Ended due to selfish in bed - was it a mistake

[Addictedtohotbaths]

I’ve just ended my relationship (mainly) due to him being very selfish in bed.

Outside of the bedroom he was so loving and affectionate but I felt like almost invisible when having sex.

Usually I’m very active / dominant / adventurous and it sucked all my confidence away in bed with him as he seemed to have very little interest in my enjoyment. It made me feel so shit and angry.

I can’t work out how he could be so amazing in other ways and affectionate but not in bed.

Yes he does watch lots of porn in case that is a factor. I did highlight that when we broke up.

Was it a mistake to end it should I have tried to communicate better about my needs / suggest counselling?

he’s been very stressed and tired with work so I take on board that would have an impact but he was still able to get his fill from it.

There's a difference between someone being shy or clumsy and needing a bit of guidance, and someone who doesn't give a shit about your experience. It wasn't going to get better and you dont want to be a fuck pillow the rest of your life.

If you think he's a narc and he's shit in bed, you're unreasonable to wonder if it was a mistake to dump him. Why would you want that in your life? Don't second-guess yourself.

Life's too short for shite sex.

Inexperienced fumbling, or just being new to each other, but with an interest in pleasing you, is very fixable.

Experienced but shit at sex with no interest in pleasing you, is not fixable.

Good call.

Yes I think you could be right. He likes it rough (which I do like) but there was an off feeling and he would put his hand on my throat which I know people have their views on both ways but it didn’t seem like he was capable of loving sex.

My narc radar seems off because so many men I come across give me narc vibes so I don’t trust myself.

Absolutely not. It probably would have escalated as well and his selfishness and views towards women would have become evident.

Out of interest, how old is he? I'm just trying to work out the mathematics of having sex with 300 people.

Sounds like it’s working perfectly.

Early 50’s. I think most of the numbers were in his youth.

To be honest I know a few guys with similar numbers!

How long were you with him?

was he like that from the beginning?

Just over a year.

Beginning was a bit better, then it got shit. Then I called him out and it got a bit better for a while then back to shit. My resentment and anger just grew until it went into other areas of our relationship and then I sacked it off.

Early 50s and still crap in bed. 😲

I think it sounds like it's working fine, OP.

Good grief. 300?
Who is he, Tom Jones?

Slept with 300 women........

Yeah in his dreams whilst watching porn.

😂

I don't think it's amazing numbers assuming he's been sexually active since 20, it's 10 a year. It doesn't sound like he's been in long-term monogamous relationships much.

It's not him, it's them!

They just keep leaving before he's mastered the art 🤦🏾‍♀️.

He's porn sick.

Also ; I'll get flamed but I find people of both sexes who have sexual partner numbers in the hundreds generally have ishoos

To be honest I know a few guys with similar numbers!

oh come on… you believe them?
any “man” that boasts about his virility is lying and guaranteed to be a shit shag.

Are they punters?

Swingers?

Very slow learner

Nope but very charming / dashing with huge egos.

I would say he was when it was something he wanted to do. It was very selective.

For example he did laundry beautifully and folded it all neatly to pro level (no idea why or how he picked that one up, it was very off brand for him!). But you'd have more luck ending the war in Gaza than getting him to cook a meal.

I go for people-pleasers now, there's no one better in bed than a people-pleaser.

Sounds like he was quantity over quality

Find someone better