Ended due to selfish in bed - was it a mistake

[Addictedtohotbaths]

I’ve just ended my relationship (mainly) due to him being very selfish in bed.

Outside of the bedroom he was so loving and affectionate but I felt like almost invisible when having sex.

Usually I’m very active / dominant / adventurous and it sucked all my confidence away in bed with him as he seemed to have very little interest in my enjoyment. It made me feel so shit and angry.

I can’t work out how he could be so amazing in other ways and affectionate but not in bed.

Yes he does watch lots of porn in case that is a factor. I did highlight that when we broke up.

Was it a mistake to end it should I have tried to communicate better about my needs / suggest counselling?

he’s been very stressed and tired with work so I take on board that would have an impact but he was still able to get his fill from it.

If you talked about it and nothing changed then yeah, it was a dumping offence.

My bf went through a stage of being selfish in bed, but when I brought it up, he immediately changed behaviour and now it's always ladies first.

If the guy doesn't listen and can't be arsed, then it'll probably seep into other areas too in the long run.

Sex is important to me. Wouldn't accept it being a one way street myself.

I think you are totally correct in thinking porn is the cause of how he behaves in the bedroom.
It's a well known side effect of porn usage that it affects the users ability to connect emotionally with his partner during sex. He is desensitised. Porn users struggle with relationships.
I think you have done the right thing ending things with him

This

Thank you both. Yes I think porn was an influence. He wasnt happy when I suggested that was a factor.

He’s also slept with about 300 women, so it can’t be lack of experience.

He’s also slept with about 300 women, so it can’t be lack of experience

Did many of them want to do it with him more than once, is the question 😂

Quantity over quality.
He's an idiot then!

😂😂😂

oh my god, what?!??

300 women and he’s still THAT SHIT?!?

I don’t think he was interested in relationships just getting his end away in the past.

I think he’s got very low self esteem and it was a way to get validation.

Probably so many as none of them wanted a repeat performance……..

That’s why he is shit! 300 women was just about fucking, not actual having sex. No emotional connection at all, no proper sex.

Good you dumped him, he will never get better now.

I'd have dumped him over the porn before the being shit in bed 🤢🤢

Doesn't sound like he's changed that much!

Selfish in bed is a dumpable factor for me for sure.

The charm he needed to get 300 women into bed for a ONS does not equate to experience knowing how to actually please a woman in bed. That's assuming he was telling the truth about the figure, of course.

"I can’t work out how he could be so amazing in other ways and affectionate but not in bed."

Yeah this kind of confirms it IMO. He was only ever interested in getting his end away. He developed the "amazing" skills to be able to convince women to sleep with him, but in the sack he's only ever been interested in getting his. I think porn is responsible for a lot of shit but actually I think this guy is just a bog standard doesn't give a shit about your pleasure in bed, kind of guy.

Was it a mistake? No. Great decision in fact.

At our most intimate and vulnerable we need connection. He was only interested in taking. It doesn't matter what a "great guy" he was outside the bedroom, when it came to the core of your relationship, he didn't care about you enough to want you happy.

Was he a porn star himself?
I find it incredible any man (that’s not rich or famous) has managed to have sex with THREE HUNDRED women.

Don’t second guess your decision, you made the right choice. He sounds dreadful.

Reckon he added a 0 😂😂

Maybe 00

👏🏻👏🏻

He might be lacking experience of sex as part of a monogamous, loving, sexually generous relationship! If you're having regrets and missing him, couples counselling could be a way of helping him find a different way of relating in bed.

I went out with a similar guy and ended it for the same reason. He had a big dick so thought he didn't have to make any effort and didn't care about doing so.

Yes, I talked about it with him, in and out of the bedroom. Never really felt like he understood or cared that much. He was just thinking about himself.

thanks for giving me a laugh and cheering me up!

Not sure if he made up the numbers up but he didn’t come across as a liar.

I’ve wondered if he’s a narcissist because he’s so insecure, worried about what people think of him, selfish in bed etc. I’ve been married to one so you’d think I’d have spotted it.

Sleeping with 300 women suggests that he's not been asked back for many repeat performances.

Also, the fact that you know he (claims to have) slept with over 300 women suggests that he feels the need to brag about his prowess, probably to hide his inadequacies.

I reckon you've made the right choice.

Was he really kind / lovely / thoughtful in other areas?

it’s the disconnect in behaviour in and out the bedroom that I found so confusing.

No it wasn't a mistake, I would say he's masking and probably has regressive views on women and sexuality.

Oh I can believe a personable decent looking guy can pull.

But it's whether he could get repeats. J suspect he's not a great memory to a lot of women.

I think it's a bit of a red flag that he kept score.