Who decides on split of assets and what's in the best interest of the children when a couple separates?

[YouBetterYouBetterYouBet]

Not married so no divorce and no family law protection.

We don't agree on very much at all.

Our circumstances are very different, there's a huge disparity between us regarding earnings, pension and time spent with the children.

Where can I get advice?

Mediation was unsuccessful and I can't afford to rack up a huge legal bill.

Who is currently paying the mortgage?

Thank you all for your responses.

I know I haven't answered all of the questions, I'm scared he'll somehow find my posts.

You can use your half to rent. Doing that and paying 6 or 12 months up front before the law changes would give you some security.

What outcome are you looking for? You’ll get 50% so start planning what that looks like. Repeating that it won’t house you and the kids won’t get you anywhere. He can go to court to force the sale if you refuse to engage.

Is he currently CM and/or half of the mortgage? You can see why he’s keen to sell, he’s in a new relationship, you’ve been apart for a while, he may not be renting in an area he wants to. With his equity he can hopefully offer the kids more space.

If you want there to be an actual decision maker on the house rather than it defaulting to the 50/50 share to match your ownership, you need advice on making a TOLATA claim. They can be complex and expensive.

So he is in full? Do you really want to make a big thing out of the small flat? What if he says that he will rent a bigger flat but stop paying so much on the mortgage?

You could potentially bring a schedule 1 children act claim in respect of the children.

assuming the house is held as joint tenants then it’s 50:50 but as per the above, property can be held on trust for children until they reach majority.

I’m a Family Lawyer and handily share an office with my colleague who does a lot of TOLATA claims over property :) you could argue greater than a 50% beneficial interest but you’d have to demonstrate you had made greater contributions to the property, and it can be tricky.

You're going to have to rent then.

Right so surely you are empathetic as to why he may be renting a small apartment, if you might be in that position soon? It just seems like a strange stick to beat him with when you are standing in a glass house.

Surely his new partner doesn’t want his kids in their tiny flat EVERY weekend? And surely MIL won’t be available to house the dc3 every weekend indefinitely?

it does sound unsustainable.

Him finding your post isn’t a reason not to answer whether he’s paying the mortgage on the home you jointly own. Did you put in the same amount of deposit and do you pay 50% of the mortgage or more?

He’s entitled to 50% of the proceeds of the house, and you both have equal responsibility to provide them with a decent home for when they’re with you.

He chose to rent in an expensive area. Just one that isn't close to where his DC live.

He chose to rent in an expensive area. Just one that isn't close to where his DC live.

There's nothing you can do about any of this.

You need to sell the house and take your 50%.

You can't control how he communicates with the DC, or how he chooses to parent.

If you want to argue on the custody then you'll need to pay to go to court and argue it.

No beating with a stick, he has enjoyed many privileges.

His flat is small because he chose to rent in a v expensive area.

Sadly, I am far from being in a glass house.

Well without being married, TOLATA and schedule 1 of the Children Act are your only legal options finance wise.

this is why it’s a really bad idea to have children without being married. So tricky from a legal standpoint.

Get proper legal advice - are you married because that is key and other assets are split as well such as pension and the aim will be to get both of you housed if possible and as fair and equal and taking into account children etc

if there is enough money to house both in a 70/30 split they will go for that

no married then no the hiuse is 50/50 and no rights to pensions etc

They aren't married, which is OPs problem.

Literally the first two words of the post!

Just read not married so no

Thanks everyone, I have a very clear picture now. And yes, I deeply regret having children with him. Unfortunately I had no choice.

How long have you been separated for?
How old are the children?
You say the house is owned 50/50, is it owned outright or is there a joint mortgage on it? If it's a mortgage who is paying what, assuming he always paid half (or another proportion) is he still paying his share?

Legally, as you are not married, you're only entitled to your legal share of the property (as per the deeds) and child maintenance - which can be negotiated between you but the legal minimum is based on his salary and the number of nights a week he has the children.

If you wanted more than that you should've got married before having children, too late for that now obviously... but at least you don't have to divorce him.

Have you spoke to any mortgage advisers about whether you could afford to buy him out? Have you had the house valued with a view to doing this, or selling?

Your share of the equity may not be enough to buy another house outright - especially if you're a low earner and can't get a big mortgage - so look into shared ownership, which would allow you to use your equity to buy a share, then pay rent on the rest.

Are you claiming UC? You're probably entitled.

You seem to just want to argue with everyone instead of finding solutions OP? I wonder if that happens in your personal life too?

This guide is helpful btw
www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/survival-guide-living-together-and-breaking

@AnotherEmma This isn’t strictly true. People have both legal and beneficial interest in a property and they aren’t always the same. Yes it’s an uphill battle to argue you have greater beneficial interest but it’s incorrect to say the legal title trumps all.

You'd be expected to rent OP, and support yourself via full time employment and any benefit top ups you may be entitled to.

This is why marriage is not an 'outdated concept' or 'just a piece of paper'.

You need to give up any idea of securing any more than 50% of the house equity as there is literally no legal way to get this, you own half the house so you get half, percentage residency of the children is not considered because you aren't married.

What do you mean you had no choice but to have children with him?

Genuinely, is there any documented abuse? Because that may mean you're eligible for legal aid. If that's the case, get legal advice - I'm not a family lawyer but TOLTA seems close to impossible (you say he's the higher earner so seems unlikely to show you've contributed more than 50%). Children's act maybe, but the fact he's in a small flat strongly suggests that although he's a higher earner there's unlikely to be millions lying around.