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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband age 57 told me to go fuck myself

107 replies

Curly50 · 17/10/2024 02:41

Hi .I need some advice ,I suffer on and off with depression and the way it affects me is that maybe twice a year I shut down I just go quite and go away to my room and stop for up to 3 days ,I absolutely hate it,I have been to GP and they prescribed medication which seems to keep me balanced for long periods of time. 7 weeks ago my elderly mum passed away and I had cared for her 2 days out of a week for a long time before she died.then a week ago my brother whom I adore age 60 told me he has terminal cancer,I said to my hubby I wasn't feeling great and cud we maybe do breakfast or something as for he previous 2 weeks he was out with his friends at weekends anyhow he said he hadn't the time and was too busy with work.
I felt so exhausted and unmotivated so took myself to my room for 3 days and slept ,I also had bloody sinus infection.
So after taking myself off for 3 days and not communicating with anyone other than I'm OK just don't mind me. The families life went on whilst I tried to deal with my bloody head then I got up showered and tried to start again and was making tea and 1 of my adult children gave me a barrage of abuse probably well deserved about how I only want attention and I don't do anything and I don't clean and don't cook and she isnt going to pay mammy tax of 30 pounds a week anymore becauseshe had to buy toilet rolls and clean kitchen i normally am ok with housework and stuff .i asked my hubby to intervene he said oh u want to talk now go fuck yourself.i tried to explain i cant always control my mental health but think the loss of my mum and sadness at the thoughts of loosing my lovely bro in the next few months probably made me want to be alone etc ,he just was yelling at me and then he and daughter went for a drive.2 of my other adult children told him it was unfair ,he shouted some more and watched tv
What should i do i feel like il have to leave because he wont but am scared any advice would really be appreciated

OP posts:
Rosscameasdoody · 17/10/2024 19:52

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 17/10/2024 11:02

Also so sorry you are dealing with so much OP.
I do have to agree with above poster though.
When you are on the other side of this, with a partner who has such bad depression they cannot talk and sleep constantly for days it is very hard to deal with.
Your DD and DH shouldn't have spoken to you like that, but please see a GP for some help for your sake.

Show quote history

OP HAS seen a GP and says she’s on meds which keep her mood even most of the time. She takes a couple of days a couple of times a year to shut herself away and deal with her mental health. How is that ‘constant’ or hard to deal with, given that these people are supposed to be family and therefore supportive?

Rosscameasdoody · 17/10/2024 19:55

bombastix · 17/10/2024 08:40

Your husband should not have sworn at you but in every other respect he and your DD are right

Probably you don’t see it but you need to address your mental health pdq

You cannot afford to imagine that you can be in your bedroom and isolate yourself and not speak to your family and there is no issue

Of course there’s a bloody issue. She has mental health problems and is taking a couple of days out a couple of times a year to deal with it. And she has ‘addressed’ her mental health - she’s on prescribed meds. Surely people on this thread can’t be so fucking lacking in understanding that they think this is unreasonable ? And from her OP and updates I’d bet the farm on her DH and horrible DD being part of the problem.

Rosscameasdoody · 17/10/2024 19:56

Startinganew32 · 17/10/2024 09:32

So much disgusting talk about depression on here. As if sufferers choose to have it or something. She shuts herself away - big whoop, they know exactly why and instead of helping her, they swear at her. You try living with this condition which by the way medication/counselling often does not cure.

if someone had a physical condition that flared up a few times a year leaving them bedbound would it be understandable for a spouse and family member to tell them to go fuck themselves? You know because it’s so hard living with ill people.

This. Some of the comments here are appalling.

Theunamedcat · 17/10/2024 20:53

Perhaps if he had taken the time to comfort and support her she wouldn't have felt the need to withdraw so much

Babbahabba · 17/10/2024 20:57

Heaven forbid your adult daughter and husband have to look after themselves 🙄 So sorry for everything you've been through OP, take care of yourself 💐

Codlingmoths · 17/10/2024 21:28

Rosscameasdoody · 17/10/2024 19:48

Given that OP said it’s about twice a year for two or three days, why do you think this would be hard to live with ? Her family are grown, they can look after themselves, and if this is what op needs to do to look after her mental health why shouldn’t she ?

Show quote history

Well quite!! Once my kids are grown up I will probably do this once a year just because I can!! None of my children will dream of complaining about that once they’re an adult, and my dh wouldn’t now.

IOSTT · 17/10/2024 22:08

Hi OP, I’m so sorry to hear about the difficult time you are going through. The people who love you should be supporting you and caring for you after the loss of your DM and the news about your DB. Please ignore the ignorant pp that have zero knowledge or understanding of depression. You deserve to be looked after and supported. Please go to your other daughter’s house for a break and some TLC, and look at resources the helpful pp have provided. Please do not blame yourself for any of this, it sounds like you have been doing your absolute best for everyone for a very long time. Try to be kind to yourself, take as much time to rest as you need, and then get the support you need to rebuild yourself and your life. Life shouldn’t be like this and you deserve so much better. Your H is vile. Take care 💐

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