Who decides on split of assets and what's in the best interest of the children when a couple separates?

[YouBetterYouBetterYouBet]

Not married so no divorce and no family law protection.

We don't agree on very much at all.

Our circumstances are very different, there's a huge disparity between us regarding earnings, pension and time spent with the children.

Where can I get advice?

Mediation was unsuccessful and I can't afford to rack up a huge legal bill.

What jurisdiction are you in?

If E/W, then as you are unmarried, assets remain with their owner, and if jointly held then one partner buys the other out, or if that is not affordable, the the asset is sold and the profits split. Earning power irrelevant as you are not married.

Ideally child arrangements would be sorted out via mediation. What about the current arrangement do you wish to change or formalise? What are the areas of disagreement?

In terms of selling the house and splitting it, how does that get decided?

Examples of disagreement are on how to support child wuth bedwetting and living arrangements with the NRP.

Re house, depends how you own it!

In England, own the house 50:50.

50% won't buy me and the dc a house. I have them 80%.

If you aren't married , it's 50/50 then as per the deeds .

Unfortunately as you weren't married, the house gets split 50:50. You'll be entitled to child maintenance. You're not entitied to more than a 50:50 split of joint assets, or any assets that are your ex-partners (eg no claim on his pension).

I know it's not you want to here, but there has a big difference between now this works if you are married v not married.

So you each get 50%, as it goes with proportion of ownership

Things like support with bedwetting are outwith child arrangement orders. They are about things like where the DC lives, for how many nights a week, other contact times, pick up and drop off arrangements. Are you OK with the current pattern?

Yep, you are entitled to your half of the house.

You can apply for child maintenance.

Sadly you get 50% of the equity and child maintenance.
Thats your lot I’m afraid

And half of anything in joint bank accounts.

I'm afraid OP that things like consideration about ability to provide a home for children only apply when you're splitting marital assets.

It will be very hard but you best possible bet financially is to keep things as friendly as possible and make him feel guilty so he offers to voluntarily give you more*. Now is not the time to be arguing over things like managing bedwetting.

*Appreciate it he's abusive that may not be an option. But it is your only real option for anything more than 50:50 because legally he doesn't have to give you more.

Even though it's hard having the dc so much, I don't want him to have them more as I don't think it would be good for them.

He puts himself first, I put the dc first. Hence the clash.

Unfortunately there is no option to keep things friendly. I've had to call the police twice when he was shouting in my face and refusing the leave the house (after he'd moved out).

So is the remaining area of contention that he wants to have the DC more than 20% of the time?

The area of contention is the split of the house and some things like sleeping arrangements for the DC when they're with him.

He'll have conversations with the DC about big changes and not tell me. The DC then don't know if they can talk to me about stuff.

If you're not married you each get 50% of the equity in the house. It's not like when you're married and it can be argued that one party gets more.

Sleeping arrangements when they're with him you get no say over unless they're actively dangerous or negligent.

If they have an accident while they're with him, he doesnt tell me.

If he gives them medicine, he doesn't tell me (I need to know so I don't repeat dose).

Not a toilet accident, an injury.

He's late almost every week to collect them.

He'll message one DC to pass messages to the other DC rather than communicate with me. I don't thinknits appropriate to expect that of a child.

So what is the issue of contention about the child arrangement orders?

Is it that he wants more than 20%?

Its not child arrangements per se. It's the quality of parenting and the lack of consideration for the DC when choosing somewhere to live.

I want to have the DC more and I suspect he will resist

If he's abusive, try and get a non molestation order so you can remain in the house until youngest child is 18. You'll get legal aid if there's DV. You'll have incident number from police.

So what is the arrangement you would seek?

I doubt the courts would be interested in any of the examples you give of his parenting, other than perhaps the timings of doses of medicines (depending on what the medicine is), but I think that's a communication issue between the two of you, not a reflection on his parenting.

Persistent lateness isn't great, but won't really be reason to reduce his contact. Though tinkering with timings (or having him eg pick up from school) removes the issue) might be an avenue to explore. What is the situation re holidays?

Unfortunately You do not have the legal protection of marriage. Therefore it's whatever the deeds say plus CM.

There’s no contention about the split of the house, it’s 50/50 per the deeds. I’m really sorry if this puts you in a difficult situation but without marriage it will
absolutely follow what’s on the deeds in terms of ownership, your chance of being able to stay in the house without buying out his 50% share are pretty much zero.