you. I occasionally send good wishes eg at New year, but now know all will be rejected. So I get on with my life, very sad , but not prepared to put my head on the chopping board any more.

My head has definately felt 'on the chopping board'. It's horrible.

Thank you for the clarification, @Darkerdreamingdescribe . She genreally ignores anything that isn't directly related to her wounds. I say that kindly. It's as if she can't see that there is anything else. If I try to open a conversation about general life stuff she might respond with a word or two but she makes it clear that isn't a direction she wants to go in.